#213: never stop this train (think I got 'em now)

[lordchen]

Prompt: # 213
Title: never stop this train (think I got 'em now)
Pairing: Chen/Baekhyun
Rating: pg-13
Warnings: n/a
Word count: 20160
Summary: As a first step of freedom following his graduation, Jongdae takes an adventure across the country. There, he learns that not everything is a simple answer or a quick fix, and maybe those are the most rewarding to solve.
Author's note: Thank you so much to both betas who helped transform this fic into what it is now. I hope this stayed close to the prompt, and I apologize if there are any discrepancies with research.



3.911 GPA. Graduated summa cum laude from Seoul National University with a degree in business and pharmacology. Two internships completed before senior year. Job lined up immediately following graduation.

Kim Jongdae considers himself successful.

As Jongdae finishes packing the few remaining boxes needed to finally move out of his apartment, he ponders over his years in college. When friends ask him how did you do it? How did you do so well in such a prestigious university? Jongdae simply shrugs his shoulders and gives his tiny smirk that makes his eyes curve. He doesn’t know what’s so miraculous about that; in fact, he would argue that graduating with all his honors wasn’t that difficult. No, not really.

He supposes nothing can be that difficult when he had his parents who held his hand, ensuring that their only son would make something of himself. Their support included paying the tuition to the very prestigious (and also expensive) university of their choice, along with giving Jongdae a living stipend and a one-bedroom apartment where he could live comfortably during his years in school. With his parents help, Jongdae succeeded. That’s how he did it. That’s what he should tell his friends. Many of his other friends had jobs to pay for the tuition, or the housing, or something - but not Jongdae. Jongdae realizes, in retrospect, that he had it easy - easier than most.

Jongdae packs up his pictures frames and smiles with a brief feeling of nostalgia overtaking him. He will miss his best friends, Minseok, Yifan, and Luhan, after spending so many years with them, attending the same university or living in the same apartment complex. He of course doesn’t have to leave quite so early; many of his friends plan on staying in their apartments a few weeks after graduation. Jongdae knows that he should leave now; he can feel it.

As his first act of independence, Jongdae decides to treat himself to a graduation trip, allowing himself to travel the country for an entire week. When he tells his parents about it, they both stare at him with equal looks of confusion and disapproval; his mother asks, “Are you sure? Why not visit England or the United States? It would give you good practice time for your English.” His dad, a man of very few words, agrees with her, even adding, “Why not China? It wouldn’t hurt to practice that as well.”

Jongdae shakes his head, dead set on his plan - Jongdae enjoys secured plans. When his parents try yet again to dissuade him by asking, “Why do you want to go on this trip?” Jongdae finds that he doesn’t know; frankly, he has no reason for doing this, and maybe that’s the reason in itself - the lack of a reason, Jongdae muses and laughs when his mind gets caught in webs of distorted logic. Jongdae enjoys his comfort zone of established plans, and he thinks he needs a sense of adventure in his life. Perhaps a lack of an exact plan and reason is a decent place to start.

In a productive manner, he does it all himself: research the idea, book the compartment, spend the money. He can finally do something without the help or approval of his parents. When Jongdae clicks confirm, he feels a wave of freedom and relief that he always thought was missing from his life. He remembers his friends describing this feeling for him when they entered university as broke college students, hunting for jobs to pay for their tuition, housing, and sustenance.

His friends, through these experiences that Jongdae never had, seem so much more in tuned with the world, like they actually know what was going on. Jongdae knows he was successful, but as he wraps tape around the final box, he isn’t sure what successful really means when he feels like he’s missed out on so much.

-

Jongdae realizes he probably looks like a hot mess with two suitcases rolling behind him, a bag hanging off his shoulder, and earphones caught in a knot as he’s trying to listen to Siri giving directions. If Jongdae could tell anyone a secret right now, it’s that he doesn’t know how the Seoul train system works at all. Perhaps he should have figured this out before he planned a trip across the country via train.

Jongdae looks around frantically for a sign telling him where to go, and he almost trips over his own two feet in an effort to move quickly. The train leaves at 17:00, and it’s now 16:49. Jongdae doesn’t have much hope that he will make it there in time. Just as he sees the name of the train he needs to enter, Jongdae falls down the last two stairs, causing him to bang his head on the hard cement. Jongdae feels more than sees his suitcases land on top of him. Jongdae moans in agony and makes an attempt to sit up, but his back feels incredibly sore from where it landed on the stairs. Jongdae looks at his Rolex watch and sees the time is 16:55, and he tries to push himself up again. Jongdae realizes it’s much easier this time and sighs in relief, until he realizes that it’s easier because his suitcases are being taken. Jongdae remembers his parents warning him about pickpockets and armed robbers, so instantly he assumes the people in front of him are thieves. Looking up to see two kids in their school uniforms who look to be brothers, Jongdae yells, ”Hey, what do you kids think you’re doing, stealing my stuff?”

The shorter one rolls his eyes and hands the suitcase in his hands to the other boy. “Don’t be a prick. We’re trying to help you, asshole.”

Jongdae sits up completely and looks at them with confusion. He doesn’t remember his parents saying snotty teenagers would ever help him. “Why?”

“Because you were in our way,” the taller one says with a surprisingly deeper voice. “And no one else was going to help you.”

Jongdae looks around at the surrounding area and realizes that the two kids are right. None of the adults walking toward the trains even look in his direction, and they certainly don’t offer to help him. Jongdae nods his head in agreement and stands up. He dusts off his Armani jeans and reaches for his suitcases, but the two simply shake their heads and lead him towards the train. Jongdae tries to prevent any rising suspicion since they were so considerate just a few seconds ago.

“Which line are you getting on? Gyeongbu?”

“Yeah,” Jongdae says, “that’s it.”

The two students lead him onto the train and when Jongdae puts his card to the scanner and says, “They’re with me,” a stewardess leads them to his compartment. Behind him, he hears one of the boys mutter, “He’s rich isn’t he.”

As soon as the three enter his compartment and set his luggage down, the train takes off. Jongdae places his hands on his knees and asks, “So, what are your names? How old are you?”

After a few seconds of silence, Jongdae looks up to see the boys looking at each other with worry etched across their faces. “Is something wrong?” Jongdae asks as he grabs his phone out of his pocket.

“It’s nothing,” the shorter boy dismisses, but Jongdae notices that he still looks worried. “This isn’t our train, that’s all.”

Jongdae think he probably looks funny with the way his eyes suddenly bulge in surprise. “Not your train? Why did you board? I could have done everything myself!” Jongdae looks at the two, now sheepish, boys in front of him and sighs. He takes out his wallet from his bag and asks, “How much will it be to get you guys to your next train?”

“We don’t need your money,” the taller boy says in an annoyed tone.

Jongdae rubs his eyes and looks at the boys in exasperation. “Look, I appreciate you boys helping me, and I feel bad for making you miss your train. So, I’ll take you to a nice restaurant to reimburse you for your kindness, and we’ll figure out how to get you on the right train. In the mean time, what are your names?”
The two boys look at each other again, and when the shorter nods his head, they both look at Jongdae directly with unreadable eyes. The shorter boy says, “I’m Taemin, and he’s Jongin.”

“Oh, okay,” Jongdae says. “So, are you two related? Brothers?”

Taemin raises an eyebrow and begins to retort before he is interrupted by Jongin’s laughter. Jongdae stares at him in bewilderment because he doesn’t realize what is that funny. Once Jongin calms down, he says, “No. Why does everybody ask that?”

Jongdae shrugs his shoulders and laughs. “You look alike.” At their distasteful glares, Jongdae quickly asks, “So how old are you two?”

“Eighteen,” Taemin answers.

“Are you two still in school?” Jongdae asks while looking at their wrinkled uniforms.

“Graduation was today,” Taemin answers again, still refraining from long responses.

“So where are your parents? Wouldn’t they attend your graduation?” Jongdae asks and squints his eyes in confusion.

Jongin looks over at Taemin and says, ”Oh you know.” Jongin waves his hand in a dismissive manner. “Why?”

Jongdae looks at the pair, really looks at them, and wishes he could unsee the beginning of wrinkles on Taemin’s face, the weird scar above Jongin’s eyebrow, the holes on the sides of their shoes, and the shared, tired expression that they both have had since Jongdae met them. Jongdae knows he shouldn’t ask this of them, but he can’t prevent himself from blurting out, “I want to hear your story.”

As Jongdae expected, both Taemin and Jongin look at him as if he is a madman, so Jongdae tries to quickly justify his request. “For research. I’m in graduate school for…” Jongdae stumbles to come up with a field and says the one that comes quickest to his brain, “human geography.”

This hardly alleviates the boys’ shared confused expression, but before Jongdae can elaborate, the train stops. Jongdae stands, pockets his wallet, then asks them, “Are you coming or not? I’ll even buy dessert.”

Jongin and Taemin look at each other, shrug, and stand to follow Jongdae off the train. When Jongdae leads them into a restaurant and talks to the maitre d’, he hears them whispering behind him, wondering if this is a restaurant where you have to use your silverware in a certain order. Jongdae snorts at their questions and tells them to follow him once a server leads them to a table. Immediately upon looking at the menu, Taemin and Jongin both ask with blank stares, “What is this?”

“What is what?” Jongdae asks while staring at the drink selections.

“We don’t know what any of this means,” Jongin says in a whiny tone, and Jongdae has to resist the urge to roll his eyes and smirk at him.

“What do you like? I’ll order for you.”

Jongin and Taemin decide on having some form of beef; when the server returns, Jongdae quickly recites the menu items, leaving Jongin and Taemin stunned at his expertise of fine dining.

“What?” Jongdae asks as he takes a sip of wine.

“Are you rich or something?” Taemin still looks at Jongdae with slight amazement.

“Not really,” Jongdae says nonchalantly. “My parents are well off, I guess. But what about you guys? Will you tell me your story so that I can write my research paper for my sociology class?”

“You said human geography earlier,” Jongin says as he narrows his eyes.

Jongdae cringes at his mistake but quickly responds, “They have the same final. They’re essentially the same thing, trust me.” Jongdae doesn’t really know if they’re the same thing seeing as his parents forbade him from any social science major, but he’s sure that Taemin and Jongin aren’t going to question it.

Sure enough, they don’t. Taemin sighs, “We’ll tell you our ‘story,’” he uses air-quotes to emphasize his point, “as long as you tell us why you’re on a train heading to nowhere when you have this research paper to write.”

“Okay,” Jongdae nods in agreement. “I don’t have classes for the next week, so I decided to take a little trip to the country.” Jongdae supposes that it’s not all a lie because he doesn’t have classes next week (or ever again).

