#72: More Than Words

[lordchen]

Prompt: #72
Title: More Than Words
Pairing: Baekchen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 15,300~
Summary: Marrying Baekhyun had been easy. Settling down and finding a stable job had been easy. But raising a child? Not so easy. Now Jongdae and his husband Baekhyun must work together to survive being new parents... and their son Chanyeol doesn't make it easy.

More Than Words
But I love you more than words can say
I can’t count the reasons I should stay
One by one they all just fade away
But I love you more than words can say…
—————————————————————————
More Than Words
But I love you more than words can say
I can’t count the reasons I should stay
One by one they all just fade away
But I love you more than words can say…
—————————————————————————
Jongdae sat on the porch, spinning his wedding ring around on his finger as he took a deep breath. Dank night air settled in his lungs, heavy and congesting. The porch swing he sat on creaked as he swung his legs back and forth, eyes trained on the speckled stone of the steps leading down to his and Baekhyun’s front yard. He had snuck away to the porch, hoping to distance himself from the chaos inside their house and to find a moment of peace and quiet, a moment to get over his pounding headache. The voices inside were a strange mix of distressed screaming and gasping laughs. Baekhyun’s voice rose above the din, alternating between soft, placating tones and stern reprimands.

A car whizzed by on the street and the sound of curse-laden rap music just barely drowned out the rumble of the engine. Jongdae sighed, pulling his ring just slightly forward be-fore pushing it back into place. He yearned for city lights and the constant din of a crowd and the sweet isolation of someone’s rooftop. He and Baekhyun had often snuck away to rooftops when they were in college together, just to watch the lights of skyscrapers flickering on and off as taxis vied for a spot at the front of a crowd of cars. People always said the city was too noisy or too crowded, but Jongdae had always found the suburbs cramped. He preferred the anonymity of city streets, the freedom of getting lost in a sea of millions, with Baekhyun as his only anchor.

He had grown into a new person in the city. He had fallen in love with Baekhyun in the city, and proposed to him on their favorite rooftop with the lights of the skyline watching over them. That was the easy part. Sure, they’d had their struggles and their fights, but he and Baekhyun had fallen into each other and from the moment they clicked together, their fate had been sealed. See, falling in love, getting married, finding a good job, even moving 45 minutes out of the city into mundane suburbia... that had all been easy, in retrospect.

But having a kid... that had never really been part of Jongdae’s plan.
The front door creaked open and a mop of dark brown hair came flopping out, followed by the head and shoulders of one of his and Baekhyun’s best friends from college. “Ya, Jong-dae!” Sehun said, slurring his words slightly.

“Hey, it’s hyung to you,” Jongdae joked. Sehun let out a laugh that ended up being more of a weak giggle. Jongdae rolled his eyes at his lightweight friend. “Seriously Sehun, who gets drunk at a family party this early?”

Sehun waved his concerns away. “Hey it’s not like it was a kid’s party, it’s Lu Han’s birthday for fuck’s sake.”

“Sehun,” Jongdae chastised halfheartedly. Sehun giggled again, clamping a hand over his mouth.

“No kids around out here, no need to watch the curses.” Sehun whispered before pointing over his shoulder. “You better come inside. Before Baekhyun flips a -”

“KIM JONGDAE,” came Baekhyun’s voice from behind Sehun, his hand slamming against the door so that little chips of red paint flew off. “Will you please stop sulking and come help me with our son?” Baekhyun turned back towards the house before Jongdae could respond, eyes going wide as he screamed. “Chanyeol, that’s not a toy, THAT IS NOT A TOY!” The door slammed shut behind him as he chased after the toddler.

“I should help him.” Jongdae’s voice sounded small. Sehun’s laugh seemed to bite at Jongdae’s tired words.

“I can’t believe it,” he sighed.

“What?”

“You. Baekhyun. Dads. I mean sure,” the porch swing swayed under Sehun’s sudden weight. “When we were in college I used to joke that Baek would end up with a horde of illegitimate children if he didn’t slow down but him actually having a kid?” Sehun’s shrill whistle sounded out of place in the soft golden glow of the bare bulb behind them. “We grew up, hyung.”

“Yeah. Guess we did.”

“You know,” Jongdae winced as Sehun’s arm thudded against his shoulders. The taller man shook him as he struggled to slur out his next words. “I never really saw you as the type to have a kid.”

“Really?”

“Yeah... yeah, I mean Baek never looked like he had a real opinion on it either way but…”

“But what?” Jongdae could hardly push his question out. His breath felt lodged in his chest, pinching his throat shut. He spun the ring on his finger again.

“Well,” Sehun shrugged. “You know Baekhyun. You,” His finger prodded Jongdae’s chest as he continued. “Me and Baek, we never knew how to keep our mouths shut.”

“They used to call us beagle line,” Jongdae laughed at the sudden memory. “In the labs. The instructors called us that.”

“Well, you two more so than me,” Sehun chuckled. “But that’s not what I’m getting at. We all knew how to talk, yeah, but Baek was always the real socialite, you know? Baekhyun could get along with anyone, kids included.”

“I’m not bad with kids,” Jongdae argued automatically. Sehun arched two perfectly shaped brows at him, lips twitching up incredulously.

“Remember when we all volunteered at that daycare near campus? Baek and I managed alright but the kids you were watching tried to start a fucking revolution.”

“I had it under control!” Jongdae whined but his protest was lost in Sehun’s breathy laughter.

“One of them h-had a blanket cape and he kept throwing diapers at you. Oh man, you looked like you were gonna cry.”

“I did not!” Sehun doubled over, gasping for breath. “Okay fine, so I’m not great with kids.” Jongdae swallowed down the lump in his throat, thumb running across the warm metal on his left ring finger as he tried to still his shaking hands. Sehun was still laughing but the humor had seeped out of Jongdae slowly so that he’d found himself cornered by his fears before he could realize they were upon him. It was true he and Baekhyun had never really planned on raising children. They had adopted their son, Chanyeol, because his estranged mother, a distant cousin of Baekhyun’s, had been unfit to care for him. It was sudden, but when social services showed up on your doorstep spouting fancy legal terms that all boil down to “help this poor de-fenseless child” it’s a little difficult to just shut the door in their face.

“I’m not letting him go into foster care,” Baekhyun had whined. “Not when his own flesh and blood is here to take care of him.” Jongdae had wanted to point out that, as Chanyeol’s mother had been a very distant relation, the two of them probably shared as much blood as he and Sehun did. But he had seen the fierce determination in his husband’s eyes and thought of lit-tle Chanyeol being shipped off to some faceless stranger... and he had found himself agree-ing.

When they’d met Chanyeol days later, he had charmed them instantly. He had greeted them shyly, as children often did, dark wavy hair bouncing as he gave them the tiniest of dim-pled grins. Within minutes he had been giggling on Baekhyun’s lap while Jongdae hovered over his husband’s shoulder. His hand had floated in the space between himself and Chanyeol, as if the toddler was a fragile thing, like precious spun glass, easily shattered. Finally, his palms had rested against Baekhyun’s shoulders as he cooed at the boy. Chanyeol had laughed himself silly in Baekhyun’s lap, eventually nodding off with his head rested against Baekhyun’s chest. Baekhyun had turned to his husband with shining eyes and had said in a steady voice, “This is our son.” Jongdae had nodded silently, his hand slowly reaching to sweep a tuft of silken hair back from the sleeping child’s face. “This is our son,” Baekhyun had repeated, and something in Jongdae had shifted, some piece of his heart sliding over as something blossomed in his chest. He had felt tears prick at his eyes and laughter bubble in his throat. Yes, he had thought. “Yes,” he had said aloud, placing a soft kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead.

But raising a child isn’t that simple.

“Hey,” Sehun’s voice pulled Jongdae back to the present. His friend’s slim fingered hand was moving in front of his eyes. Jongdae turned to meet Sehun’s stare, feeling slightly dazed.

“Sorry,” he said. “Spaced out for a minute.”

“Yeah, I know.” Sehun sounded surprisingly anxious, the lines in his brow visible even in the dark as he gazed worriedly at his friend. “Hyung...” He gave Jongdae a reassuring squeeze, face stretching out into a grin that did nothing to dissipate the concern in his eyes. “My loud, rambunctious, dorky hyung.”

“I am not dorky!”

“Not the point,” Sehun waved his outrage away impatiently.

“Then what is the point?”

“Why are you so quiet, hyung?” Sehun’s voice was steadier now. He sounded surprising-ly sober.

“I’m scared.” Jongdae wasn’t sure where his admission had come from but Sehun was leaning forward now, listening intently, and he felt prompted to continue. “I’m scared I’m going to screw this up.”

“Hey,” Sehun’s voice flowed sweetly like honey. It reminded Jongdae of whispered con-versations in the early mornings before exams when Baekhyun had fallen asleep and Jongdae was still anxiously flipping through his textbooks. Sehun had always been good at calming him down. “Look, it’s not going to be easy. But I know you and I know Baekhyun. You can do this. What’s there to be afraid of?” Jongdae’s heart rate slowed down a notch. Sehun patted Jongdae on the shoulder as he unclenched his hand from the edge of the swing, smiling weakly at his friend. They both started at the sound of something smashing inside the house followed by Baekhyun’s anguished wail.

“By the sound of that, I think I’d better be very afraid of my husband right now.”

“Is he going to be pissed?” Sehun was smiling again, one of his impish grins that took years off his face. Jongdae winced.

“Royally.”

“Gonna make you sleep on the couch for a week?”

“At least.” Sehun gave Jongdae a pitying look as he stood up. “I really should go help him. Chanyeol can be a little... stubborn sometimes.”

“Just like his dad.”

“Which one?” Jongdae laughed. Sehun gave him a pointed look and Jongdae chuckled once again before heading towards the door. He had stuck one foot inside when he noticed Sehun had not gotten up to follow him.

“Go ahead and help Baekhyun, hyung, I’ll be inside soon,” Sehun said, swaying so as to make the swing spring back to life.

“Don’t wander off,” Jongdae warned. “And don’t flirt with any neighbors. And no more drinks tonight! You have work tomorrow. I don’t think your patients will appreciate you show-ing up hungover.”

“Okay, Dad,” Sehun sang at him.

Jongdae rolled his eyes before stepping inside the house. He shook his head at the sound of Sehun humming to himself on the front porch, trying to find time to gather himself before fac-ing the chaos inside. He took a deep breath before stepping into the kitchen.

“Jongdae!” Baekhyun’s relieved voice carried over the sound of Chanyeol’s wailing ac-companied by what sounded suspiciously like Lu Han crying. “Thank God, I thought you two would be out there forever.”

“So-“ Jongdae began, stopping short as he took in the sight in front of him. Chanyeol sat on the ground, tears streaming down his face as his little fists beat against the floor. “-rry,” he finished. Chanyeol continued to wail, ignoring Jongdae’s sudden appearance. Kyungsoo, a friend of Jongdae and Baekhyun’s, stood frowning at a piece of cake on the ground. His arms were crossed over his chest, a serving knife clutched in one hand. Little bits of china were scattered on the ground and Joonmyun, Kyungsoo’s husband, was nervously kicking little shards of it away from Chanyeol. “What the hell.”

“He wanted cake,” Baekhyun sighed.

“He still wants cake,” came Lu Han’s voice from behind the dining table. The older man stood with his ash blonde hair styled so that it was pushed back from his forehead. There was a ridiculous party hat balanced precariously on his head, no doubt placed there by a drunk Sehun. Lu Han’s face was pinched from either fear or distress. Lu Han’s daughter was hiding behind her father’s leg, her dark brown hair weighed down with sticky frosting. Jongdae smiled apologeti-cally at them.

“He already had cake,” Baekhyun explained. Jongdae nodded comprehendingly, bending down to scoop the still crying Chanyeol into his arms.

“Chanyeol-ah,” he said to his son. Chanyeol stopped crying and Jongdae tried his best to wipe some tears off of his son’s ruddy face. “Did you already have cake?” Chanyeol stayed si-lent, looking anywhere but at Jongdae’s face. “Daddy says you already had cake,” he continued, indicating Baekhyun.

“More,” Chanyeol whined, pouting at Jongdae. “More cake, Jongdae-ya!” Jongdae winced and Baekhyun’s voice piped up automatically.

“Chanyeol, it’s not nice to speak that way to Papa, remember?” Baekhyun said but Jong-dae simply smiled at his son.

“Too much cake isn’t good for you, Yeollie,” Jongdae said. He carefully placed Chanyeol down away from the remnants of the broken plate. “You can’t have any more cake to-night.”

“But I want it!” Chanyeol screamed, and Jongdae winced as he heard Baekhyun breathe in sharply. Jongdae braced himself, already prepared for Chanyeol’s well-practiced tirade. “I want it, I want it, I want it,” Chanyeol screeched at the same time that Jongdae’s mouth formed the words behind the toddler’s head. Chanyeol continued on in the same vein, repeating “I want it!” at the top of his lungs and alternating between crying and screaming out various threats and profanities. Joonmyun and Lu Han watched on in abject horror as Jongdae perfectly mimicked Chanyeol’s every action, even flailing his arms around and twisting his face into silent screams as the toddler’s tirade continued. Kyungsoo had his phone out, recording Jongdae’s expressions as Baekhyun attempted to stop himself from laughing by stuffing his fist into his mouth. Even Sehun had come stumbling in, his mouth popped open in confusion as Jongdae stomped around behind Chanyeol perfectly copying the child’s tantrum until Chanyeol himself caught on. He turned and screamed directly at Jongdae, trying to make it last as long as he could, but Jongdae kept his face stretched into the same expression. Finally, Chanyeol stopped screaming, breathing heavily as he pouted at his father.

“Alright,” Baekhyun said once the screaming had stopped. “Alright, I think that’s enough screaming for one night.” He laughed nervously, taking in Lu Han’s obviously frightened ex-pression as he wrapped his arms around his daughter. She was staring at Jongdae with a look of utter delight which contrasted sharply with Joonmyun’s expression of sheer horror.

“Thank you,” Lu Han said carefully. “For the party, Baekhyun. And for the cake, Kyungsoo. But I’m sure we all have to get home now.”

“It is getting late,” Joonmyun mumbled from beside him. Kyungsoo was staring deter-minedly at his phone, trying not to smile. Sehun was hanging onto Jongdae, nearly dragging him down to the ground as his whole body shook with silent laughter. “We all have work in the morning.”

“Of course,” Baekhyun said, moving towards the front door. “Thank you everyone for coming over. And happy birthday again Lu Han hyung.” He led everyone outside, prying Sehun off of Jongdae so he could help get him into Joonmyun’s car. Jongdae went to watch them all from the hallway. Baekhyun was shooing Lu Han into his silver car, waving goodbye to his daughter with one hand and telling Lu Han to “send Minseok our love” while handing him a plateful of cake. Jongdae smiled absently at his husband as the cars both pulled out and made their way down the street. Chanyeol clung to Jongdae’s leg, as he often did when he knew he’d done something wrong. Jongdae ran a hand through his son’s mop of black hair, giving him a comforting smile.

“That was an interesting parenting technique,” Baekhyun said, walking back inside.

“I’m working on it,” Jongdae replied but Baekhyun was too busy laughing.

“At least you’re getting better.” Baekhyun strode over to his husband and son, picking Chanyeol up and moving towards the toddler’s bedroom.

“That was better?” Jongdae asked following behind them. Baekhyun placed Chanyeol into bed with surprisingly little fuss. Jongdae took his spot next to Chanyeol’s bed as Baekhyun moved to stand behind him.

“Yes,” Baekhyun whispered into his husband’s ear. “It was. Now help me sing him to sleep.” Baekhyun kissed the side of Jongdae’s head as Chanyeol stared at them expectantly. Jongdae smiled at his son, moving his hand up to lace his fingers with Baekhyun as he opened his mouth to sing.

————1 Month Later————

The walk from the bedroom to the kitchen felt like it was miles long to Jongdae’s sleep deprived brain. He stumbled along the plush carpet, nearly tripping when it changed to cold tile under his cold feet. Jongdae blinked sleepily, the bright light filtering in through the kitchen windows feeling almost painful as his eyes adjusted.

Chanyeol sat on the ground, fussing with some toy cars. His lips quivered as he made lit-tle vroom noises. Jongdae stepped carefully around him, wincing when his foot caught the edge of a toy truck in the same white and gray shades as the marbled tiles. He edged it closer to Chanyeol with his toe before taking his seat at the table. His palms rested against the cool glass of the rounded tabletop, eyelids fluttering shut as he stifled a yawn.

“Ya, Jongdae,” Baekhyun’s voice grated against Jongdae’s tired ears, contrasting sharply with his hoarse morning grumble. Baekhyun sounded as if he’d already had three cups of coffee, voice loud and cheerful, laced with his usual teasing tone. Chanyeol followed Baekhyun’s thin form with his eyes, ears stretching to catch his father’s voice as he listened intently. “Don’t for-get,” Jongdae’s husband continued. “You’re taking Yeollie to the park with Joonmyun hyung today.” Jongdae grunted out an affirmation, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. He winced as Baekhyun set a mug of coffee in front of him, moving immediately back to pour one for himself. Jongdae let out an appreciative sound halfway between a sigh and a moan as he lunged for his cup. The coffee was dark and lukewarm, with just enough sugar added to take the edge off the bitterness. Baekhyun sat down with his own mug, pouring milk into his sugarless coffee and watching as Jongdae took dangerously large sips of his own drink. They sat in silence, sipping their coffee and munching on the toast that Jongdae had placed on the table before Baekhyun had waltzed in.

Jongdae felt a sudden tug on the hem of his shirt midway through a sip of now-cool cof-fee. He peered down from over his mug. Chanyeol was clinging to him, brown eyes large and round, glinting with mischief and darting between Jongdae and Baekhyun. His cheek dimpled as he stretched his lips and Jongdae felt himself smiling into his mug automatically.

“Ya, Jongdae!” Chanyeol squealed with a laugh. Jongdae coughed as coffee made its way down to his lungs. He ran a hand across his mouth, wiping away the rivulets of bitter liquid run-ning down his chin. Baekhyun’s mouth popped open as he stared at Chanyeol’s still smiling face. It snapped shut and stretched into a thin line as he tried to choke down his laughter.

“I - you,” Jongdae cleared his throat, trying to sound authoritative. “Chanyeol, we’ve talked about this! I am your father. It’s not nice to talk to me like that.”

“Daddy said it,” Chanyeol said, pointing to Baekhyun. Jongdae glared at his husband, who merely held his hands up defensively. Your problem, his eyes seemed to say.

“Daddy is... Daddy. He can call me whatever he wants,” Jongdae said.

“I wanna say it too!” Chanyeol cried. His brow furrowed, lower lip jutting out in a tell-tale pout. Jongdae gulped when he noticed the tears beginning to pool in his son’s eyes. He glanced desperately at Baekhyun and saw his own panic reflected in his husband’s expression. There was one sweet moment of silence before Chanyeol began to wail.

“Oh f-”

“Don’t you dare finish that word,” Baekhyun deadpanned, finishing his coffee in one quick gulp. He set his mug down in the sink, shooting Jongdae an amused grin. “I have to get ready.”

“Wh- you can’t just leave me like this,” Jongdae stuttered.

“I can and I will if I don’t want to be late for work.”

“But he’s crying!”

“You don’t say,” Baekhyun replied.

“I don’t know how to make him stop,” Jongdae continued through clenched teeth.

“Figure it out Jongdae, you have to learn how to handle this. And without just copying his tantrums until he stops.”

“But-”

“No buts,” Baekhyun sighed. He grabbed a towel from the linen closet and draped it over his shoulder, his free hand ruffling his dark hair. Jongdae continued to follow him down the hallway towards their room, Chanyeol traipsing along behind them, steadily growing louder and louder. Baekhyun stopped outside their bedroom, taking in his wailing son and frightened look-ing husband. He pouted at Jongdae, puffing up his cheeks. “Why don’t you try your aegyo voice,” he said, his voice sounding comically high. Jongdae cringed.

“I don’t have an aegyo voice,” he said, shaking his head at his husband. Baekhyun sighed.

“Well then try something, Jongdae,” he said. Baekhyun spun into their bedroom, one hand already on the door.

“Baekhyu-” Jongdae began but the door was already shutting in his face.

“Figure it out!” said Baekhyun’s muffled voice. Jongdae gulped, turning to stare at Chanyeol, who’s face shook with dry sobs, tears still pooling in the corners of his eyes but refus-ing to fall. The toddler stared defiantly up at his father as if daring Jongdae to try and subdue him. Jongdae let out a shaky breath, rolling his shoulders in preparation.

“Alright Yeollie,” he said softly, carefully. He felt a bead of sweat rolling down his neck as Chanyeol’s lower lip quivered as if teetering on the edge of an explosion. “Come talk to dad.”

—————————-

“This is ridiculous,” Jongdae cried twenty minutes later. Baekhyun was straightening his collar in front of the mirror in the hall as Chanyeol’s cries echoed in the next room. “I should just let him call me what he wants. Whatever he wants. Hell, he can come up to me and punch me in the face in the mornings. Every morning! For the next twenty years. It has to be better than this.”