Jongin nods his head in what Jongdae assumes is understanding and asks, “So what do you want to know?”

Jongdae pauses to think for a few seconds, then shrugs. “I don’t know. Just tell me about yourselves.”

Jongin rolls his eyes and says, “I’m Lee Taemin; he’s Kim Jongin. We both just graduated from Chungdam High School, and we lived in Guryong Village our entire lives.”

Seeing Jongdae’s appalled look, Taemin sneers, “Don’t look so surprised. Don’t we look like poor, slum kids who don’t have any future or potential?”

Jongdae wishes he could say something, anything, to refute Taemin’s accusation, but what can he say when he originally thought the pair was going to rob him? After all, they are from Guryong Village - the noteworthy slum Jongdae pretends not to see when he drives on the outskirts of Gangnam. What comforting words does he have for two high school graduates who probably struggled their entire lives: I’m sorry; things will get better? Jongdae feels nervous looking at their blank stares because he has no idea how to handle this situation.

“Speechless?” Jongin asks in a self-deprecating manner. “Didn’t realize you’d be taking two slumdogs to dinner? Nervous that we stole your wallet and we’ll dine and dash on you? Worried that when you check your pocket you won’t find your phone? Scared that-”

“Stop it,” Jongdae murmurs and stares at his glass of wine. He hates himself for checking his pocket to make sure he has both his wallet and his phone.

Taemin gives a dry chuckle and snorts, “You checked your pockets, didn’t you?” Taemin rolls his eyes at Jongdae’s lack of eye contact and spits, “Don’t try to play some sympathetic game with us, especially since you still believe we have some ulterior motive behind helping you. Maybe you’re the one with the shady reason for-”

“Stop it,” Jongdae repeats with more force this time. Taemin stops talking but still glowers at Jongdae, waiting for eye contact. As soon as Jongdae raises his eyes to meet Taemin’s, the latter backs down from the defensive and sinks into the booth. Jongin rubs a hand through his hair and sighs, “We’re not a charity case. That’s what we’re trying to say.”

“When did I ever treat you like that?” Jongdae squeaks due to the lump in his throat. From being nervous or from trying to keep him calm demeanor, Jongdae feels incredibly uncomfortable with how the conversation is turning.

“It’s not that you tried to,” Jongin says and twirls his straw in his water. “But, we’ve seen your type. The rich, ‘my dad’s a CEO’ from Gangnam. We live a few blocks from all that. We know people forget about the poor until they need some good press, and magically,” Jongin sits up and looks idirectly at Jongdae as he continues with more aggravation in his voice, “magically, ‘Guryong needs to be saved!’ And then, some generous, wealthy entrepreneur offers to revamp our slum-”

“Never mind that the generous, wealthy entrepreneur had an affair earlier this year, and he was suspected of tax evasion the year before that,” Taemin interrupts.

“So yeah,” Jongin finishes, “we know who you are. You only associate with us when you need something. So go ahead, write all this down for your research paper, because that’s what you need right? You need us to get your A, and then what? You forget about the poor kids from the slum? That’s what everyone else has done.”

The server coughs softly to alert them that their food is ready. Once the food is placed in front of Jongin and Taemin, they share a glance before quickly shoving food into their mouths. Jongdae looks at the pair in shock because in all his years of college, he doesn’t think he’s seen anyone eat that quickly.

By the time Jongdae finally eats some of his rice, Jongin and Taemin are sipping their drinks, plates completely empty. Jongdae raises his eyebrow because he is both confused and impressed. Between chews, Jongdae wipes his mouth with his napkin and asks, “Have you thought about what you want to do now that you’ve graduated?”

Once again, they both shrug their shoulders, and Jongin speaks up, “We like to dance.”

Jongdae can’t help but to snort and laugh, “That’s not a real career.” Immediately after saying that, Jongdae realizes that he’s offended them - or at least he’s assuming that from Taemin rolling his eyes and Jongin’s not-so-subtle glare.

Quickly trying to correct himself, Jongdae says, “Look, do what you like, but I’m looking after you. You want a career that will guarantee you a job, right?”

Taemin raises an eyebrow and retorts, “Yeah? Well why is the unemployment rate for college grads so high?”

Jongdae instantly tries to disprove Taemin, but when thinks back to how his friends looked so apprehensive at graduation when they should have been elated, Jongdae realizes that Taemin may be right. Jongdae has a job waiting for him right now; he doesn’t know if that good fortune extends to all of them.

Jongdae keeps his head down and finishes his meal in silence, every now and again looking up to see what the other two are doing. After ten minutes, Taemin announces that he needs to use the restroom, and Jongin says that he will join him as soon as the server brings his refill. Once Jongdae sees Taemin’s retreating figure, he looks at Jongin directly and says, “Please stay for a few minutes.”

“Why?” Jongin asks before he takes a sip of his just-delivered lemonade. He slides across the booth to stand, but Jongdae puts a hand on his wrist and says, “Because I wanted to ask you a few things.”

Jongin nods and slowly slides to the middle of the booth so that he is directly across from Jongdae. “Okay. Why not just wait until Taemin is back?”

“Because Taemin is more intimidating,” Jongdae jokes, except not really because Taemin really is more intimidating. Jongdae snorts to himself that a high school graduate is intimidating yet his college professors that could ruin his educational success never could scare him with their typical anxiety-inducing exams.

Jongin actually laughs at that, a full howling laugh that attracts the glares of rich and posh people. However, Jongdae doesn’t care about their glares because seeing Jongin’s eyes crinkle in a genuine smile has to be the best thing he’s seen this entire week, including his parents’ proud faces at his graduation. “That’s funny that you say that, er- what is your name?” Jongin sheepishly smiles.

“I’m Kim Jongdae,” Jongdae says with a smile. He feels like he’s finally touched something that is making Jongin open up and be himself - not the tight-lipped, alert, somewhat defensive person he was just a few minutes ago.

“Okay, Jongdae-ssi,” Jongin says respectfully, and Jongdae tries to hide how surprised and touched he is, “what is it that you wanted to know?”

Sometimes Jongdae wishes he had a filter, but he supposes he wouldn’t be at dinner, learning about Jongin and Taemin’s lives if he did. With that logic, Jongdae unsubtly says, “You never told me where your parents were.”

At that, Jongin cackles, and Jongdae worries that his laughter is self-deprecating and sarcastic. What if his parents abandoned him, and that’s why he lives in the slums? What if they died? What if he has always been a street urchin until he found his current residence in the slums? It turns out that Jongdae is completely incorrect when Jongin adds, “Oh, that. Don’t look so worried! Our parents work very long hours, and we wouldn’t want to force them to attend a boring ceremony that lasts for an eternity just to see us.”

Jongdae instantly feels like an awful person for assuming the ultimate worst, and he shakes his head and frowns when Jongin laughs and asks, “What’d you expect?”

After taking a sip of his drink, Jongin looks at him, narrows his eyes, and says in a joking manner, “Why aren’t you writing this down like anybody else would?” Even as a joke, Jongdae still senses that Jongin is being very serious.

Jongdae tries to continue the humorous atmosphere surrounding them by saying, “I’m not like everyone else!” Jongdae evokes a laugh from Jongin, so he continues, “I don’t have a research paper.”

At his confession, he sees Jongin stop smiling, so Jongdae quickly adds, “I wanted to get to know you guys, but I didn’t know how.”

Jongin snorts, and Jongdae can’t tell if it’s in good-nature or hurt. “Don’t try to make yourself feel better - you’re still like everyone else. You lied, and everyone else is a liar.

“But I guess you’re not completely like everybody else,” Jongin adds offhandedly. “You had your prejudice, your stereotypes, your lies, and who knows what else.”

Jongin pauses and places his head in his palm before he continues, “Still,, I appreciate your honesty in the end. That’s what makes you different, I guess.” Jongin looks over at Jongdae and sees the other avoiding eye contact. Jongin sighs, and Jongdae looks up to see Jongin smiling back at him. “I know, you may be thinking why is a slum kid trying to school me or tell me how to live my life, but trust me: I think I know a whole lot about life. I’ll tell you about it; you tell me about sociology, or human geography, or whatever it is.”

Jongdae laughs, and Jongin tilts his head in confusion.

“It’s just,” Jongdae says between chuckles, “I honestly couldn’t tell you the difference between the two. I’m a business and pharmacology major.”

“Ah,” Jongin says with faux-interest, but the crinkles around his eyes show that he’s joking. “So, you can tell me all about how you’re going to take over daddy’s business and hopefully help out the poor slum kids along the way. In the mean time, let me tell you about what I know best.” Jongin finishes with a smirk just in time for Taemin to show up, waiting for Jongin to scoot over.

“Did I miss something?” Taemin narrows his eyes and looks back and forth between Jongdae and Jongin. Jongin shakes his head, laughs, and says, “No. We’re going to teach Jongdae-ssi about the difference in surviving and living. And then he’s going to bore us with pharmacy something and business.”

“Just what are you studying?” Taemin teases, and Jongdae sees the beginnings of a smile.

Over the next forty five minutes, Jongdae doesn’t say another word; he simply allows the two very intellectual boys in front of him describe their home experiences, their friends, what poverty is really like, and how all of that differs from the media’s portrayal. Jongdae finds himself nodding along, smiling at times, but mostly, he stares at the pair in amazement. Everything about them amazes Jongdae. That they have turned out so well against all odds. That they finish each other’s sentences, that they bicker like an old married couple. Most of all, that they completely invalidate his parents’ assumptions about the lower class and how they’re lazy, unmotivated, and get what they deserve. As Jongdae looks at the two best friends in front of him and truly comprehends their story, he sees that they are the exact opposite of that.

Eventually, all three stand up once they notice that all the other patrons have left the restaurant which appears to be closing soon. Jongdae hates that he has kept these two kids on their graduation night, but he hates that he doesn’t feel very guilty when he got to learn so much about a different way of life. Jongdae asks if they have some way to keep up with them, but they shake their heads with slight frowns on their faces.

Jongdae frowns as well, but he gets an idea. He opens his wallet and takes all of the leftover notes used to pay for their train snacks earlier, and seeing the pair narrow their eyes, Jongdae snorts, “You guys aren’t a charity case, I know.”

With the pen he signed the receipt with earlier, he writes his kakaotalk ID on the last bill in the pile and tries to hand them to them. When each one refuses to take the money, Jongdae sighs, “It isn’t charity money. I may have majored in business, but I’m not the asshole entrepreneur.”

Jongin and Taemin both laugh, but still neither takes the outstretched money.