“Stand your ground,” Baekhyun said, grabbing his briefcase and moving towards the front door, his tie slung over his shoulder lazily.

“Is it worth it, really?” Jongdae insisted. “I mean, Sehun speaks informally to us all the time and he only cries this much like once a month tops.”

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun said, quirking one eyebrow at his husband. Jongdae groaned.

“I know, I know. Stand my ground.” Baekhyun smiled, patting Jongdae’s cheek with his free hand. Chanyeol wailed once more, followed by the distinct sound of plastic hitting drywall. Jongdae winced and Baekhyun pursed his lips at his husband before moving out to the hallway. Jongdae followed, catching Baekhyun picking Chanyeol up from the floor where he was scream-ing at the dent he’d made in the wall. “Do you have to go to work today?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun said around their crying son. He walked out to the living room, Jongdae following behind him frantically. Baekhyun set Chanyeol down on the plush carpet, handing him a toy car about the size of his palm from his pocket. The toddler took it grudgingly. “It’s the third Friday of the month. That’s park day. One of us has to take the morning off to take Chanyeol to the park for his playdate with Jongin and I’ve done it every month for the past four months, Jongdae.”

“You know that’s only because Lu Han hyung doesn’t mind letting you take a morning off once every few weeks. My boss looked at me like I’d grown a third head when I was trying to get today off.”

Baekhyun sighed, sneaking his arm around Jongdae’s waist. “I know it’s hard to get a day off, but you were doing a guest lecture today, not lab work. Yes, I know,” Baekhyun’s ex-pression turned apologetic. “It was a really important guest lecture.”

“Columbia wanted me to speak,” Jongdae whined. Baekhyun sighed, pecking his hus-band on the cheek.

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun said sympathetically. “It’s not fair to you, I know, but Lu Han hyung can only give me so much leeway and four months in a row of missing important meet-ings is a bit too much, even for him. I’m sorry honey, but I really needed you to do this to-day.”

“I know,” Jongdae sighed, but his lips were working up into a grin. Chanyeol had quieted down and Jongdae could hear the reassuring sound of plastic creaking and wheels whirring.

“See, he’s back to playing,” Baekhyun said, noticing the sound himself. Then he sighed, glancing towards the door and then back to Jongdae apologetically. “I have to leave for work.”

Jongdae nodded before kissing Baekhyun, swift and sweet. “Look,” he said. “When we agreed to raise Chanyeol, we made a commitment to put him first. That means I have to miss work sometimes too. I can’t expect you to miss all your meetings. There’ll be other guest lec-tures.”

“I love you,” Baekhyun said, eyes crinkling as he smiled.

“I know.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “Goodbye, Han Solo,” he quipped. He kissed Jongdae once more before stepping out the door. Jongdae waited for Baekhyun to get into his car and drive off, silver paint looking drab in the gray morning light. He shut the door carefully, going back to where Chanyeol still sat, playing with his car. Jongdae stopped in front of his son, forcing a smile onto his face.

“Alright Yeollie,” he said, and Chanyeol stopped swinging his car through the air to stare at his father. “How about a bath?”

“Nuh-uh,” Chanyeol said, going back to playing with his car.

“But you need to take a bath before you go play with Jongin.”

“I don’t wanna,” Chanyeol said, his brow scrunching up again. Jongdae gulped.

“Come on Chanyeol-ah, it’ll be fun!” Jongdae stretched is hand forward as if willing his son to take it, to come without a fuss. The toddler stood up quickly, tottering as his mouth turned down into a pout again. He swung his toy car towards Jongdae menacingly.

“I! Don’t! Wanna!” he wailed again.

—————————

“What happened to your face?” Joonmyun’s voice sounded three octaves higher as he clutched at his son, Jongin. Jongdae stood at the edge of the playground, Chanyeol grasping one of his fingers tightly as he looked at his friend and Jongdae’s other hand holding onto the little cardboard tray holding two cups of coffee for dear life. Chanyeol looked at his father, tugging on his finger with a pleading look.

“Go on and play Chanyeol-ah,” Jongdae smiled, patting his son’s black curls before urg-ing him towards Jongin. The two boys took off immediately, running for the center of the play-ground. Jongdae looked at Joonmyun, still smiling even though he could feel his cheek throb-bing. “Hey hyung.”

“Your face,” Joonmyun repeated, his jaw hanging open.

“Chanyeol wasn’t really in the mood for bath time today,” Jongdae winced, remembering the little toy car come flying at his face with agonizing clarity.

“Ah,” Joonmyun said. He looked at Jongdae understandingly, patting the younger man on the shoulder before gesturing towards a bench off to the side. Jongdae followed Joonmyun to it, nearly falling onto it before handing his friend the tray of coffee. Joonmyun took one cup, leav-ing the other for Jongdae. He reached for the little cardboard cup, frowning when he didn’t feel the heat of the coffee against his palm.

“It’s not hot enough,” Jongdae sighed and Joonmyun smiled apologetically. Jongdae lift-ed the cup to his lips regardless, gulping down a lukewarm sip, wincing at the taste of it. “Did you take my coffee by accident?”

Joonmyun shook his head, his own cup perched between his lips. “Nope, mine is milk and sugar as usual.”

“They gave me milk and no sugar,” Jongdae frowned.

“You probably ordered Baekhyun’s usual by accident,” Joonmyun laughed.

“Of course I did,” Jongdae laughed, eyes trained on Chanyeol.

“He told me you had to give up a guest lecture for this,” Joonmyun said. Jongdae nodded. “I know that must have been important to you.”

“It was,” Jongdae sighed. “I can’t believe Baekhyun roped me into doing this.”

“Did he have to convince you?”

“Well… just a little bit. I understand that he can’t take Chanyeol every time but…”

“But you really wanted to do the guest lecture.”

“It sounds selfish, I know,” Jongdae sighed. “But the whole being a dad thing… I mean it’s my job now, to give up the things I really want to do so I can take better care of my son. And it just hit me a little too fast, I guess. Baekhyun and I didn’t really prepare for having a kid as much as we just kind of jumped into it.”

“Why did you do it?” Joonmyun asked almost absently, his gaze suddenly fo-cused on Jongin as the boy swung on some monkey bars. Jongdae watched too as Jongin dropped off, narrowly missing Chanyeol’s head as he came crashing down to the ground. Joonmyun twitched momentarily but Jongin merely stood up and dusted his shorts off before chasing after his laughing friend. “Not just the park thing today, just… adopting in general.”

“What do you mean?” Jongdae asked after a moment. Joonmyun shifted almost uncom-fortably, as if asking the question had felt as foreign to him as the words sounded to Jong-dae.

“I mean why did you agree to it? You don’t like kids, you never did. You can’t just have done this for Baekhyun.”

“Couldn’t I have?”

“That’s not how kids work,” Joonmyun insisted. His thumb circled the blue coffee cup, curling around the white lettering along its side. Jongdae tapped his feet rhythmically, one foot lifting up as the other slapped down onto the paving stones at his feet. “You have to want them too.”

“Maybe that’s how it was for you. Maybe I just wanted Baekhyun to be happy.” He raised the coffee cup to his lips.

“So why keep this up? Don’t do this at the cost of your own happiness. Tell Baekhyun you can’t take care of a kid. Tell him you don’t want to do it anymore.”

“What?” Jongdae spat, choking on his now-cold coffee. Joonmyun’s hands had stilled and he was looking at Jongdae with a mixture of curiosity and sheer determination.

“What? You heard me.”

“You can’t just - I can’t just - you cannot be serious Kim Joonmyun.”

“Why not? Tell Baekhyun you can’t handle kids. Send him to some other relative. Baekhyun isn’t the only uncle he has, after all.”

“I can’t!” Jongdae shouted, giving Joonmyun a shocked expression. Chanyeol paused in the act of trying to cover Jongin in dirt to stare at his father. Jongdae forced a smile at him and the boy focused his attention back on Jongin.

“Why can’t you?”

“Because, hyung. I can’t.”

Joonmyun’s face was serious as he stared Jongdae down. “Give me one good rea-son.”

“He’s my son,” Jongdae said, as if this response should have been obvious. “He’s my kid, I would never just give him away. I don’t care if I have to miss a thousand guest lectures if he’s happy at the end of the day.” Joonmyun grinned at Jongdae the way he always smiled at Jongin when he managed to steer the little boy away from tantrums with a few soft spoken words. “Oh, you asshole. You conniving little - did you just go all reverse psychology on me?”

“What good is being a psychiatrist if I can’t even help my idiot friends out when they’re being ridiculous?”

Jongdae aimed a kick at Joonmyun’s shin and the man winced before laughing. “Fine,” Jongdae said. “Fine, so I love the kid. Of course I love the kid, how could I not? It’s not easy tak-ing care of him and it’s not easy giving things up and he can be a handful sometimes but… Look, he’s a brat sometimes but he’s... he’s my brat.”

“That is adorable,” Joonmyun chuckled, ruffling Jongdae’s hair with his free hand. Jong-dae checked to make sure Chanyeol wasn’t watching before he aimed a fist into Joonmyun’s ribs. “Ow! What was that for?”

“Stop acting like such a... such a dad!”

“I am a dad! We’re both dads!”

“You know what I mean!”

Joonmyun threw his head back as he laughed, his hair looking as dark as mahogany wood in the gray morning light. Jongdae’s lips turned down as he glared at his friend, shaking his head. “Oh don’t look at me like that,” Joonmyun chuckled. “It worked in the end, didn’t it?”

“Isn’t it against some sort of, I don’t know, moral code or some shit to psychoanalyze your friends? Doesn’t that make me an unwilling participant in a medical study?”

“Don’t swear in front of the kids,” Joonmyun said, only half joking.

“They’re all the way across the fucking park!”

“Jongdae!”

“Fine, no swearing,” he groaned. “God, you’re worse than Baekhyun.”

“You’d think you’d be the one telling Baekhyun not to curse so much, what with his whole ‘no filter’ policy when he’s speaking.” Jongdae laughed at this. It was true that Baekhyun had always been a bit looser with his speech, but Jongdae’s boisterous husband was surprisingly tame around Chanyeol. “You know, I haven’t seen Baekhyun since the last park playdate.”

“What was that, like a month ago?” Joonmyun nodded.

“We’re all always so busy with work or the kids, we don’t really get to see each other much outside of these things, do we? I mean, Kyungsoo hardly gets to see anyone, including me. He’s always flying off for his business trips. He only just got back from one this morning.” Joonmyun passed a hand over his tired face. “He’s still sleeping the flight off now.”

Jongdae nodded slowly. “I’m lucky Baekhyun doesn’t have to fly out too often for his job. Though I think that’s because Lu Han hyung tries to keep him away from those assign-ments.”

“Lu Han always was secretly a romantic,” Joonmyun said, smiling weakly. His eyes trail-ing over to Jongin.

“Do you have a shift at the hospital tonight?”

“No,” Joonmyun said, perking up at the sudden change in topic.

“They’re not going to call you in for an emergency, are they?”

“Not unless there’s a life or death situation that requires a psychiatrist. Why?”

“Why don’t you and Kyungsoo come over for dinner tonight?” Jongdae asked. “Bring Jongin too. We can all cook something together and they’ll get a chance to hang out somewhere other than this park.”

“Kyungsoo might be a little tired,” Joonmyun said unsurely, but Jongdae could see his expression light up at the prospect.

“Oh come on,” Jongdae whined. “Like you said, he hardly gets out. I miss you guys, and I know Baekhyun would love to see you both too. We can’t just only see each other when some-one has a birthday party.”

“You know,” Joonmyun began. “I’m always telling Kyungsoo that being parents doesn’t mean we can’t still be social and yet I hardly do anything to prove my point.”

“Prove a point, old man,” Jongdae said. Joonmyun laughed again, eyes scrunching up into little half-moons.

“Alright, we’ll be there,” he said.

“Excelle- YA! CHANYEOL!” Jongdae screamed, catching Chanyeol trying to pour a handful of mulch into the back of Jongin’s pants. Both boys were laughing delightedly as Jong-dae and Joonmyun groaned at them. “Why is this so much work,” Jongdae said under his breath.

“Welcome to fatherhood,” Joonmyun sighed, standing up to walk towards the boys. Jongdae followed behind, smiling.

—————————

The sound of Baekhyun’s loud laugh floating in from the living room brought Jongdae back to attention. He had been drifting off in the kitchen, one hand stirring a pot of stew and the other braced against the counter as he daydreamed. Kyungsoo and Joonmyun had come over for dinner, bringing Jongin with them much to Chanyeol’s delight, and pleasant conversation was now drifting into the kitchen where Jongdae stood. Baekhyun had gotten home from work sur-prised to see his two friends lounging around on the couch, Kyungsoo flipping through channels on the television while Joonmyun sat with Jongin balancing on his knee and Chanyeol clinging to his leg. Jongdae had persuaded Baekhyun to relax with the two of them while he cooked, ig-noring his offers to help and waving away his concern at the small bruise blooming under Jong-dae’s eye. Now he stood watching over a pot of stew bubbling on the stove as snippets of con-versation floated towards him, punctuated by the occasional squeals of Jongin and Chanyeol. Jongdae smiled thinking about the two boys clambering around in the next room, with Joonmyun no doubt scrambling after them frantically as the others watched on. He chuckled to himself at the thought of it.

“Why are you standing here all alone just laughing to yourself?” whispered a voice in his ear. Jongdae started as two slim arms circled his waist, relaxing into the embrace a moment later as he always did.

“You scared me,” Jongdae replied, turning his head towards Baekhyun and smiling at his husband.

“Did I?” Baekhyun asked, running his lips along Jondae’s neck. Jongdae shivered, squirming under Baekhyun’s touch. He moved to pull his husband closer but Baekhyun merely stepped away with a mischievous grin. “The kids want macaroni.”

“What?” Jongdae said, momentarily confused. Then he whined as he saw Baekhyun moving towards the pantry. “But I made stew!”

“And we adults are going to enjoy it very much, but Jongin and Chanyeol have started a revolution in the living room and are demanding macaroni and cheese.” Baekhyun shook his head bemusedly, turning to search the depths of the pantry for what would no doubt be their last box of Kraft. Chanyeol devoured mac ’n’ cheese at downright frightening speeds. Baekhyun stretched, searching the shelves for a box and Jongdae grinned, following his husband into the pantry.

Jongdae let the pantry door shut quietly behind them before advancing towards Baekhyun with a mischievous grin. Baekhyun was reaching up to the top shelf, thin fingers grasping for a box of mac ‘n’ cheese as he stood on his tip toes. Jongdae let his hands sneak to his husband’s waist, his mouth latching onto Baekhyun’s neck.

“Ya, Jongdae, what are you doing?” Baekhyun chuckled as Jongdae spun him around. Jongdae pressed closer to the bemused man, his arms and hips boxing Baekhyun in as Jongdae stared down at his lips. They looked almost dark red in the dim light, curved up into a grin that invited him closer.

“It has been,” Jongdae began, attaching his lips to Baekhyun’s neck hungrily. “So, so, so long since I’ve gotten you alone.”

“It’s been two days,” Baekhyun laughed as Jongdae sucked a mark onto his skin.

“Too long,” Jongdae whined. He moved up to Baekhyun’s lips, kissing him roughly. Baekhyun whimpered, hands clutching at the back of Jongdae’s shirt as he parted his lips, invit-ing Jongdae to explore his mouth. Jongdae moaned and ran his tongue along Baekhyun’s bottom lip. Baekhyun’s lips were tangy, like some sour candy, and the taste made Jongdae’s head spin. It was sugary sweet and bitingly sour all at once. “What did you eat?” Jongdae mumbled absent-mindedly, still making his way into Baekhyun’s mouth.

“What?” Baekhyun mumbled around Jongdae’s tongue. He pulled away.

“What?”

“Did you just ask me what I ate while we were passionately making out in a pantry,” Baekhyun deadpanned.

“You taste like Warheads!” Jongdae said defensively.

“And you sound like a dickhead!” Baekhyun complained, swatting as his husband before grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him closer again. He captured Jongdae’s lips with his own, teeth nibbling teasingly as his hands traveled over Jongdae’s chest. Baekhyun pushed and tugged at Jongdae’s shoulders until he was the one shoved against the shelves, hard metal press-ing into his back on one side and Baekhyun’s soft form pressing into him from the other. Baekhyun’s tongue flicked against Jongdae’s drawing out a half-formed curse from his mouth. “Plums, by the way.” Baekhyun murmured into the kiss. “I ate plums.” Baekhyun smiled against Jongdae’s lips before hopping up and wrapping his legs around Jongdae’s waist.

“Fuck,” Jongdae cursed, grasping for the undersides of Baekhyun’s thighs to keep him steady and groaning when Baekhyun pushed his hips forward. Baekhyun pressed closer to him, lips desperately reaching for any part of Jongdae he could reach. He was tugging on Jongdae’s ear when they caught the sound of the pantry door opening.

“Oh f-”

“Daddy,” Chanyeol said from the doorway, one tiny hand clinging to the doorknob. Jon-gin was waddling up behind him, followed by his father, Joonmyun.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun whispered, mouth still by Jongdae’s ear. He turned his head slowly, throwing a nervous smile at their son. Joonmyun stood behind the two toddlers, eyes wide as he looked from Jongdae’s mortified face to the kids.

“They heard a noise,” Joonmyun explained sheepishly.

“Whatchya doin’?” Chanyeol giggled. Jongdae started to lower Baekhyun to the ground but he tightened his legs around Jongdae’s waist, shooting him a warning glance. Jongdae gave him a confused look.

“What?” he mouthed, but Baekhyun merely glanced from Jongdae’s face to his waist. Baekhyun shook his head almost imperceptibly, and it was then that Jongdae felt something pressing into his stomach and his eyes widened in panic.

Jongin stepped forward, jumping up behind Chanyeol with a gap-toothed smile. “Mr. Chanyeol’s dad,” he said, speaking to Baekhyun. “What are you doing to Mr. Chanyeol’s other dad?”

“We were just,” Jongdae began. “Um.”

“Trying to reach the macaroni!” Baekhyun exclaimed suddenly. Jongdae’s eyebrows shot together as Baekhyun pointed his hand up at the top shelf. “Lift me up a little higher, hon-ey.”

“O-oh,” Jongdae stuttered. “Right.” He shifted Baekhyun higher, allowing his husband to grab the box of macaroni. He held the box out and shook it, glancing meaningfully at Joonmyun, who stepped forward to grab the box out of Baekhyun’s hand.

“Come on kids,” Joonmyun said cheerily. He handed the box to Jongin and pointed out towards the living room. “Go give this to abeoji and ask him to cook it for you.” Jongin grabbed the box with a cheer and he and Chanyeol immediately raced out of the pantry. Jongdae let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding as Joonmyun shook his head at them. “Really? In the pantry?”

“Jongdae has astonishingly low levels of self control.” Baekhyun frowned at his husband as he spoke. Jongdae opened his mouth to protest but Joonmyun shook his head again, backing away quickly.

“Save it, I really don’t need the details,” he said. “I’ll let you two... straighten yourselves out I guess.” He shut the pantry door gently, plodding off towards where Kyungsoo sat, no doubt with two children hanging onto his knees. Baekhyun slowly slid down to the ground, straighten-ing out his clothes. He was biting his lip to keep himself from laughing.

“Sorry,” Jongdae said, shooting Baekhyun a cheeky grin.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun repeated mockingly. He pointed down to his slacks, his face scrunched up with feigned anger. “Thanks to you I’ve got to think of something gross to take care of this. Like my grandparents fucking or something.”

“Ya!” Jongdae screamed. “Why did you say that?”

“Why did you give me a boner with our kid in the next room?”

“But now I’m going to picture that,” Jongdae whined as Baekhyun rummaged around in a drawer for something.

“Good,” he said, straightening up with an apron in his hands. He wrapped it around his waist before leaning forward to whisper into Jongdae’s ear. “I hope you suffer.”

“For the love of God Baek!” Jongdae exclaimed, but Baekhyun was already out the door. Jongdae took a deep breath before following behind him.

The rest of the evening passed quickly, with the adults scarfing down Jongdae’s stew and the children nearly inhaling their mac ’n’ cheese. Jongdae watched Chanyeol from his spot at the table as Baekhyun wiped cheese from the toddler’s mouth with a napkin. He hadn’t even finished his serving. Jongdae shook his head, wondering if perhaps Baekhyun had put too much in their son’s bowl.

Joonmyun and Kyungsoo took turns obsessively coddling Jongin, with Kyungsoo trying to get the young boy to eat with his mouth closed and Joonmyun scolding Kyungsoo for distract-ing the child while he ate. Baekhyun shook his head at both of them, interjecting with his own comments. Jongdae watched all of this with an amused grin, occasionally pulling Chanyeol into his lap to wipe his son’s face or attempt to feed him some of his stew. He made a face at the spoonful of food his father held up to him and Jongdae lowered the stew with a frown.