“This is money so that you can get home safely. I don’t know how much there is, but if there is extra, put it towards your schooling. We may not be able to stay in contact, but in a few years, I want to see you guys on stage as the best dancers Korea has to offer. And when I do, I’ll tell my friends, ‘I had dinner with those two.’ And, it will be great, trust me,” Jongdae smiles broadly and grabs Jongin’s hand, opens it, then places the money in his hand.

Taemin looks over Jongin’s shoulder in a nonchalant manner despite the fact that he is curious about Jongdae’s money. When he looks at the top note, he tilts his head and says, “There’s a word on here.”

“Yeah,” Jongdae says and pockets his wallet. “If you ever use KKT, feel free to text me sometime. For anything, really. A place to stay, someone to hangout with, support for your first show. I’m there.”

“Really?” Taemin asks, and Jongdae thinks that this has to be the first time all night that Taemin’s guard is completely down.

“Really,” Jongdae smiles and then looks the pair over one last time. “I need to get back on the train, but you two be safe. I expect great things.”

Jongdae starts to walk towards the exit, but he is stopped by Jongin’s hand on his wrist.

“Wait,” Jongin whispers. To say that Jongdae is shocked is an understatement.

“Yeah?” Jongdae says with his smile still on his face. Jongin looks conflicted, but he eventually gives a ninety degree bow and whispers, “Thank you.”

Taemin laughs and jokes that Jongin suddenly looks red, causing Jongin to slap him. Jongdae chuckles and starts to walk away, until he hears Taemin say, “Thanks for dinner.” He pauses to look Jongdae in the eyes. “And for listening.”

Jongdae nods his head, beaming, and the three of them walk out of the restaurant together. The walk to the train station is relatively silent, and once they are there, Jongdae waves goodbye to the pair and boards his train.

As he sits down on his bunk and thinks about his day, he realizes that his parents were beyond a little wrong. Taemin and Jongin are completely different from their (and his) expectation of lower-class slum kids, inside and out.

-

Jongdae wakes up the following morning to a bang, someone yelling in a deep voice, and very loud laughter. He rubs his eyes and checks his watch for the time and seeing that it’s a few hours before noon, he gets out of bed. When Jongdae opens the door to his compartment, he sees the source of all the noise– two suit-clad men, who look about his age, moving their stuff into the compartment closest to his.

“Minho,” the shorter one whispers, “stop being so loud! We’ll wake people up.”

“Everyone should already be up; it’s 10:30,” Minho says without looking away from the luggage he’s shoving through the too-small door.

“Would you like some help?” Jongdae asks and takes a step closer. The shorter one gasps while the guy Jongdae assumes is Minho frowns at him.

“I’m so sorry. Did we wake you?” The shorter one asks and gives Jongdae a sheepish smile.

“No,” Jongdae lies and smiles. “I’m Jongdae.”

Minho waves in lieu of a greeting, and the shorter one laughs and says, “I’m Joonmyun. If you wouldn’t mind, please help my idiot husband who has been trying to slide this suitcase in for over five minutes.”

“It hasn’t been that long,” Minho mutters indignantly.

Jongdae nods and suggests that he rotate the Rimowa suitcase, which Minho swears he’s already done. Once Jongdae does it and manages to get it through the door, his mind finally processes what Joonmyun called Minho– husband.

Joonmyun welcomes Jongdae inside after berating Minho about his incapabilities. When Jongdae sits down across from the pair who are holding hands, Jongdae blurts out, “So you two are married?”

They look stunned at Jongdae’s audacity, but Joonmyun quickly recovers and asks with a calm yet threatening tone, “Yes. Is that a problem?”

“No, no!” Jongdae instantly insists and waves his hands in front of him. “No problem at all. I just-” Jongdae cuts himself off and changes topics. “How old are you guys?”

“We’ll both be thirty this year,” Minho answers.

“Oh, okay,” Jongdae nods and realizes that they are only one year older than him and already married. He hasn’t been in a relationship since he was an undergrad.

The three fall into typical small talk including questions about their alma mater, career paths, and where they live. Jongdae appreciates Joonmyun’s insight answers and Minho’s humor, but he can’t stop thinking about how Joonmyun said they were married. From the way Joonmyun looks at Minho as if he is the best thing since sliced bread, Jongdae wonders if this marriage is recent.

After Minho finishes his tale from his freshman year where his best friends Kyuhyun and Changmin left him at the train station, Jongdae says, “Okay, I’ve been wondering this whole time. How long have you guys been married? Is this like your honeymoon?”

The couple look at each other with obvious adoration in their eyes before Minho says, “No, we’ve been married for five years.”

“Five and a half years,” Joonmyun corrects with a smile.

“Oh,” Jongdae says with shock because wow they’ve been married for a while. “So what are you guys doing on this trip? Visiting your parents in the country?”

“Not quite,” Minho answers carefully and looks to Joonmyun as if he needs his permission to speak.

“Well then, what are you doing?” Jongdae asks with his bubbly, curious nature. When he sees their grim faces, his smile fades slightly.

Jongdae hears Minho whisper, “Should we tell him?” Joonmyun has a blank expression for a few seconds before barely nodding his head.

“We’re heading out of Seoul to visit an orphanage,” Minho says quietly as if he is worried a passerby will hear.

“Are there no orphanages in Seoul?” Jongdae furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “I imagine there must be.”

Joonmyun and Minho look at each other and then at Jongdae with pure bewilderment written on their faces. Jongdae doesn’t understand what is so confusing about his question, and he begins to reword it when Joonmyun hesitantly asks, “What don’t you get?”

“What do you mean? I’m so lost,” Jongdae admits while giving a sheepish smile.

Minho raises an eyebrow and says with a careful tone, “We can’t openly adopt in Seoul.”

“Why not?” Jongdae narrows his eyes unconsciously because that doesn’t make sense.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Joonmyun begins while gauging Jongdae’s reaction, “but have you lived under a rock your whole life?”

Jongdae is speechless because what do they mean? He looks at the two and feels so uncomfortable because they clearly know something he doesn’t. Jongdae never feels this way when he’s around his friends; he can tell you anything you need to know about medicine, business, and who knows what else. He doesn’t know this though, and it almost annoys him.

“He didn’t mean that in a rude way!” Minho says with a charismatic smile, but Jongdae is too self-critical to smile back.

“Just tell me whatever it is that I’m missing,” Jongdae says with an aggravated sigh.

Joonmyun looks at Jongdae with a sad smile and says, “We can’t legally adopt because we’re gay.” He pauses in thought and adds, “I mean, neither of our parents wanted us to adopt in the first place because, ‘Why should we raise someone else’s child?’” Joonmyun rolls his eyes in disgust and looks away so as to hide the welling of tears. Jongdae’s eyes widen and he shakes his head because how could that be true?

“Are you serious?” Jongdae asks doubtfully.

“Completely,” Joonmyun sighs, and Minho grabs his hand tightly. “Did you really not know that? I mean, how old are you? You look like you’ve graduated from university,” Joonmyun scoffs and discreetly wipes his eyes. Normally, Jongdae would be offended by Joonmyun’s standoffish manner, but he supposes in a grave situation like this, he should let it slide.

“To be fair,” Minho says in his attempt to bring peace, “it’s not really a topic people talk about openly. We can’t just assume people readily know about this.”

The pair in front of him continues with their banter while Jongdae sits back in his seat deep in thought. Joonmyun’s right; how did he not know that? Jongdae scolds himself because he had to hear something about it in his many years in university, didn’t he? How could he be this clueless about this?

Jongdae supposes he never heard of this because he never was in a situation where he would learn that. College supposedly is a time of experimenting and finding out who you really are, but Jongdae can’t remember really doing anything like that. He dated a pretty girl in his honors human communication class sophomore year, but that’s about it. Jongdae hardly felt any attraction towards her, emotionally or sexually, and he hasn’t felt that for anyone else. Although he realizes that a well-informed citizen should know about social issues, Jongdae never had to because he never had an exam over it. What was the point when it never truly applied to him?

Jongdae feels slightly dizzy from all the racing thoughts in his head, and once his mind clears, he asks, “So, what’s your plan? How will you be able to adopt in the country if you can’t adopt in the city?” Jongdae hopes his questions come across as pure curiosity rather than disdain.

When the pair look at each other and shrug their shoulders, Jongdae fears that the end of their conversation is approaching. However, Minho looks over at him and says, “Well, first off we’re out of the city and away from people who may report ‘something suspicious’ like letting us adopt. But, realistically, we’re hoping that one of us can legally adopt as a single parent.”

“What about-” Jongdae pauses to think of the word. He huffs in self-annoyance when he cannot remember, so he quickly types something into his phone. Once he sees the term, he blurts out, “Surrogate mothers! Would that not work for you guys?”

Joonmyun gives what Jongdae thinks is a considerate smile, but he shakes his head. “No. We considered that, but regardless of any of our plans, only one of us can be a child’s legal guardian.”

“Really?” Jongdae asks in pure frustration. “But why? I don’t get it!”

“What’s not to get?” Joonmyun asks in a self-deprecating manner.

Jongdae feels like screaming because it sounds like resignation in Joonmyun’s voice. “Everything! You guys have been married for five years and look so in love!”

Jongdae points to the luggage he helped Minho with earlier and says, “That’s a Rimowa suitcase! That’s expensive! I’d bet that you guys are wearing Prada suits - also expensive! You’re fully capable of taking care of a kid financially, and you look happily married, so they would have a great home.” Seeing their unresponsive faces, Jongdae mumbles, “I just don’t get it.”

Joonmyun pats Jongdae’s knee softly and sighs, “Neither do we, but that’s life, right?” Joonmyun looks over at Minho and says sweetly, “I’m going to order some food. Would you like any hot coco dear?”

Jongdae takes that as a cue that the couple wants their alone time, so with a promise from Joonmyun to stop by later, Jongdae leaves their compartment and enters his. As he sits on his bed and thinks over their conversation, Jongdae supposes Joonmyun is right yet again– that is life, but why does life have to be that way?

-

The following day, the train stops in Cheonan, and Jongdae steps off with his paper map in one hand and Siri in the other just in case. From his basic history knowledge, Jongdae knows that Cheonan has exceptional cultural infrastructure, including the Gagwonsa Buddhist temple. With that as his point of destination, Jongdae checks both of his maps before heading out into Cheonan. As he reads the map more closely, he realizes that the temple can only be reached by climbing a mountain, which makes Jongdae inwardly sigh because he isn’t wearing appropriate hiking shoes. Jongdae, in his neverending determination, buys a decent pair of hiking shoes from a local store before walking towards the mountain. Once he reaches the top, he sees the giant Buddha statue and quickly takes a selfie with it, sends it to his friends’ group chat, and then visits the temple.