“Aren’t you hungry, Chanyeol-ah?” he asked softly. The toddler frowned in response, crossing his arms over his stomach.

“No.”

“No what?”

“No, Jongdae-ya!” he giggled. Jongdae sighed, putting the spoon back into his bowl. Baekhyun looked over at him, giving him a sympathetic smile, but Jongdae just grinned back brightly, as if trying to reassure his husband. Chanyeol had gone back to playing with Jongin and Jongdae returned to his half eaten bowl of stew, still watching the boys tumbling over each other as they played.

At last, Joonmyun managed to pry Jongin away from Chanyeol long enough to get him into the carseat. He and Kyungsoo said goodbye, Jongin snoozing in the backseat as Jongdae and Baekhyun saw them off. Jongdae sighed as they drove down the street, resting his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulder. Baekhyun held Chanyeol in his arms, letting the sleeping toddler rest his head on his chest. Chanyeol had evidently tired himself out.

“Thanks,” Baekhyun whispered to his husband.

“For what?” Jongdae laughed softly. His eyelids felt heavy as he leaned against Baekhyun.

“For taking Yeol to the park,” Baekhyun said. “For inviting Kyungsoo and Joonmyun hyung over and cooking dinner. It was nice.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Jongdae said, stifling a yawn. Baekhyun turned, resting his forehead against Jongdae’s.

“You should go to bed,” he said. “Since you’re so tired.”

“But I finally have you alone,” Jongdae said cheekily. Baekhyun rolled his eyes but Jongdae could see him fighting back a smile.

“You have me for the rest of your life,” he whispered. “So for now, go to sleep.” Jongdae nodded, giving Baekhyun a swift, sleepy kiss as they headed inside.

—————————

Jongdae awoke with a weight on his shoulders, his room still submerged in darkness. He blinked confusedly, not yet fully awake and trying to understand the harsh whispers in his ear. He groaned as Baekhyun’s face came into view, his husband shaking him awake frantically.
“What?” Jongdae mumbled sleepily.
“Wake up, Jongdae,” Baekhyun said. His voice sounded sharp, his face tensed. Jongdae looked at him curiously. “We have to take Chanyeol to the hospital. Now.”
—————————

Jongdae awoke with a weight on his shoulders, his room still submerged in darkness. He blinked confusedly, not yet fully awake and trying to understand the harsh whispers in his ear. He groaned as Baekhyun’s face came into view, his husband shaking him awake frantically.

“What?” Jongdae mumbled sleepily.

“Wake up, Jongdae,” Baekhyun said. His voice sounded sharp, his face tensed. Jongdae looked at him curiously. “We have to take Chanyeol to the hospital. Now.” Jongdae sat up immediately, nearly knocking Baekhyun off of him. His heart rate jumped, consciousness flooding into him all at once.

“What happened?” Jongdae asked, jumping out of bed and fumbling in the dark for his socks. He pulled a pair out of a drawer, slipping them on quickly and running out into the hall. Baekhyun ignored his question, running to Chanyeol’s room and returning a moment later with the crying toddler. He rushed past Jongdae, who had grabbed his car keys and slipped on some shoes hastily. “Is he hurt?”

“No,” Baekhyun said, running towards the car. Jongdae unlocked it and they both climbed in. “At least not visibly. I heard him crying and I went to check on him and he was just folded in on himself hugging his stomach and then…”

“And then what?” He started the car, pulling out of the driveway and swiftly following the roads down to the hospital.

“He threw up.” Jongdae pursed his lips, silently driving towards the hospital. Chanyeol continued to cry, clutching at his stomach in pain as Baekhyun tried to gauge his temperature by placing his hand on Chanyeol’s forehead. The toddler squirmed in Baekhyun’s lap.

Jongdae reached the hospital within ten minutes, pulling up to the front door and urging Baekhyun to take Chanyeol inside. “Go, go, I’ll park and meet you inside,” he said, waiting for Baekhyun and Chanyeol to exit the car before speeding off. He parked quickly, nearly jumping out of the car before sprinting towards the hospital. He stumbled over the paving stones leading up to the entrance, nearly toppling over onto a couple of orderlies sipping coffee out front as he pushed through the large double doors. He saw Baekhyun rounding a corner, following a stretcher down a relatively empty hallway and ran to meet him.

“Baek,” Jongdae panted, trying to keep pace with him and a still sobbing Chanyeol.
“They’re taking him in to get checked up now, they’re going to give him an ultrasound to try and find the source of the pain,” Baekhyun said hurriedly. Jongdae nodded, he and Baekhyun jogging to keep up with the nurses pushing Chanyeol’s stretcher. Chanyeol’s hand kept waving erratically at his sides as he cried and Jongdae instinctively reached his hand out to his son. Chanyeol’s small fist close around Jongdae’s finger, squeezing tightly as he cried. The stretcher stopped outside a small room, most of the space taken up by a large machine covered in buttons, tubes arranged neatly along a hospital bed. Chanyeol was rolled into the room, Baekhyun following immediately behind. A nurse held his hand up to Jongdae when he moved forward.

“Family only, please,” he said, and Jongdae gave him a confused look.

“I’m his father,” he said simply, and the nurse merely looked at him confusedly.

“He’s my husband,” came Baekhyun’s quiet voice. He had seated himself next to Chanyeol’s bed. The nurse nodded, stepping aside to let Jongdae in. Instantly he went to Chanyeol, leaning his hip against Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“Who’s the doctor?” Jongdae whispered to Baekhyun. His husband shook his head in response.

“Whoever’s on duty, I suppose,” he said. Jongdae winced.

“I’m calling Sehun,” Jongdae said, already pulling his phone out. Baekhyun nodded as Jongdae left the room, fingers dialing Sehun’s number automatically. Sehun picked up on the third ring.

“Hyung,” he said, worry lacing his voice. “What’s up? I’m at the hospital.”

“So am I,” Jongdae laughed bitterly.

“What?” Sehun’s voice was more frantic now and Jongdae heard the sound of metal scratching against tile as Sehun stood up. “Where? What happened?”

“Chanyeol, he… we don’t actually know yet. His stomach was hurting and he threw up and they’re giving him an ultrasound and I-”

“Hyung, calm down,” Sehun interrupted. His voice was smooth now, soothing instead of worried. “I’m on my way, okay? Just tell me what floor you’re on.”

“First floor, the hallway on the left when you walk in,” Jongdae answered. “Are you sure you can do anything?”

“I’m his pediatrician,” Sehun said surely. “I can at least consult.”

“Thank you,” Jongdae said. “Thank you, Sehun, I-”

“You don’t have to thank me, hyung,” Sehun interrupted. “It’s not like I’m doing you a favor. You’re family.” Jongdae nodded slowly, after Sehun hung up, leaning against the wall behind him as he waited. Sehun showed up two minutes later, panting as he slipped some gloves onto his hands. He nodded at Jongdae, moving past him into Chanyeol’s room. Jongdae followed after him. Baekhyun stood up as Sehun entered, letting out a relieved noise and making room for him near Chanyeol. Sehun smiled at him before turning to one of the nurses.

“Who’s the doctor on this case?” he asked matter-of-factly as he went to stare at the monitor next to Chanyeol.

“If it’s what we think it is,” answered an older nurse, salt and pepper hair tied back from her face. “It’ll be Dr. Zhang.”

“In pediatric surgery?” The nurse nodded in response. “What are the symptoms?”

“Surgery?” Jongdae whispered to Baekhyun, who looked back at him fearfully.

“Moderate abdominal pain, nausea, fever,” the nurse listed.

“Surgery?” Jongdae asked again, louder, as Baekhyun’s hand reached for his arm.

“Nothing too serious,” Sehun said to them without moving away from the machine. “It sounds like appendicitis, but we can’t know for sure until we run some tests. If it ends up being that, you have nothing to worry about. Dr. Zhang is very good with these cases.” He stopped looking at the monitor, sparing them a worried glance. “Hyung, you should wait outside.”

“But-”

“No buts, you both look tired enough to fall over. Go sit outside, I’ll keep you updated.”

“What if he needs us?” Jongdae asked, eyes trained on Chanyeol, who had quieted down considerably but still look uncomfortable with all the foreign adults poking and prodding at him.

“I’ll take care of him, hyung, I promise.” Jongdae hesitated but Baekhyun’s hand tightened around his arm.

“Come on Jongdae, let’s go wait outside,” Baekhyun whispered. Jongdae nodded slowly, letting his husband lead him back out to the hallway. Baekhyun guided him to a small waiting area near the front desk, setting him down in a chair before sinking down next to him. Jongdae leaned his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, hugging his bare arms. He hadn’t had time to grab a jacket, but he didn’t feel as if he was shivering from the cold.

“He wasn’t eating much at dinner,” Jogndae whispered. “I should have known then that he wasn’t feeling well.”

“You couldn’t have known that,” Baekhyun said. “Sometimes he eats everything and sometimes he doesn’t. He looked fine at dinner. Happy.”

“I still feel like I should’ve known… like I should’ve sensed it or something.”

“There’s no secret sixth sense for dads, Jongdae,” Baekhyun whispered. “We just have to do the best we can with what we get.” Jongdae nodded, unable to form words. He suddenly felt so tired, as if abruptly being pulled out of sleep was catching up to him. Baekhyun seemed to notice. “Sleep, Jongdae,” he whispered, running his hand through Jongdae’s hair softly. “I’ll wake you if anything happens.” Jongdae hummed sleepily, snuggling his face into the crook of Baekhyun’s neck. Baekhyun began to hum softly, an old song Jongdae had loved as a child. Under the lull of his voice, the soft brushing of his fingers, and the warmth of his skin, Jongdae felt himself drift back to sleep.

—————————

Jongdae awoke what felt like minutes later. He opened his eyes to a world on its side, with Baekhyun’s smiling face tilted towards him. He groaned, blinking away the strange sense of vertigo creeping into him.

“Good morning sunshine,” Baekhyun sang as Jongdae sat up.

“How’s Yeollie?” he asked instantly. Worry and confusion slammed into him at once.

“Perfectly fine,” came a voice from his right. Jongdae recognized it immediately.

“Joonmyun hyung?”

“That is my name,” Joonmyun said, dusting nonexistent lint off of his ghastly argyle sweater. “Don’t wear it out.”

Jongdae heard a groan from his left and turned in time to see Kyungsoo rolling his eyes at his husband from behind his thick framed glasses. He pushed the round frames up from where they were slipping off his nose and set his book down in his lap. “Please don’t talk like that,” he said. “It’s embarrassing.”

“I’m trying to be hip, Soo.” Kyungsoo groaned again, turning back to his book, but Joonmyun ignored him.