Jongdae checks the time and sees that the train leaves in an hour. As Jongdae makes his way back onto the train with twenty minutes to spare, a group of what look to be college kids boards right after him. Jongdae doesn’t get a good glimpse of them, but he meets the gaze of one of the guys before he returns to his cabin.

A few hours pass with Jongdae trying to read a book, but he guesses that the group from earlier are in a cabin near his because he can hear very loud pop music, and he doubts that the grandma who replaced Joonmyun and Minho’s spot listens to 2NE1.

Jongdae stands up to ask them to turn down their music because it is nighttime and a little too late for CL’s new solo songs, but the music suddenly stops before he gets an opportunity. Jongdae hears an automated voice over the train’s speaker, saying that they are stopping in Daejeon until 1:00 PM tomorrow. He sees the group of people leaving their cabin, presumably to enjoy the stop in one of the country’s larger cities.

Jongdae steps out of his cabin as one of the stragglers of the group steps out of their cabin and closes the door. Jongdae sees that the guy is in a loose tank top with The Rolling Stones on the front, and Jongdae’s eyes drift to his nice thighs covered with ripped, tight, black skinny jeans. The man in front of him coughs, and when Jongdae looks up, the other is giving him a smirk through the pink, slightly frizzy bangs falling into his eyes, letting Jongdae know he is caught for checking him out. The man walks towards the exit without a single word, and Jongdae decides to wait for him to leave before exiting as well. Once the man gets to the door and sees that Jongdae is still standing by their cabins, the man smirks again and asks in what Jongdae perceives as a flirtatious tone (he could be wrong - Jongdae isn’t fluent in the language of attraction), “Are you coming or not?”

In any other situation, Jongdae would never take up a stranger’s offer because where exactly are they going? However, Jongdae muses that he has nothing better to do seeing as he was just hardly reading a rather boring book, so he follows the man towards the exit and out of the train.

As they walk down a street of Daejeon, Jongdae looks over at the other and notices his face illuminates perfectly due to the fluorescent lighting from the city’s signs and billboards. The man must notice Jongdae’s eyes on him because he sees a wry smile and hears him chuckle, “Stop staring.” Jongdae can’t tell if the other is still flirty or if he’s slightly annoyed.

“I didn’t realize I was,” Jongdae answers jokingly. Jongdae snorts when the other rolls his eyes and turns his head so that he is directly looking at Jongdae. Jongdae stops walking and looks right back at him.

“I’m Jongdae,” Jongdae introduces, realizing that maybe this conversation would proceed if they actually know each other’s names.

The other simply nods his head and steps forward so as to silently say that he’s ready to continue walking. Jongdae decides he isn’t going anywhere until he knows his name. “That was a cue for you to tell me your name.”

“Oh,” He says with his voice dripping with sarcasm, but there is a hint of smile. “I didn’t know.”

“Look,” Jongdae laughs to prevent himself from retorting with even more sarcasm, “I don’t know why you asked me, ‘Are you coming or not,’ if you’re going to give me such unhelpful responses. Why am I even here again?”

He simply raises an eyebrow and snorts, “I don’t know why are you here” but seeing Jongdae’s unimpressed glare and crossed arms, the other snickers under his breath, keeps his eyes downcast, and roughly adjusts his tanktop as a distraction. “I’m Baekhyun. Happy now?”

Jongdae nods his head and takes the first step forward. Baekhyun follows and eventually steps in front of him so that he is leading the way to wherever they’re going. Jongdae can tell it’s going to be quite a night.

-

When Baekhyun leads them to a densely-packed bistro, Jongdae is even more confused by the other than he was earlier. With Baekhyun’s attire and flirty attitude, Jongdae expects him to exit with a coy just kidding! and then lead them to a club. When Jongdae opens his mouth to voice his confusion, Baekhyun is already moving towards a table, so Jongdae cuts himself off and sits across him.

The first complete sentence Baekhyun says to him happens after five minutes of tense silence in which a waitress took their drink orders. Baekhyun sets his menu down, looks at Jongdae, and asks, “So have you ever been to Daejeon?”

Jongdae’s eyes widen at Baekhyun’s smooth, more relaxed voice along with the question itself, but at the latter’s pointed stare, Jongdae tries to control the amount of shock in his expression.

“A few times as a kid,” Jongdae says while looking at the menu. The waitress returns, asking for their food orders, and Baekhyun and Jongdae both quickly recite something from the menu before handing them to her.

Baekhyun nods his head and turns around to look out the windows. Jongdae wonders what Baekhyun is looking for, and he starts to ask him until he hears Baekhyun mumble, “I’ve had a few jobs here.”

Thinking that’s a good lead into conversation, Jongdae smiles and asks, “Oh yeah? What did you do here?”

“Probably nothing that would excite a rich kid like you,” Baekhyun snorts and finally turns around to give Jongdae a once-over. Never has Jongdae felt so scrutinized about his clothing choice. One sentence from this person he doesn’t even know makes Jongdae want to burn his Hiltl chinos and Ralph Lauren sweater, never to wear again. He really likes this sweater too.

Jongdae attempts to ignore the little offended voice in his head by saying, “I doubt that, and besides I’m not that rich. These were graduation gifts.”

He doesn’t know why he wants to downplay how wealthy he and his parents are, but for some reason, he feels that this conversation with Baekhyun isn’t going to go well if he doesn’t. And, he remembers how Taemin and Jongin treated him when they saw that he was rich: that his dad is some rich CEO, and that he’ll inevitably go to work for him. It’s not that most of their assumptions aren’t true; Jongdae realizes that he’s pretty much the cookie-cutter product of the typical rich parents. It is all true, but as Jongdae has been on this trip, he’s learned a lot about life, which in his opinion, separates him from the mold. He isn’t just a rich, successful son; he wants people to notice that, and if it takes downplaying a significant part of his life to do so, well Jongdae is up for the challenge.

Baekhyun nods his head again and smirks ever so slightly. “What type of people are giving you clothes like that for graduation?”

“Distant aunts and uncles who I haven’t seen in years and probably wouldn’t know I exist if I hadn’t sent a graduation announcement,” Jongdae says in a self-deprecating tone. That’s not a lie either; he did receive those chinos from an aunt he hasn’t seen since he was six.

Baekhyun laughs, actually laughs, and Jongdae smiles broadly that it isn’t one of Baekhyun’s quiet, under-his-breath chuckles. Jongdae feels himself staring at the way Baekhyun’s lips stretch when he laughs without restraint, but before he can get caught for staring again, he says in faux-accusation, “You avoided the question!”

"What question?" Baekhyun smiles with his eyes downcast as he stirs the straw in his water. Jongdae inwardly snorts at what he assumes are Baekhyun’s attempts to be mysterious.

"You know what."

Baekhyun glances at Jongdae and gives him an unreadable expression. "Why do you want to know about my odd jobs?"

"Curiosity," Jongdae says with a hopeful tone.

Baekhyun sighs under his breath, but Jongdae still sees the remnants of a smile. "It really isn't anything exciting. I was a nanny for a while for some rich family's spoiled brats. I pumped gas on the side. Nothing like working in some major corporation, making the big bucks." Baekhyun smirks and stares at Jongdae knowingly, as if he was there when Jongdae was offered a job. Jongdae swallows nervously.

Thankfully, the tension Jongdae feels evaporates when the waitress delivers their food with a gentle smile. Baekhyun nods his head in thanks and begins to eat as soon as she walks away.

"So, Jongdae," Baekhyun asks when the waitress arrives to give him another draught beer, "where are you going on this trip?"

"I'm riding the line all the way to Busan, then I'm riding back to Seoul." Jongdae answers once he finishes chewing the food in his mouth. "And you?"

"Me?" Baekhyun repeats dramatically and looks pensively out the window- that is until he hears Jongdae snort, causing Baekhyun to erupt in very loud laughter. "Me, I’m riding it wherever it will take me."

Baekhyun puts his utensils down and looks at Jongdae for the first time all night with what Jongdae thinks is genuine interest. "Why ride to Busan and back?"

Jongdae considers asking why ride to wherever it takes you?, but Jongdae really wants to answer Baekhyun’s question before the latter’s interest in him diminishes. "I wanted to learn, to understand, you know."

“Learn what?” Baekhyun simpers and picks up his utensils again, interest assumingly lost.

“I don’t know,” Jongdae automatically says and berates himself for giving such a mediocre, boring answer. “I want to understand the world.”

“Very generic,” Baekhyun smirks and picks at his food.

“I guess,” Jongdae huffs and doesn’t look up from his rice. “I’ve come to realize in the last few days that maybe my life was kinda not in touch with everything-”

“I’d say, especially since you were wearing Valentino in Cheonan,” Baekhyun interrupts snidely.

“So that maybe I didn’t really see what the world is like,” Jongdae finishes, ignoring Baekhyun’s interruption. However, once he comprehends Baekhyun’s statement, Jongdae narrows his eyes and asks, “How did you know I was wearing a Valentino jacket?”

Baekhyun ignores his question and hums and noncommittal, “I see.” He rests his head in his palm and stares at his other hand’s nails when he asks, “So have you learned anything? Understood more of this world?”

“I think so,” Jongdae nods with a smile forming at Baekhyun’s continued interest. “I talked with two kids from a Seoul slum and also a gay couple, and I don’t know. I feel more aware now.”

“Oh, so is that it?” Baekhyun sneers and places his entire attention on Jongdae, meal, nails and any other distraction completely forgotten. Earlier, Jongdae is sure this is what he wanted, but now that Baekhyun is glaring unnervingly at him, he realizes that he’d much rather only have the previous forty percent of Baekhyun’s attention. “You want to listen to people’s stories and romanticize them so that you can tell all of your equally rich friends back home how ‘enlightening and inspiring’ other, less fortunate people are. I get it,” Baekhyun sarcastically chuckles, “no need to say anymore.”

Jongdae imagines that he looks like a fish out of water with his shocked state and lack of response. Even if he doesn’t look like one, Jongdae definitely feels like one. Baekhyun is staring at him expectantly, waiting for his supposed enlightened response that will probably make Baekhyun scoff even more at him and Jongdae realizes that he obviously has so much more to learn about people, because what was he thinking? He’ll “learn” about the world so easily and then have this missing puzzle piece of experience to complete his jigsaw puzzle of life?

“That’s not what I’m planning to do,” Jongdae mumbles, and he can feel Baekhyun’s snubbing from the way he looks to the side and rolls his eyes. “I know you probably think I fall into the cookie-cutter mold of rich kids trying to have an adventure - an experience, rather,” Jongdae looks up at Baekhyun and sees that he at least appears to be paying attention, “and I don’t have anything to change your mind. I want to understand people, and yeah I get it that I’ll never really understand two slum kids because my family spoiled me, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to understand them, and somehow help them. At least someone is trying, because they were right: no politician is.”