“When did you two get here?” Jongdae asked.

“Well I saw you two out here when I started my shift this morning,” Joonmyun said pointedly. “You should have called us immediately.”

“I… but… uh-”

“Please Joonmyun, he was too busy worrying about Chanyeol to think of calling us,” Kyungsoo supplied. He gave Jongdae an understanding smile. “Chanyeol is fine by the way. No appendicitis, no surgery.”

“Really?” Jongdae felt relief rushing through him at Kyungsoo’s words but he still found himself looking to Baekhyun for an explanation. His husband nodded.

“Sehun made sure they ran all the right tests before jumping straight to the appendicitis explanation,” Baekhyun began. “Turns out they were going with the worst possible scenario, what with how panicked you looked. But Sehun checked him out and it’s just a little stomach flu. He already tore them all a new one for overreacting.”

“Stomach flu,” Jongdae repeated dazedly. “No surgery.”

“No surgery,” Baekhyun reaffirmed. “Just lots of icky medicine that we get to convince him to take every night.”

“Is he feeling better now?”

“Much better,” Joonmyun piped up cheerily. He gave Jongdae a full-toothed grin. “And he keeps asking for his Papa.”

Jongdae turned to Baekhyun, frowning. “You should go to him if he’s asking for you, you don’t have to wait here for me to wake up.”

Baekhyun snorted. “I did go to him. He doesn’t want just me, he wants you.”

“He said Papa,” Jongdae said.

“Yes,” Baekhyun replied. “And that’s you.”

Comprehension came to Jongdae slowly, melting on his tongue like spun sugar. “He called me Papa?”

“Yes.”

“Not just Jongdae?”

“Not just Jongdae,” Joonmyun laughed.

“Can I go see him?” Jongdae asked, but he was already on his feet moving towards the room where he’d left Chanyeol last night.

“It’s this way Pops,” Baekhyun chuckled, guiding Jongdae in the opposite direction. “They moved him to an actual room.” Jongdae half dragged Baekhyun towards the opposite hall, trying not to trip over his own feet as Baekhyun tried to balance leading him and being pulled along at the same time. “Here it’s this room,” Baekhyun said, stopping in front of a room halfway down the hall with the curtains opened up. Chanyeol’s bed was the only one occupied in the room, the blue covers kicked around and bunched up in a corner as the toddler sat quietly. Sehun sat on the bed chatting with Chanyeol, who looked up at him through his mess of black hair, cheeks looking pinched like they do when he’s trying not to smile.

“Chanyeol-ah,” Jongdae said, unable to stop himself from grinning. His son looked at him, eyes growing wide and a real smile spreading across his tired face.

“Papa!” he squealed, lifting his chubby arms up and shaking them as if beckoning Jongdae closer. He obliged, half running to hug Chanyeol, laughing when the toddler’s arms linked around his head.

“You’re okay,” Jongdae sighed. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”

“Told you I’d take care of him,” Sehun mumbled from behind him whilst standing up.

“Thank you, Sehun,” Baekhyun laughed, patting him on the back. Sehun nodded in response, smiling timidly.

“I should get to my rounds,” Sehun said, mumbling quick greetings to Joonmyun and Kyungsoo. He turned in the doorway, looking sternly at Chanyeol. “Chanyeol-ah,” he said. “Remembering to tell your Papa what you told me, okay?”

“Okay,” the toddler nodded, looking down at his hands as Jongdae stared at him.

“What did you want to tell me, Yeollie?” Jongdae asked softly. Chanyeol motioned towards Jongdae again, sticking out his small hands and placing them on Jongdae’s cheeks once he was close enough.

“Don’t be scared, Papa,” Chanyeol said.

“I’m not scared,” Jongdae said. “I’m happy. I’m happy you feel better.”
“Good,” Chanyeol said seriously. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jongdae laughed. He felt Baekhyun’s hand on his lower back, rubbing circles into his shirt. He hugged Chanyeol and felt Baekhyun reach over, his arms encompassing them both. “I love you both so much.”

“This is adorable,” Joonmyun whispered behind them. There was a thud followed by Joonmyun quietly muttering “ow.”

“Stop ruining the moment,” Kyungsoo whispered and Jongdae couldn’t help but laugh. He tried to turn as much as he could while still keeping his arm looped around Chanyeol.

“Come get a hug you two,” Jongdae said, extending his other arm. Kyungsoo opened his mouth to protest but Joonmyun pushed him forward, folding him into the center of the hug. Chanyeol giggled delightedly, prompting them all to laugh with him. Jongdae looked around the circle at his laughing family, his cheerful friends, and the hope and love on their faces. He willed himself to ignore the erratic beating in his pulse, the slight bit of worry still swooping into his stomach. He was getting better at this. He had to be getting better.

————1 Month Later————

Jongdae stood in his bedroom, brushing a strand of hair into place with shaking hands. He and Baekhyun were taking Chanyeol to an open house for an elite preschool near their house. Chanyeol would be starting school next year and both of them had been dead set on getting him into the best school in the area. Now they were pulling out their suits and attempting to look put together for the night where school officials would meet prospective students and their families. Baekhyun had already wrestled Chanyeol into a smart gray suit, even allowing the boy to pick out his own shirt. He sat in the living room tugging on his little bow tie and admiring his new pink and gray outfit in the mirror as his parents got themselves ready. Jongdae glanced at the clock, gulping nervously as he and Baekhyun got around to their finishing touches. Jongdae pulled at his shirt collar, grimacing at the way the starched edge of it dug into the back of his neck.

“Ya, stop pulling on that,” Baekhyun tutted from behind him. Jongdae’s husband stood on his toes to get a look in the bedroom mirror. His black pants stretched up with him, giving way to his patterned dress socks. Jongdae frowned at his husband, whose attire looked crisp right down to his ironed socks. His own blue socks looked worked to death from being worn to so many lectures and meetings. Baekhyun looked perfect, his shirt creased in all the right places, his pants without a hint of lint, and his hair expertly styled. All the ensemble needed was the blue silk tie wrapped around Baekhyun’s delicate hands. He appeared to be fighting with the fabric, dark silk looping around his hands again and again and Jongdae stared.

“I feel underdressed,” Jongdae said as Baekhyun attempted to perfect the knot for the sixth time.

“Hmm?” Baekhyun replied, the bit of tie he held between his lips muffling his speech. Jongdae laughed, pulling the fabric away from his husband’s mouth and leaving Baekhyun’s infamous pout behind.

“Let me do it,” Jongdae said, his hands already moving to knot the tie. Baekhyun’s pout lifted up into a shy smile, and he tilted his head forward slightly, letting his hair fall into his eyes. Jongdae’s smile stretched further, his heart leaping like a lovesick little school boy’s at the sight.

“I told you to buy a new suit,” Baekhyun mumbled.

“What?”

“You said you felt underdressed,” Baekhyun said. “I told you to buy a new suit for tonight but no,” he craned his neck to the side, speaking through his nose. “The ones I have are fine Baekhyun-ah!”

“Here I am,” Jongdae began, tugging a little too tightly on Baekhyun’s tie before letting it fall to his chest. “Thinking ‘wow, my husband could not possibly get any cuter!’ And you’re scolding me about my suit.”

“That doesn’t mean you think I’m any less cute though, does it?”

“Don’t be cheeky,” Jongdae mumbled, willing himself to keep his expression neutral. “And why can you not knot your own tie after all these years?” But Baekhyun was too busy grinning at Jongdae, his chin balanced on his husband’s chest as he batted his lashes. Byun Baekhyun would not pass up an opportunity to push Jongdae’s buttons.

“You’re still thinking about how cute I am, aren’t you?” Baekhyun sang, his slim fingers tracing their way to Jongdae’s hips. Jongdae rested his forehead on Baekhyun’s head, breathing slowly.

“Shut up,” he said, but his voice came out as a defeated whine and Baekhyun merely laughed in response.

“You know I could never do ties,” he sighed. “Lu Han hyung has to fix mine whenever I get to work.”

“Don’t let Lu Han hyung anywhere near your neck. You know how touchy feely he gets.”
Baekhyun laughed again. “Who’s being cute now?”

“Still you.” Baekhyun’s smile softened, his slim fingers tracing Jongdae’s cheek. He stepped back and spun around, stretching his arms out so Jongdae could get the full effect of his ensemble. “How do I look?”

“Totally bang-able,” Jongdae said and Baekhyun snorted in response. “Though if you ask me, I think you need some eyeliner.”

“Are we back in college now?” Baekhyun laughed.

“Only if you’re planning on wearing eyeliner again,” Jongdae said.

“Not tonight, babe,” Baekhyun said cheekily.

Jongdae smiled. “You look handsome,” he said, straightening his husband’s collar. Baekhyun looked down, his cheeks flushing red. He took a moment to collect himself before looking back at Jongdae.

“I think you look perfect,” Baekhyun said. “Not underdressed.”

“Thank you,” Jongdae sighed, placing a quick kiss on his husband’s forehead. Still, his fingers found the buttons of his suit, fidgeting with them nervously. Baekhyun frowned at him.
“Alright, what’s eating at you,” Baekhyun asked.

“Nothing.”

“N.. nothing?” Baekhyun’s eyes widened as he stared at his husband, his wispy eyebrows disappearing into his bangs. “Did you, Kim Jongdae, just lie to me, Byun Baekhyun, your lawfully wedded husband?”

“You can’t prove anything!” Jongdae exclaimed, but he could already see his husband’s expression changing and dread crashed upon him.

“Oh but can’t I?” Baekhyun’s voice had stretched, filling up the small space between them as it often did. Baekhyun had a way of making up for his small stature with his boisterous voice and it was pressing against Jongdae now, making him want to slink away from his husband. “Let me tell you a little story, Jongdae.”

Jongdae groaned automatically. “Not the drama club story aga-”

“Oh but it is the drama club story again because you apparently didn’t get the message the first time!”

“Or the second, or the third, or the fourth, or the five hundred times after that -”

“Shut up and listen,” Baekhyun cut off exasperatedly. “Now when I was in high school, I was a prominent member of the drama club.”

“Baek, I swear to God... I already know where this goes.”

“Will you just listen?” Baekhyun’s hands fluttered impatiently in front of Jongdae’s face before two slim fingers pinned Jongdae’s lips shut. “As I was saying, I was a member of the drama club. In our senior year we all received awards from the department, and I was the recipient of the most coveted award of all.” Jongdae rolled his eyes, suppressing another groan. Baekhyun continued, oblivious to Jongdae’s exasperation. “I was crowned the most dramatic. And in order to have the honor of being the biggest drama queen of them all, I must always be emphatic, empathetic, and capable of bringing -”

“- Any story to life,” Jongdae finished, mumbling through his pinched lips. Baekhyun frowned at him. Jongdae swatted at Baekhyun’s hand until the latter released his grip. “I know this whole speech by heart, Baekhyun.”

“Well then you should know that making up stories on the spot for so long has left me with an impeccable bullshit radar. You cannot lie to me.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, that is so.”

“Well then I think you should know that Sehun lied to you last week when he told you I broke that china plate your mother sent you...”

Baekhyun slowly inched closer to Jongdae. “Kim Jongdae...”

“...and it was actually his fault that it broke.” Jongdae smirked.

“That was Sehun?” Baekhyun’s brow scrunched up in annoyance. “Why that little - I yelled at you for that!”

“The point is,” Jongdae said, trying to pull Baekhyun away from the anger that was clearly building in him. “You can be lied to.”

Baekhyun merely frowned at him. “Not by you. I know something’s bothering you, Jongdae.”

“Trust me, Baek, I’m fine.”

“Kim Jongdae that is bullshit and you know it.” Baekhyun had moved even closer to him by now, his face pinched with worry. His voice had turned serious, one hand hovering over Jongdae’s shoulder as he frowned at Jongdae’s sullen face. “I know you. You don’t like to get emotional. I’ve been there for every encouraging smile and every spirited laugh when really you just wanted to shrink into yourself. I know you like to put on a brave face when you feel hurt, or scared, or small. I see how much of yourself you give away to keep everyone else happy, no matter how much it takes out of you to do so. You can’t hide that from me, Jongdae. You can hide behind that encouraging smile of yours all you want, but you’ll still always be an open book to me. I can see when you’re hurting, I can read it on your face and hear it in your heavy steps. Let me help you.”

“Baek,” Jongdae said, running his thumb along his husband’s rounded cheeks. He paused to collect himself, not trusting his voice to stay steady. “I must be a dull book,” he finally choked out. Baekhyun’s lip twitched up into a small smile.

“Kim Jongdae,” he whispered. “Of every book I have read, of every famed sonnet I have recited, of every epic saga created, of every tune that has ever been engrained in my head, you have always been the most interesting.”

“Really?”

“The dearest to my heart,” Baekhyun said, placing a soft kiss on Jongdae’s lips.

“That’s just unfair,” Jongdae whined. Baekhyun looked back at him with confusion. “You can’t go from telling that dumb drama club story to saying romantic stuff like that in under five minutes.”

“That story is not dumb!” Baekhyun snapped, mouth turning down into an offended pout.

“It is so dumb, Baekhyun, don’t even try to argue with me.”

“Oh shut up,” Baekhyun grumbled. Jongdae laughed, wrapping his hand around Baekhyun’s wrist.

“Come on,” he said, pulling Baekhyun towards the front hall. “We’ll be late for the open house.”

“But -”

“Baek, we can talk when we get home, I promise.” Jongdae smiled at him, but he knew Baekhyun could see through his false happiness. Jongdae could feel the churning in his stomach returning as his blood beat harshly against his ears. He swallowed, trying to calm himself as Baekhyun nodded, turning to get Chanyeol.

“I’ll meet you in the car,” Baekhyun said quietly. Jongdae nodded, smiling once more before grabbing his keys and making for the front door.

—————————

Jongdae desperately wished he had something much stronger than orange juice in his cup. He and Baekhyun had showed up just on time, with Chanyeol thankfully behaving himself the whole way there. They had pulled up to an elegantly built school, with high ceilings and Victorian architecture. The parking lot had been filled with expensive looking cars, far too trendy and uncomfortable to have ever interested Baekhyun or Jongdae. Baekhyun had taken the ostentatious atmosphere in stride but Jongdae was left feeling breathless. He gulped air down slowly, trying to stay calm. Baekhyun looked at him worriedly, taking Chanyeol by the hand. Jongdae smiled back reassuringly. A woman with shiny black hair pulled back into a chignon reached her hand forward to greet them. Jongdae took it nervously.

“Welcome to Ridenberg Academy of the Arts and Sciences,” she chirped. “We hope you find our facility to your liking.”

“I’m sure we’ll love it,” Baekhyun replied brightly. She tilted her head at him, smiling.

“We certainly hope so. Our school is a wonderful opportunity to shape a bright future for your child.” Jongdae gulped again as Baekhyun laughed good-naturedly. He could feel his nerves getting the best of him despite Baekhyun’s comforting presence. Baekhyun had been very light hearted about the open house in the days leading up to it but Jongdae knew how much getting Chanyeol into a good school meant to him, to both of them. Don’t screw up, Jongdae thought to himself. This is for Chanyeol. Don’t screw up
.
Baekhyun dragged him out of his thoughts, pulling him and Chanyeol along to meet fellow parents and speak to teachers. Jongdae nodded along to Baekhyun’s words, trying to make sense of the blur of new names and parents in fancy clothes. He clutched his cup, gulping down orange juice as Baekhyun continued to flit from group to group. There were tables set up throughout the hallways of the school piled with pamphlets of information with a teacher standing behind each describing some aspect of the school. Baekhyun talked to each one, eyes bright and hands waving about excitedly as he spoke. Chanyeol followed behind him, smiling impishly, his dark curls shining in the fluorescent lights. Jongdae tried to smile too, stretching his lips back as Baekhyun continued to fly between tables, turning around to make sure Jongdae was still behind him, or else trying to drag him into conversation.

“Look, Jongdae,” Baekhyun said at one table. “They have all these sports teams.”
“Ah, yeah that’s really nice,” Jongdae chuckled nervously. He took the pamphlet Baekhyun handed him with shaking hands, still attempting to smile. Baekhyun looked at him curiously before looking at Chanyeol.

“Yeollie, why don’t you go play with the kids?” Baekhyun said sweetly, pointing Chanyeol towards a group of children playing games in the center of the room. Chanyeol nodded excitedly before running off. Baekhyun watched him go before turning back to Jongdae.

“Are you alright?” Baekhyun said under his breath, taking in Jongdae’s quivering form.

“Fine,” Jongdae said too quickly. “I’m… I’m fine.” Baekhyun gave him a skeptical look.

“Anyway, what do you think of the school?”

“It’s nice,” Jongdae said. “It’s… definitely special.”

“What part did you like?”

“I…. uh,” Jongdae stuttered.

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun began. “This is important. I want Chanyeol to get the best education from the start and I want it to give him enough opportunities to find his own talents. It would be great if you paid attention.”

“I’m sorry, Baekhyun-ah, I am paying attention,” Jongdae whispered. “Really.”

“I want to believe you but-”

“Really, I’m here to listen and to learn. I want to give Yeol as many opportunities as I can.” Jongdae smiled placatingly and Baekhyun nodded.

“I’m going to go look at the drama department’s stand,” Baekhyun said. “If you need some time to yourself.” He turned away from Jongdae before he received a response, though truly all Jongdae wanted to do was question a preschool’s need for a drama program. He thought about following behind Baekhyun but before he could, he felt something collide with his leg. He looked down to see Chanyeol clinging to his pants.

“Back already?” Jongdae laughed but Chanyeol merely hid his face in his father’s pant leg. “Yeol? What’s wrong?” Chanyeol shook his head, holding back tears as he buried his face in Jongdae’s leg. “What’s wrong, Chanyeol?” Jongdae asked again, and this time Chanyeol pointed to a little boy his age laughing a little distance away. The boy’s light hair was stylishly gelled back and he had been stuffed into a white silk shirt and black slacks. Jongdae frowned at him. If Richie Rich was a real person, Jongdae thought, he would definitely look like this boy.

The little boy snickered again and Jongdae felt a strange heat crawling up the back of his neck. He placed a hand protectively on Chanyeol’s shoulder before fixing the child with a level glare.

“Is something funny son?” he asked, and he felt Chanyeol stir under his grip as he registered Jongdae’s falsely cheery tone. He glanced worriedly from the other toddler to his father, tugging on his bright pink shirt nervously. The giggling boy merely hid his grin behind a hand, shaking his head but keeping his eyes fixed on Chanyeol. “Oh I think something is funny to you, kiddo.”

“What’s going on?” Baekhyun’s voice floated towards Jongdae as he sidled to his husband’s side, long-fingered hand floating in the space between his side and Jongdae’s crossed arms.

“I think this little boy finds something funny and I’d like to know what,” Jongdae said, feeling his cheeks start to burn from keeping a smile plastered on his face for too long. “Go on kid, tell us the joke.”

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun started, his usually teasing voice taking on a sharper tone. Jongdae placed his other hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder, squeezing slightly as his face kept itself stretched in a fake grin. Baekhyun faltered and the other toddler laughed again, raising a finger to point at Chanyeol.

“My daddy says it’s weird for boys to wear pink,” the toddler stage whispered, and Chanyeol’s mouth turned down into a little pout as he registered the other boy’s words.

“Is that so?” Jongdae asked with a little chuckle. “Well kiddo, you can tell your daddy to suck my di-”

“Jongdae!” Baekhyun hissed, his hand coming down over his husband’s mouth in a panic. Jongdae mumbled around the sweaty skin, letting his tongue pop out to lick Baekhyun’s palm. His husband’s hand twitched and he removed it but the look he gave Jongdae was venomous enough to make him keep his mouth shut. Baekhyun turned to the little boy, who seemed to be catching onto the fact that he was in trouble. “It’s not very nice to laugh at other people, son.” The boy frowned at Baekhyun, lip quivering slightly.

“What’s going on?” came a gruff voice from behind Jongdae. He turned to see a man his age but at least six inches taller towering over him, arms crossed over a well built chest as he looked from the boy on the verge of tears to Chanyeol still hiding behind Jongdae. The man’s face was cold as he arched one elegant brow at them all. “Are you bothering my son?”

“No, sir,” Baekhyun said, his voice taking on the diplomatic air he usually saved for business meetings. “We were just-”

“He was bothering my son,” Jongdae interrupted, and he felt Baekhyun shoot him a glare. But confidence was running amuck in him now and he felt compelled to continue. “You should teach him some manners.” Baekhyun winced and the man’s other eyebrow shot up as he stared incredulously at Jongdae.

“I should be teaching you manners,” the man began, his voice a harsh whisper as his finger thudded against Jongdae’s chest. “You little-”

“Do not,” Baekhyun interrupted, hand wrapping around the man’s finger. “Touch my husband again.”

“He disrespected me,” the man shot back angrily. Jongdae noticed a few of the teachers glancing over at their party now, worry lining their faces.

“I did no such thing,” Jongdae spat back and Baekhyun turned to look at him again, a warning in his eyes. “If your son hadn’t-”

“Don’t even mention my son in that tone,” the man said. His face was haughty, his voice offended, but an angered Jongdae knew no limits.