Jongdae sighs and plays with his fingers in his lap. “I don’t understand a lot of things,” Jongdae pauses and searches his mind for the right words to say, “but I understand that sometimes people just need someone who wants to listen. I’m not enlightened or more grateful for what I have. I’m not trying to romanticize; I’m trying to understand.” Jongdae finishes so quietly that he notices Baekhyun leans closer to hear his last words.

Baekhyun nods his head, hums, and then picks up his utensils to eat. Jongdae slumps into his chair because he finally found the words to explain himself for taking this trip, and the person who heard it doesn’t even care, doesn’t take him seriously. Jongdae assumes the conversation is over and goes back to picking at his food; when he hears Baekhyun’s voice a minute later, Jongdae nearly jumps in surprise.

“All of that, just to understand.” Baekhyun doesn’t say it in his earlier, menacing, mocking tone, but rather in a conceding manner.

Jongdae quickly tries to change the subject by asking, “Why are you riding the train to wherever it takes you?”

Baekhyun laughs and reaches across the table to gently, amicably slap Jongdae on the arm. “I’m just now accepting this ‘understanding’ bogus you said. Don’t push your luck by making me think you want to romanticize my story as well.”

Baekhyun then turns to their food, and seeing that both of them are mostly finished, asks the waitress for their checks.

As Jongdae looks at the man in front of him with his pretty, kohl-lined eyes, tight-fit clothing, ever-present smirk, and slightly mysterious aura, Jongdae doubts that he could ever dream to understand him, especially in just one night at a mediocre bistro in Daejeon.

-

The next morning, Jongdae leaves his cabin rather early so that he can experience Daejeon by himself, early enough for him to see the sun rise in one of Daejeon’s beautiful parks. As he always went with his parents, typically for business, Jongdae doesn’t know what to expect from the large city. However, after he leaves the park only to visit the Daejeon Zoo and enjoy all the attractions as if he was seven years old again.

With more than three hours to spare before he needs to board the train, Jongdae searches Naver for other attractions to do in the city and decides on eating an early lunch. After Jongdae rides a bus across town and walks down the street to the restaurant, he sees a rather vibrant-looking noraebang that draws his attention away from his empty stomach. Jongdae stops walking and considers his current options: he can eat lunch in another ritzy restaurant, or he can sing a few songs at the noraebang, send his friends a KKT video to show that he’s having a good time, and grab a quick bite to eat - all in the same place. With his decision in mind, Jongdae walks into the noraebang with a large smile on his face. An employee escorts him to a room, and as soon as he has the remote, Jongdae begins his session with Girls’ Generation’s “Gee.”

As one song fades into another, Jongdae looks out of his door’s window to see someone sitting outside the room across from his with their head down between their raised legs. Jongdae pauses the upcoming song as he takes in the site; the room behind the person has light beams moving around the room, and from the looks of it, the group that is in the room is having a good time. Why is this person sitting outside alone?

Jongdae tries to ignore the stranger outside by returning to his karaoke session, but he doesn’t get far into the song before he sighs aloud and pauses the game. He’s reaching to open his door before he even realizes it, and when he puts his hand on the handle, he pauses. Before this trip, Jongdae doubts he would have ever checked on a random stranger at a noraebang - not because he’s rude, but because that wouldn’t normally concern him; it’s not his problem. However, since he’s been on this trip, he wants to listen, learn, and understand - just like he explained to Baekhyun the night before. What he’s going to learn or understand from this experience, Jongdae doesn’t know, but he pushes the door open before he can reconsider this decision.

Jongdae walks the few steps so that he is directly in front of the person. Seeing that the latter doesn’t notice him, Jongdae crouches down and whispers, “Are you alright?”

The person quickly looks up in shock, and Jongdae sees a teenage boy with swollen eyes surrounded by redness and puffy, overly-bitten lips. Jongdae’s breath catches at the sight of the crying boy, but before he can say anything else, the boy wipes his eyes and mumbles, “I’m fine,” before attempting to stand up. Jongdae isn’t wasting his noraebang time for nothing, so he quickly responds, “Are you really? You’re crying.”

The boy clicks his tongue in annoyance, but Jongdae sees more water falling from his eyes. Jongdae notices a slight resistance in the boy’s attempt to leave, so Jongdae takes the opportunity to ask, “What’s your name?”

“Zitao,” he says while looking away from Jongdae.

“How old are you?” Jongdae quickly asks, hoping the questions will slow down the boy’s departure.

“Eighteen,” Zitao answers and shuffles so that he is sitting cross-legged. Jongdae takes his more relaxed position as welcoming of the conversation, so Jongdae smiles broadly at the boy.

“Okay then,” Jongdae asks as he copies the latter’s sitting position, “Why are you at a noraebang at 11 in the morning during the week?”

“We came to celebrate,” Zitao mumbles, still avoiding eye contact with Jongdae.

“We?” Jongdae questions and moves his gaze from Zitao to the people in the room behind them.

“My friends.”

“Friends,” Jongdae sighs and raises his eyebrows at the room of people either unaware or uncaring of their friend’s distress. “What are you celebrating?”

“What are they celebrating,” Zitao corrects with pure annoyance and brings his knees to his chest again. He wraps his arms around his knees and puts his chin on top of them. “They’re celebrating good test scores.”

From the way Zitao nearly spits his previous sentence in anger, Jongdae assumes this is a touchy subject for him. He stays silent for a few seconds, trying his best not to simply ask a question without any tact or consideration towards his feelings. “Why is it only them celebrating?”

“Isn’t it obvious,” Zitao snorts self-critically. “I didn’t do well.”

Jongdae really wishes he could help the kid in front of him, but he finds that he doesn’t have the right words to say. He always did well in standardized testing, evidenced by his class standing at one of the major three universities in Korea. He never worried about tests that at the time seem like they determine your whole future. With that thought, Jongdae gently says, “Test scores don’t determine everything. You can still get into college and continue to do well as long as you study and try hard.”

“But I already study and try hard!” Zitao whines and runs a hand through his hair. “I really do! My friends say I’m smart! I mean, I’m not from here, so I had to learn Korean to even study here, and that was difficult enough. But I know the material, really! I just,” Zitao sighs loudly and says resignedly, “I don’t test well. And all my friends do.”

Jongdae blinks a few times at all the information processing through his brain because wow, that was a lot at once. “What test was it? Is there any way you can retake it?”

Zitao clears his throat and rolls off some test name that Jongdae has never heard before, making him wonder how difficult high school is now that he hasn’t attended for nearly a decade. Zitao rambles about that test and how it coincided during this other testing period. Jongdae almost loses focus of the point of his quick, hard to understand rambling if not for the sniffles following every sentence. Jongdae offers a few uplifting, optimistic words, assuring Zitao that he will do fine in the future, and that this is only one test. Zitao continues to shake his head and mumble self-disparaging phrases to himself.

Jongdae begins to respond until he is interrupted by presumably one of Zitao's friends stepping out of their noraebang. The teenager seems to not notice Jongdae's existence when he gently says, "Tao, I thought you were going to the bathroom! We got worried so I came to look for you."

Zitao's friend gasps softly, and Jongdae assumes he sees Zitao's tear tracks and swollen eyes. The boy sees Jongdae out of his peripheral and pays him no attention as he continues to worry over Zitao. He squats down beside Zitao and reaches for his hand which the latter willingly gives.

A few seconds of silence pass until the boy accuses, "What did you do to him?" without taking his concerned gaze off of Zitao.

Jongdae narrows his eyes and unconsciously opens his mouth in shock because what did he do to him? Before Jongdae can retort with a sarcastic comment, Zitao says, "Sehun, he was helping me."

Sehun huffs quietly so as to show his distaste with Jongdae helping him. He mirrors Zitao's sitting position and wraps an arm around the boy. When Jongdae sees Zitao leaning into Sehun's touch, Jongdae assumes Sehun is taking over the job of caring for his upset friend. Jongdae stands up and wipes his jeans of any dirt from the floor. He gives a small wave before backing away towards his noraebang when he hears a faint, "Thank you."

Jongdae looks back at the pair and smiles. As he opens the door to his room, he says a quick, "Fighting!" in Zitao’s direction.

Jongdae returns to his noraebang session, singing a few ballads from his favorite dramas, filming an awful performance for his friends, and ordering some quick snacks. All too soon, Jongdae's session comes to an end, so he goes to the front counter and pays before heading back to the train.

When Jongdae boards the train a few minutes before it leaves for the next city, he avoids looking at Baekhyun’s cabin. As he sits down on his bed and prepares for a nap, he realizes that he is good at listening to people’s stories and offering small bits of encouragement - he doesn’t have to see those people for some unknowingly long time, unlike Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s story is still continuing, and Jongdae is seeing it first hand. This very fact scares him into avoidance because he realizes that he lacks any words for a person who is prepared to ride a train and life wherever it takes him, especially when that person isn’t willing to offer an explanation or accept his help. Or maybe, Jongdae realizes in deep thought, maybe he shouldn’t be trying to offer help to someone who clearly thinks he doesn’t need it.

-

Jongdae wakes up from his nap as the automated voice tells the train where it is stopped; in his still sleepy stupor, Jongdae doesn’t catch the name of the city. Jongdae lazily puts on some clothes and takes his precious time in preparing himself to leave, partly because he really is still sleepy, partly because he wants to avoid another mysterious, unpredictable night with Baekhyun.

As Jongdae slips on his shoes, he sees Baekhyun and his two friends leaving the train. He thinks he sees Baekhyun look back at Jongdae’s cabin expectantly, but once Jongdae’s head clears from its drowsy state, he supposes Baekhyun looked back at his own cabin, ensuring that he closed the door or something more logical than looking for Jongdae.

Jongdae steps off the train and wanders out of the train station with no sense of direction. He pulls out his phone to find something to do in this town, but with a quicker Naver search, he realizes that there is hardly anything exciting to do or see. Deciding on a bar with decent reviews, Jongdae walks a block and a half to his destination. Upon walking in, Jongdae sees a tacky arrangement of furniture that isn’t pleasing for the eyes at all, jarring reds next to neon purples. Jongdae ignores the poorly done interior design and sits at the bar. Jongdae calls over the bartender to order what looks to be the most expensive liquor in this place. Once he receives his drink, he looks past a few booths along the side of the building and sees Baekhyun along with his two friends. Jongdae watches Baekhyun’s lips form into a smile, and he assumes he is laughing from the way his eyes crinkle and his hand hits his taller friend. Jongdae takes a drink and looks away.

Jongdae pulls out his phone to pass the time because he would rather be in this tacky bar alone than on the train alone. Just as he reaches for the bartender’s attention, Jongdae sees in his peripheral Baekhyun standing up. Jongdae quickly turns his head in time to see Baekhyun walking out the door without his two friends, who are now cuddling each other in the booth. Leaving a hefty tip next to his empty glass, Jongdae walks out of the bar and sees Baekhyun turning down another street. Jongdae starts to question why he decided to follow this person who he barely knows, but as they walk in the opposite direction of the train station, Jongdae is glad that he did. No one should be out this late by themselves in a town they may not know.

Jongdae is a few meters behind Baekhyun because the latter got an early start and Jongdae doesn’t feel like speed walking to catch up with him. Jongdae accidentally steps on a tree branch, and the resulting noise has Jongdae cringing from the breaching of near silence. Jongdae sees Baekhyun’s body still.

"Haven't you learned not to follow people?" Baekhyun asks without turning around, but he doesn’t move so that Jongdae can catch up. Jongdae jogs a few steps until he is beside Baekhyun, who then begins walking again.

“Where are we going?” Jongdae asks while staring at the nearest street sign. He nearly trips over something on the sidewalk and automatically blames it on his clumsiness rather than the potential effect of alcohol.

“You should be going back to the train station,” Baekhyun says with the driest tone Jongdae’s ever heard. However, once he sees that Jongdae isn’t going to leave, Baekhyun sighs, “There’s a lake around here.”

Jongdae simply nods and maintains the relatively comfortable silence between them. Every few minutes Baekhyun nudges him when it’s time to make a turn because Jongdae isn’t paying attention to the sidewalk, but no other form of communication is made.

A few minutes later, Baekhyun leads them into a park, down a sidewalk, and finally beside a large lake. Baekhyun sits on the grass in front of the lake, and Jongdae copies his position beside him. The moon is reflected perfectly on the calm lake, and Jongdae finds himself smiling at the serene nature of it all. Jongdae looks over at Baekhyun and sees that he is staring at the moon, expression blank as per usual. Baekhyun, upon noticing Jongdae’s stare, suddenly looks over at the other and asks in a shy, quiet voice Jongdae hasn’t heard from him before, “Why did you follow me?”

Jongdae sees Baekhyun quickly avert his eyes back to the moon, so Jongdae says in an equally quiet voice, “No one should be alone at night, and what if you didn’t know where you were going?”

“But I did,” Baekhyun says curtly.

“I didn’t know that,” Jongdae reasons and stares straight ahead at the lake. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe since your friends didn’t put any effort to make sure you were.”

“Are you sure you didn’t want to save me?” Baekhyun mocks and rolls his eyes. “I don’t need saving, thanks.”

“I know you don’t,” Jongdae agrees and smirks a little at Baekhyun’s failed attempt to hide his surprise at Jongdae’s statement. “You’re your own person who doesn’t need anyone to help you. I get it. I don’t need any help either, but I still appreciate some company so I don’t have to stare at the moon pensively by myself.”

Jongdae knocks his elbow against Baekhyun’s playfully, and he sees Baekhyun’s lips curving into a smile. He opens his mouth to retort, and Jongdae watches his face contour as he thinks of the words to say. Finally, Baekhyun sighs and pulls his knees into his chest, effectively allowing the conversation to fall flat.

Jongdae tries to find the courage to ask why Baekhyun wanted to come to this lake in the first place, but he is afraid of the latter accusing him of trying to romanticize his story or something of the sort. The longer they continue to sit there in silence, the more Jongdae shivers from the contrast between the cold air and his rather warm body. He begins to wonder if the small amount of alcohol from earlier really had an effect on him.

Finally, Jongdae blurts out, “Why did you want to come to this lake anyway?”

Jongdae sees Baekhyun raise an eyebrow and glance at him briefly before mumbling, "For a prim and proper rich boy, you certainly say anything that comes to mind, don't you?"

Jongdae laughs, too loudly from the way Baekhyun cringes. "Yes, in fact I do. My parents really hate that about me too."

Baekhyun’s nose crinkles in disgust, and Jongdae starts to ask what was wrong with his statement until he realizes that Baekhyun is avoiding his question. Even through his slightly inebriated mind, he realizes that Baekhyun is very good at avoiding questions. “You avoided my question again.”

“Did I?” Baekhyun chuckles softly but sees that Jongdae is staring at him expectantly. Baekhyun lets go of his knees and stretches his legs out in front of him before saying, “My best friends are dating, and sometimes they are just too much, and then they don’t realize I’m there.” Baekhyun chuckles some more and subtlety looks over at Jongdae. “So I tend to leave, and this is one of the few places to go in this town.”

Jongdae nods and wraps his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder. Baekhyun looks shocked and maybe a little disgruntled, but he doesn’t move Jongdae’s arm away. “That would suck if my best friends were so lovey-dovey.”

“Yes,” Baekhyun agrees and discreetly leans into Jongdae’s side embrace, “but it’s only bad on the surface. Deep down, I’m really excited that they love each other so much. You just have to know Kyungsoo and Chanyeol because at first I was surprised they remained friends without Kyungsoo killing Chanyeol after one too many accidents involving spilling food in Kyungsoo’s car. But, after they got to know each other, I somehow knew they’d get together. I can suffer a few ignored days while they’re in their honeymoon phase because I’m just really happy for them.” Baekhyun finishes his rambling about his friends and smiles at sweetly.

“There you go,” Baekhyun coos in good nature, “a little lesson on life for you. What seems bad at first may not be so bad afterall.”

Jongdae hums in acknowledgement and agreement as he lays his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder. Jongdae can’t help that he’s just maybe a bit clingy, and Baekhyun hasn’t pushed him away yet thankfully.

Silence settles between them again, and Jongdae tries to prevent the smirk appearing from Baekhyun leaning even more into his embrace. Jongdae nods and hums to Baekhyun’s quiet mumbles about the stars and what basic knowledge he knows from a freshman astronomy class. Jongdae’s eyes crinkle with excitement at the newfound knowledge of what exists in the sky because he could never take an astronomy class in college, and also because Baekhyun looks so alive and vibrant compared to his earlier self who ended conversations abruptly and awkwardly.

As Jongdae drunkenly nuzzles his face into Baekhyun’s neck, Jongdae accidentally kisses his collarbone. Jongdae feels Baekhyun suddenly shift his head to look down at him.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun asks with a worried glance that contradicts his growing smirk.

“I-” Jongdae breaks off, “what do you call this?”

“Oh god,” Baekhyun says after brief eye contact with Jongdae, causing him to frown slightly, “you’re telling me I’m dealing with some rich kid who’s trying to learn about the world, and part of that is by experimenting? Aren’t you too old for this?”

“Too old for what?” Jongdae slurs and laughs at Baekhyun’s partially worried, mostly blank stare.

“Too old to be getting drunk after barely any alcohol,” Baekhyun simpers and nudges Jongdae to put some distance between them.

“I’m not drunk,” Jongdae affirms, mostly to himself.

Baekhyun sighs loudly, stands up, and offers Jongdae a hand. He chuckles a bit at Jongdae’s clumsiness when he attempts to stand. “Yes, you are. What did you have? Two drinks?”

“Three!” Jongdae says too loudly as he grabs Baekhyun’s hand. It’s warm and Jongdae, even in his impaired state, feels nervous that his hand is too sweaty and that Baekhyun won’t want to hold it for longer than necessary. His anxiety calms down when Baekhyun escorts him out of the park with their hands still intertwined.

Soon enough, Jongdae finds himself melting into his cabin’s bed without a single thought as to how he got there. However, once he wakes up a few hours later and feels the pounding signs of a hangover, he finally is aware enough to question how he is in his cabin, covered by a blanket, and surrounded by the semi-familiar scent of Baekhyun’s cologne.

-

Jongdae completely rouses by noon and takes dose of pain medication to alleviate his throbbing headache. He cleans himself up by changing out of last night’s clothes, brushing his teeth, and running a hand through his unkempt hair before he exits his cabin - to do what, he’s not entirely sure. He could talk to the grandma the next cabin over, he supposes, or he could talk to Baekhyun while conveniently forgetting anything and everything from last night. However, he doesn’t have much of a choice when Baekhyun opens his door and sees Jongdae standing outside of his own, eyes locked on Baekhyun’s previously closed door. Baekhyun smiles and asks surprisingly without any mockery, “Feel alright?”

Jongdae nods and ignores Baekhyun’s questioning gaze. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Baekhyun stares at him for a few seconds with his typical blank expression before his eyes crinkle with a smile as he says, “Good, because a new person is in the cabin next to mine, and you’re coming with me to meet him.”

Jongdae has a lot of questions he wants to ask like, Why not take your friends? What did I do last night to make you look at me like that? Instead, Jongdae snorts, “Did the really greasy, doesn’t-take-a-shower guy finally leave?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun says melodramatically, “I thought I was gonna die from only two seconds of his armpit stench.” He walks over to the next cabin’s door and knocks five times in a complex rhythm that makes Jongdae laugh. It only takes a few seconds for the tenant to open his door and peek his head out. His eyes bulge in surprise and he quietly says, “Hello?”

“Hi,” Baekhyun greets with a smile. He drags Jongdae by the wrist to stand beside him; Jongdae turns his head to prevent Baekhyun from seeing his smile. “I’m Baekhyun, and this is Jongdae. We came by to say hello.”

The other nods his head and opens his door, silently telling them to follow him into his quarters. “I’m Yixing,” he announces once Baekhyun and Jongdae sit across from him.

“What time did you get in?” Baekhyun asks when he props one of his feet on the seat. “I heard some movement earlier, but I fell back asleep before I could recognize what was happening.”

“It wasn’t too long ago,” Yixing says in a stilted accent, hesitating between words as if he is searching for the correct sequence to make a proper sentence. “Maybe three hours.”

Baekhyun nods and averts his attention to his fingernails, canceling his involvement in the conversation. Jongdae gives Baekhyun a side glance because it was his idea to come here in the first place. However, once he sees Baekhyun downcast his eyes and nervously bite his nails, he realizes that Baekhyun isn’t ending the conversation because he isn’t interested - he’s ending it because he doesn’t know what to say. Jongdae is sure that last night he met this Baekhyun, the one so drastically different from the cocky, self-assured Baekhyun from their first encounter.