“I’ll mention him in whatever fucking tone I want the little-”

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun stopped him. The look on his face was incredulous. There were definitely people staring now. “You’re not helping.”

“But he-”

“No,” Baekhyun said again. “You’re making it worse.” The man had pulled his finger out of Baekhyun’s grip and was staring angrily at both of them, as if waiting for Jongdae to finish insulting his son.

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae pleaded.

“He’s a child,” Baekhyun whispered, glancing towards the man’s son. “Don’t yell at him for the nonsense his father taught him. He doesn’t know any better.”

“But I-”

“No, Jongdae,” Baekhyun said sternly. Jongdae felt hurt creeping into him as Baekhyun stared at him sadly.

“Is everything alright?” The woman who had greeted them was back now, the wrinkles on her face appearing deeper as she stared at them with worry. Baekhyun smiled politely at her. “I think we were just having a minor disagreement. If you’ll just excuse me a moment,” he said before taking Jongdae by the arm and guiding him to the door. Chanyeol was still clinging to Jongdae’s leg as Baekhyun spoke. “Just… Just take Chanyeol outside, I’ll meet you in a few minutes.”

“I was just trying to help, Baek,” Jongdae mumbled and for a moment Baekhyun looked sympathetic. But then something else passed over his face and Jongdae felt his heart drop.

“I know,” Baekhyun said. “But we’ll talk about this later.” And then he turned back to the woman waiting with her hands on her hips and the haughty looking man who was still shooting daggers at Jongdae over Baekhyun’s shoulder and Jongdae couldn’t help but think no amount of glaring could prick him like the sound of disappointment in Baekhyun’s voice.

—————————

Jongdae heard the front door slam shut as Baekhyun joined him on the porch. The night air felt cool against Jongdae’s flushed skin but it did nothing to dull the ache in the pit of his stomach where acid seemed to be clawing at his insides. Baekhyun hadn’t said a word to him on the ride home from the open house and even Chanyeol had stayed silent, sucking on his thumb as he stared wide-eyed at his parents. Baekhyun had pulled him out of the car seat upon reaching home and immediately gone to tuck him into bed. Jongdae had waited only a couple of minutes before returning outside to collapse onto the porch swing.

Baekhyun’s jaw twitched as he stared at his husband. He silently moved to sink down onto the top step of the porch, ignoring the spot next to Jongdae. He was still facing the street when he spoke. “You nearly cursed out a child today.”

“He was being mean to Yeol,” Jongdae whispered. Baekhyun’s hair shook, almost invisible in the shadows.

“He was a little kid with some fucked up ideas in his head and yelling at him wouldn’t exactly have warmed him up to what you had to say. He was an ignorant child and your anger would only have made things worse... but that’s not the point. I’ve never seen you snap at someone like that, especially not at a kid. I’ve never seen you act so childish. What is going on with you, Jongdae? And do not tell me you’re fine again.”

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae said too quickly. Baekhyun’s head whipped around and he seemed to want to say something, or yell more likely by the way his mouth snapped open. Instead he gritted his teeth, waiting for Jongdae to speak. “I’m... I’m just stressed.”

“So speak to me about it!” Baekhyun couldn’t seem to hold back his exasperation now. “Tell me why you’re stressed, don’t bottle it up and then explode like this.”

“It’s just... I just -”

“You just what, Jongdae?” Jongdae winced at the hurt in his husband’s voice. Baekhyun was looking at him with pleading eyes even as his jaw remained clenched in anger. Jongdae took a deep breath, steadying himself.

“Look, Baekhyun... I’m not good with kids.” Baekhyun scoffed, looking away from Jongdae. He held his hands up to his exasperated husband. “No wait, hear me out. I’m not good with kids, I never was. Being a dad... it doesn’t come naturally to me, okay? Not like with you. You’re so...” Jongdae stopped, running one shaky hand through his hair. Baekhyun was staring at him intently now, silent for once in his life. “You’re just so bright, Baek. You, your words, your smiles, your laughs, your every action is so bright. Every part of you shines more than I ever could and the light that you let out... it touches everyone. I just don’t know how to do that! I know I talk a lot, I mean we both do. But I feel like I never know what to say, and with Chanyeol it’s a hundred times worse, if not a thousand. I can’t find the right words like you can. I can’t be a dad like you can.” Baekhyun opened his mouth again, but Jongdae held his hand up imploringly. “That’s all true, but you know what else is? I love Chanyeol so much. I love him just as much as I love you, and I’m going to try for him, Baek. I’m going to try to be a good father. I’m going to fuck up, I know I am. I’m going to say the wrong things at the wrong times or freeze up when you need me or just get lost but I will never stop trying. I may not be as good at being a dad as you, but I do love our son. I will always love our son. Please, you have to know that.”

“Of course I know that,” Baekhyun said softly. He took Jongdae’s hand, tugging on it until he sat down on the porch next to him. “I know you love Chanyeol, and he knows it too. I think you don’t realize that a lot of the time. He’s a kid but he knows. He sees it when you pick up after him or when pull him away from things that could hurt him or when you pick him up off the ground at the park. But he can see when you’re afraid too. Jongdae, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about you after all these years, it’s that you love so fiercely and so completely and that scares the hell out of you.

I know you’re used to being careful and calculated and all that jazz, but inside you is so much joy, so much passion, and so much love. You think I shine brightly? You’re a fucking supernova, Kim Jongdae. We all know it, we’ve all felt it. Hell, maybe you’re so careful because if you weren’t, you’d love us all to death.” Baekhyun laughed at his words, his thumb absentmindedly stroking at the back of Jongdae’s hand. “But you don’t have to put a wall up around us. The Jongdae that loves so fiercely and relentlessly, the one that laughs too loud at the wrong times or who rushes through his words when he’s unsure of himself, that’s the Jongdae I fell in love with. Not just biochemical engineer Jongdae, but the Jongdae who can’t control his laughter, the one that fucks up, the one that gets fed up with things and leaves the room, and the one that always comes back to me no matter how fed up he gets. And that’s the Jongdae that Chanyeol loves.

I know it bothered you that he didn’t call you anything but Jongdae for the longest time, but that was because you didn’t want to be called anything but that. But that day in the hospital, when you stopped trying to be so careful and just showed him how much you cared, he saw all your love out in the open, and there’s no way he could be unsure of you after that. He loves you. He knows you care about him, he knows you take care of him and that you always will. That’s all he needs really. That’s all anyone could want.” Baekhyun placed a soft kiss upon Jongdae’s temple, then leaned their foreheads together. “You’re a great father, Kim Jongdae. Just believe in yourself... like I believe in you.”

“That,” Jongdae began softly. “That is… by far the cheesiest thing you have ever said to me. I cannot believe-”

“Don’t be a dick,” Baekhyun snapped and Jongdae couldn’t help but laugh. “I meant every word.”

“I know you did… thank you for…. for being you. I love you so much.”

“Now who’s being cheesy?” Baekhyun snorted and suddenly they were both dissolving into laughter. It took Baekhyun a minute to collect himself enough to continue. “Do you feel better now?”

“Yes,” Jongdae said.

“Good. Because now we start the real adventure.”

“What’s that?”

“Kim Jongdae,” Baekhyun said, standing up and spreading his arms out in front of him. “Welcome… to fatherhood.”

“Lame,” Jongdae groaned.

“I’m not lame!”

“You’re so lame, just admit it,” Jongdae said. Baekhyun mimicked him, pushing his voice up an octave and speaking through his nose. Jongdae laughed again, feeling a weight lift off his heart as he did.

See, getting married was easy for Jongdae, what with someone like Baekhyun to love.
Finding a job and settling down? Piece of cake. Having a kid? Not so easy, though Baekhyun made it easier every day.

But loving Chanyeol and Baekhyun… waking up everyday knowing he could call them his family? Now that was a piece of cake.

————10 Months Later————

“You’re doing it wrong,” Jongdae deadpanned.

“I am not doing it wrong!” Baekhyun snapped back, egg yolks oozing over his free hand as he tried to battle with his sorry excuse for batter.

“You’re definitely doing it wrong,” Kyungsoo agreed, staring into the mixing bowl. “Your batter is way too thick.”

“But it is batter,” Baekhyun said.

“I use the term loosely.”

“I told you you were doing it wrong,” Jongdae laughed. Baekhyun copied him instantly, face scrunching up as he attempted to make himself sound as nasally as possible.

“Like you could do any better, hyung,” Sehun said, staring at the goop in Baekhyun’s bowl with a pained expression. “Can’t we just go out for my birthday?”

“No!” Baekhyun screeched instantly. “No, this is a tradition, we always make cakes for each other.”

“Why couldn’t Kyungsoo hyung bake my cake?” Sehun asked.

“Because he makes it every time!”

“I really don’t mind making cake,” Kyungsoo said, but Baekhyun and Sehun’s voices were already rising to shouts as they argued with each other. Jongdae rolled his eyes behind their backs and Kyungsoo merely placed his head in his palms.

“Where’s Chanyeol?” Joonmyun asked suddenly from his spot at the dining table.
“I thought you were watching him,” Jongdae said. Baekhyun instantly stopped shouting at Sehun, listening intently to their conversation.

“I thought you were watching him,” Joonmyun said carefully. “And Jongin.”

“But if I’m not watching them,” Jongdae said. “And you’re not watching them… then…”

“Oh n-” Baekhyun began, but he was interrupted by a loud crash as the contents of the table came tumbling down. Jongdae jumped at the sudden sound. He looked towards the ground, seeing the blue plastic mixing bowl upended on the ground along with a carton of eggs. Chanyeol and Jongin stood in the center of the mess giggling at their handiwork. Jongdae groaned, taking in the mess.

“Great,” Sehun said sarcastically. “No cake.”

“No cake?” Chanyeol repeated. His eyes grew large as he looked at the remnants of flower and frosting covering the ground. “No cake…”

“Why does this happen every year,” Lu Han said, staring uninterestedly at his phone.

“Sehun, I hate you,” Jongdae said.

“Fu-”

“Do NOT finish that word!” Baekhyun and Joonmyun screamed simultaneously. Chanyeol took one last look at the mess on the floor, tears pooling in his eyes. He looked directly at Jongdae, lower lip wobbling as he struggled to form words through his grief. Chanyeol began to wail and Jongin followed not soon after.

“I,” Chanyeol said. “Want. CAKE.”

Jongdae couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so hard.

————THE END————

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Author's Note: I hope you enjoy this fic and that it's what you wanted! I had a lot of fun writing it, so thank you for coming up with the prompt!

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