Thankfully for them, Yixing continues the conversation as if he doesn’t notice Baekhyun’s supposed lack of interest and Jongdae’s nonexistent attempt at speaking. “I bet you heard where I banged my guitar against the door. It was pretty dark in the hallway, and I haven’t had enough coffee, and really it’s just very early,” Yixing rambles on in a jokingly annoyed manner.

“You play guitar?” Baekhyun says excitedly and looks away from his nails. Jongdae looks over at him and sees something bright in his eyes, similar to when he was talking about his friends the previous night.

“Yes,” Yixing hums and points to his guitar in the far corner of his cabin. “For years. It’s why I’m in Korea, in fact.”

“Yeah?” Jongdae asks, finally finding a way to contribute to the conversation. “Where are you from?”

“China,” Yixing says happily, if not longingly, and looks to his window.

Baekhyun, trying to keep the mood lively, asks, “Why don't you play us a song?”

Yixing grins broadly and nods his head. “Sure, I can do that.”

Yixing gets up and takes his guitar out of its case that is covered in colorful stickers; Jongdae doesn’t know much about guitars, but he’s assuming Yixing’s guitar is very nice from the shiny finish of the wood and the gentle manner with which Yixing is carrying it. He sits down again and strums and open chord, and Jongdae realizes Yixing is tuning the guitar before he plays.

Yixing sings the song, as expected, in Mandarin; Jongdae understand a few words here and there from his years of Mandarin in college. However, as Yixing sings with his eyes closed and his head titled to the ceiling, Jongdae thinks he doesn't need to comprehend the words to understand the gravity and emotion of Yixing’s song. His voice is light but carries a certain power around the unknown syllables, and Jongdae finds himself smiling along to Yixing’s upbeat, yet still heartfelt song.

Once he finishes singing, Yixing looks bashful by avoiding their stunned gazes, causing Baekhyun to joke, “Don’t go all shy on us now! That was great!”

Jongdae nods, and his smile still hasn’t faded. “Did you write it yourself?”

Yixing mumbles a quiet, “Yes,” while moving to put up his guitar. Baekhyun stops him with a hand on his arm. Yixing looks at Baekhyun with confused, but still bright eyes, and Baekhyun asks, “Do you know any popular Korean songs?”

Yixing turns his head to the side in thought but sits back down without repacking his guitar. “I know a few chord progressions, but not really any lyrics.”

“Oh yeah?” Baekhyun asks and sits on the edge of his seat, assumingly excited. “Like what?”

“I really like the instrumental to Standing Egg’s ‘Because You’re Pretty,’” Yixing says while fiddling with something on his guitar. Jongdae looks over at Baekhyun and notices the way his eyes light up at Yixing’s words. Seeing their mutual excitement, Jongdae wishes he knew the song they’re talking about.

“My friend Chanyeol used to play that all the time!” Baekhyun says and nearly squirms with energy. Jongdae can’t prevent his eyes glancing over at him every few seconds in order to commit this moment to his infinite mental files of Baekhyun’s interesting personality. Never has he seen Baekhyun quite so jittery, and he doesn’t think he would have ever expected this.

“Oh yeah?” Yixing repeats Baekhyun words from earlier and plucks the first few notes of the song. Baekhyun giggles in delight and bounces in his seat until he opens his mouth and sings the lyrics. Yixing nearly messes up in surprise, but he looks up at Baekhyun and smiles before focusing on his music. Jongdae, on the other hand, is convinced he has forgotten how to breathe because of the smooth, yet rough way Baekhyun sings this song he’s never heard. Baekhyun sings with his eyes open and his shoulders relaxed; he claps his hands along with the beat Yixing pounds on his guitar. The words flow off his tongue with ease, as if he has done this many times before. When Jongdae’s brain starts catching up with the present, he wonders if Baekhyun meant that both he and Chanyeol played this song before. Jongdae thinks that he’s such a natural at performing that he wouldn’t be surprised if he’s sang like this before.

Baekhyun is overflowing with charisma despite the fact that he’s only singing words to an indie song while nodding his head slightly to the beat. Jongdae is sure he looks absolutely ridiculous with his unwavering stare and probably still opened mouth, all due to the continued surprise of Baekhyun’s musical talent.

Baekhyun changes his relaxed, composed manner when he sings the recurring lyrics, “I’ll save it a little longer and tell you. I’ll hide it a little longer and show you,” by returning Jongdae’s stare and smirking at him as if he can read Jongdae like an open book, which Jongdae supposes is probably very true. Jongdae quickly blushes and looks from Baekhyun’s eyes to his lips perfectly enunciating the words, and he realizes that that isn’t any better because Baekhyun laughs as he sings the next lyric.

Finally, the song ends with a complicated looking guitar feature from Yixing, making Baekhyun giggle again. Jongdae smiles and takes his eyes off of Baekhyun, preferring to stare at his shoes embarrassingly, since his mind has finally comprehended the fact that Baekhyun caught him staring so many times during his performance. Baekhyun claps once Yixing lifts his head and laughs, and Jongdae joins in, lifting his eyes to see Yixing packing up his guitar. Jongdae hears Baekhyun and Yixing continuing with small talk, but he’s still stuck in his own mind that he can’t find himself to say anything even as he feels Baekhyun rubbing his hand up and down his arm. Jongdae turns his head so quickly that he briefly considers the possibility of whiplash, only to see Baekhyun looking straight ahead at Yixing.

Jongdae doesn’t know why Baekhyun is suddenly so touchy-feely, though he can’t say he minds, especially because Baekhyun has to have the softest, most well-kept hands he’s ever seen. (Not that he’s stared at anyone’s hands. Baekhyun’s just happen to be very nice.)

Baekhyun shifts when he feels his phone vibrate in his pants, and he removes his hand from Jongdae’s arm to read and reply to the message. After pocketing his phone, Baekhyun stands up, stretches, then says, “My friends said that I need to come back, in all caps. That can only mean a few things, and I bet it includes Chanyeol fucking up something of Kyungsoo’s.” Baekhyun sighs aloud, but Jongdae discounts any aggravation because of the smirk on his lips.

As Baekhyun approaches the door, he looks over at Jongdae and gives a little smile before saying, “Yixing, you can hang out with all of us.” He moves his hand to signify himself, Jongdae, and the next cabin over containing his friends. “Anytime, really. Just knock and we’ll find something to do.”

“I really appreciate it,” Yixing smiles and Jongdae sees a huge dimple appearing on his cheek, “but I actually am leaving at the next stop, so I doubt there’s really any time to do anything, especially with this emergency with your friends.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes at the thought of an emergency and says, “That’s too bad. Chanyeol would probably explode if he knew you like indie.”

Yixing chuckles and doesn’t say anything until Baekhyun exits. Then, he turns to look at the still-there Jongdae and asks, “You not going to follow your boyfriend?”

Jongdae feels his body tense, air trapped in his lungs as he hears the nonchalant way Yixing asks, as if he’s wondering about the chance of rain tomorrow. Jongdae quickly tries to compose himself, but he still stutters, “He- I- we- We aren’t together.”

“Oh?” Yixing’s eyebrows raise and his eyes widen significantly. “Could have fooled me,” and Jongdae dryly notes that he doesn't seem to be having problems with the language now.

Jongdae feels like Baekhyun with the way he’s allowing the conversation to awkwardly die, so he channels some of his parents’ lessons on social etiquette to prevent that from happening. Except, he’s sure his parents wouldn’t approve of him asking, “So, you like being a musician?”

“Yep. I couldn’t see myself doing anything else.”

Jongdae hums and looks out the window at the blurring landscape. His mind thinks back on the past few days on the trip, and with a certain memory clouding over all his thoughts, he suddenly asks, “Are you like a starving artist?”

When he sees Yixing’s puzzled, and perhaps offended expression, Jongdae thinks he should really work on his lack of filter when asking questions. However, Yixing’s smile never fades, so he considers that a good sign.

“No? I eat three meals a day? Do I look too frail?” Yixing picks up his phone and frowns into the camera, assumingly checking to see if his cheekbones have sunken or if other telltale signs of malnutrition have appeared since the last time he saw his reflection.

Jongdae shakes his head and chuckles a bit at Yixing’s questions. “No, I didn’t mean it literally.” Jongdae pauses, thinking of a better way to phrase his words. “I meant that you would give up material things for your music, which could include buying guitar stuff before food, I guess.”

Yixing laughs; no he doesn’t just laugh, Jongdae muses - he guffaws. Yixing claps his hands as he shakes with laughter, and once he finally calms down, he says with an amused tone, “Why would I do that when I have money for both?”

“You do?” Jongdae says and winces when he realizes how elitist it sounds.

“Yeah?” Yixing says as if it’s obvious. “How else would I afford the expensive plane ticket here, college tuition in China and here, this train ride, and other things if I didn’t have enough funds?”

As Jongdae takes a good look around Yixing’s cabin, he wants to slap himself in the face for not paying closer attention to detail and realizing that sooner. He carries an MCM bag, let alone what could actually be in the rest of his luggage; he’s certainly not poor, or starving.

“Is that just a cliche here?” Yixing asks curiously. “If you avoid the corporate workplace and choose the arts instead, you’ll suffer from poverty and potential starvation? I have a few friends in Seoul who are musicians who are doing just fine - not rich like a CEO, of course, but fine.”

“And besides,” Yixing continues before Jongdae can form an apology for rudely assuming, “what does it matter if I wasn’t well off? If doing something you love is enough to survive and be happy, why wouldn’t you do it?”

Jongdae, with a lack of words to explain his faulty thinking, looks out the window for inspiration; his mind connects the dots of this conversation and the memories from earlier, and he realizes that he was worrying about Taemin and Jongin the entire time. Despite trusting that they will succeed and be alright, Jongdae still wonders what could happen to them if their plans don’t fall right into place. When Jongdae turns his gaze back onto Yixing and sees the remaining glint of happiness in his eyes from playing guitar earlier, he knows that he shouldn’t worry anymore. It’s Taemin’s, Jongin’s, and Yixing’s lives, and they seem very pleased with how they’re heading. Jongdae should be just as pleased.

“You’re right,” Jongdae finally says and glances at the window one last time. “Why wouldn’t someone do it?”

When Jongdae sees Yixing’s bright eyes and smile that says someone understands what I’m saying, Jongdae really thinks he doesn’t need to worry anymore.

-

When the train stops at 18:00, Baekhyun drags Jongdae out of his room to help Yixing with all of his luggage and to say goodbye. After waiting with him for a taxi and helping load all his bags into the car, Baekhyun waves to the car disappearing into the heavy traffic before turning to Jongdae and grumbling, “I’m starving.”

“Yeah,” Jongdae says absently, looking around the city landscape for a familiar restaurant chain.

Baekhyun nods and points to a relatively close Lotteria and says, “You alright with fast food?”

Jongdae looks in the direction of Baekhyun’s finger, sees the fluorescent “OPEN 24 HOURS” sign, and frowns slightly. “If that’s what you want.”

Baekhyun leads the way, and a few minutes later, Jongdae finds himself staring at the Lotteria menu with confusion. Only a couple separates Baekhyun and Jongdae from the cashier, so Jongdae starts preparing to say literally anything so that he doesn’t seem more out of place than he already is. Unfortunately, he doesn’t realize that the couple leaves, allowing Baekhyun to give the cashier his order and then stare at Jongdae impatiently and amusedly. As Jongdae stumbles out, “I-I think I’ll take,” Baekhyun interrupts him by saying that he will take exact what he’s getting, and that yes they’re on the same check. Jongdae nervously shakes his head at the cashier and attempts to hand him his debit card, only for the cashier to receive Baekhyun’s loose notes first. Baekhyun smirks and grabs the small, kid-sized paper cups from the cashier; he gives one to Jongdae and doesn’t wait for him when he walks off to fill his drink.

Jongdae trails behind Baekhyun to fill his cup, and he stares at his shoes while waiting for their food. He hears Baekhyun click his tongue in amusement, but he ignores him until the latter grabs his elbow a few minutes later saying that their food is ready. Baekhyun sits down in a small booth in the corner of the restaurant, and Jongdae sits down across from him.

He unravels the paper surrounding his burger and nervously takes a bite, not knowing what to expect from the food. His behavior doesn’t go unnoticed by Baekhyun who snorts and takes a large bite of his burger. In between sips of his soda, Baekhyun asks, “Is it good?”

“Much better than I was expecting,” Jongdae admits after wiping his mouth.

Baekhyun nods and doesn’t push for more conversation, apparently too hungry to speak. Jongdae, however, can’t stop thinking about Baekhyun’s performance from earlier, so he asks, “How long have you been singing?”

Baekhyun has that blank expression on his face, and from his few interactions with him, Jongdae thinks it’s because he wasn’t expecting Jongdae’s question. “A few years.”

“Just a few?” Jongdae asks with clear doubt in his tone.

“Fine,” Baekhyun acquiesces with a grunt, “since grade school. I was a choirboy. Happy?”

Jongdae smiles at the mental image of Baekhyun standing on the front row of the choir, and he imagines he must have had plenty of solos with a voice like that. Deciding not get carried away with his thoughts, Jongdae asks, “Did you consider it for a career?”

“What, so I could be a starving artist?” Baekhyun simpers and stuffs his mouth with fries. Jongdae averts his eyes to miss Baekhyun’s lack of eating manners even in a cheap establishment like this.

Yixing’s words settle in his mind and propose the suggestion that Baekhyun for once isn’t right, that Jongdae learned something Baekhyun doesn’t already know. That begs the question of Baekhyun being a reliable mentor in the first place then. But, when Jongdae thinks back to the ethereal, solemn Baekhyun in the park, he has no doubts that Baekhyun was speaking the truth, letting him know something worthwhile. With his thoughts still whirling in his mind, Jongdae asks, “Well then, what else are you good at?” He sips some of his drink and looks at Baekhyun who is twirling a piece of hair behind his ear.

“Well,” Baekhyun drawls histrionically and laughs when Jongdae accidentally snorts his soda up his nose, “I’m really good at spending less than 100,000 won a week. I’d say I am a pro at getting sleazy guys at bars to buy me drinks. All talents I’m sure any parent would praise their child for.”

Even with the burning sensation still in his nose from nearly inhaling his drink, Jongdae chuckles at Baekhyun’s sarcasm. “To be fair, my parents never would have let me eat somewhere like this.”

“Oh yeah?” Baekhyun asks with genuine interest, Jongdae notes. Baekhyun leans forward ever so slightly to show he’s attentive. “Tell me about your parents. Are they so snottily high class that you couldn’t even look at a Lotteria sign without them gasping?”

“No!” Jongdae immediately refutes before the words process, because actually, they are kinda like that. “Well, not exactly.”

Baekhyun chuckles and dips his fries into ketchup while staring at Jongdae in a way that says I’m waiting. Jongdae rolls his eyes at Baekhyun’s unexpected impatience and says, “I mean, I love them, very dearly. They treated me well and helped me to succeed,” Jongdae ignores Baekhyun’s sarcastic chuckle and continues, “But, I have noticed recently that they are a bit uptight.”

“A bit?” Baekhyun asks incredulously. “Who allows their son to take a train wearing luxury, designer brands?”

“Lots of people? Yixing had some expensive luggage, and I saw some other people with designer clothes.”

“I guess,” Baekhyun retorts and slumps in his chair.

“Anyway,” Jongdae speaks with his hands, “yeah, they follow societal rules to a tee. They want a son who succeeds, provided it is in acceptable fields. They passed their unfounded prejudices on me, and I hate that I believed those this long; I hate that I haven’t debunked all of them yet.

“So yeah,” Jongdae finishes lamely, until he thinks of something else to say. “They may have given me an incorrect, heavily biased view of the world, but they gave me the world, if that makes sense? They helped me do almost anything worth claiming, and I thank them for that. They’re my parents and I love them. But, I’m glad I am getting opinions of my own now instead of relying on their preconceptions.”

Baekhyun nods his head and sips his drink, still slouched in his chair. Jongdae sees Baekhyun’s lips move, and he thinks he hears, “Sometimes you impress me,” but he can’t tell because of his incoherent mumbling.

Jongdae crushes his burger’s wrapper and collects all of his and Baekhyun’s trash, who mumbles a quiet thank you. He nods his head in response and throws away everything and moves to sit back down only to stand up when Baekhyun motions that he’s ready to go. As they pass through the doors and finally have some fresh air not containing a greasy scent, Baekhyun looks to the sky and whispers, “You really do impress me sometimes.”

Jongdae feels like he should be surprised at Baekhyun’s words, but somehow he knows he expected this: expected Baekhyun to say his true thoughts when he’s out in the darkness, stars illuminating their path instead of fluorescent lights from the distancing city. Baekhyun intentionally avoids Jongdae’s eyes, and the latter knows definitely that Baekhyun’s words are true. Jongdae smiles at Baekhyun’s unusual compliment and he finds himself replying, “You really impress me all the time.”

-

The next morning, Jongdae checks his phone for the time and groans that he is awake so early at 8:43. He spends an extra amount of time dressing and making himself beyond decently presentable before stepping out of his cabin. He notices that the train isn’t moving and thinks of potential plans for the morning. Smiling to himself, he knocks on Baekhyun’s door to ask him out for breakfast, but he doesn’t hear anything in response. He knocks one more time only to hear a voice not belonging to Baekhyun say, “Go to hell,” which startles him enough to make him back away and give up completely.

Since he is alone, Jongdae decides on just a small bite to eat from a cute, very eccentric looking coffee shop about a block away from the train station. Immediately upon entering, Jongdae’s nose is filled with the strong aroma of coffee, along with a sweet scent assumingly from the fresh baked goods he sees on the counter. He walks a few steps closer to the menu and stares at it, indecisive as to what he wants. As he ponders the difference between frosted coffee and a frappuccino, he overhears the conversation between the pretty, rather young looking cashier and her slightly older, but equally beautiful customer. Jongdae tries not to intrude, but he can’t help his small gasp when he hears the cashier say, “Hey, Seulgi. How do you brew?” The cashier, whose name badge says Joy, laughs at her own pickup line and winks excessively at the other girl. Jongdae snorts and cringes at the corniness of the entire situation but smiles at its cute nature.

From his vantage point, he can see Seulgi blush and shake her head in amusement, features enhancing with her broad smile. She replies so quietly in compared to Joy’s near shouting that Jongdae cannot hear whatever she says, but it must be funny because Joy cackles so loudly and slaps the counter as if it were her knee.

The girls share a few more hushed words before Joy presses a few buttons on the cash register to ring up the order. She grabs a cup and writes something on it before looking up at Seulgi with this look and smirking when she says, “I really see something brewing between us. You wanna see a movie sometime?” Jongdae ignores her cocky smirk in favor of the look in her eyes, this look that she’s giving Seulgi, silently telling her that she’s important, that she’s everything, that-

Jongdae can finally put a name to the look he sees around him all the time. His married friends from college all have this look when the talk about their spouses. His parents, despite not showing physical attention towards each other, have it. Joonmyun and Minho have it. Joy clearly has it, especially with the way she’s ever so slightly blushing now. But then again, he’s seen that look in Baekhyun’s eyes as well, and for some reason that doesn’t sit well in Jongdae’s mind, the thought that Baekhyun considers anyone special enough to deserve that look. Jongdae wracks his brain trying to remember when he saw Baekhyun’s eyes glow in that unique way, and he nearly hits himself when he realizes it was in the park when he was talking about his friends. Of course, Jongdae inwardly ahhs. Of course, because this is the look of-

“I’d love to,” Seulgi agrees with the most confidence Jongdae’s heard from her yet, and Joy flashes a quick smile before making her cup of coffee. Jongdae can’t see Seulgi’s eyes, but he’s sure they reflect exactly what he saw in Joy’s.

Of course, because this is the look of love.

Jongdae finally decides to wait in line behind Selugi who watches Joy attentively. Joy returns quickly with a steaming cup of coffee and slides it across the counter in such a way that their hands touch. Jongdae can’t imagine how long their flirting would continue if not for Joy making awkward eye contact with him over Seulgi’s shoulder, but he supposes that it would’ve been a while. Joy whispers a quick, “We’ll finish this later,” before Seulgi walks away, and she greets Jongdae with a bright eye smile that is completely different from the way she was looking at Seulgi just seconds earlier. Jongdae quickly rattles off his order and smiles at the efficient manner in which Joy works. Just as Joy hands him his drink, he sees that look in her eyes again and turns around to see Seulgi smiling and waving at her from the door.

Jongdae excuses himself by walking to a table in the corner of the coffee shop, and he chuckles to himself when he sees Joy quickly look around for any other staff before blowing kisses in Seulgi’s direction. Seulgi laughs loudly enough for Jongdae to hear her from his seat considerably far from the door, and when she realizes how loud she was, she covers her mouth quickly and leaves without another word. Joy’s laugh fills the silence Seulgi left as she cleans the main counter with a huge grin. Jongdae leaves ten minutes after that with an almost equally large smile as Joy adorning his face. Almost, Jongdae notes, because her smile hasn’t depleted yet, and he doubts it will for the rest of the day.

-

Jongdae returns to the train after a day collecting gifts for his friends and family, resulting in it being late afternoon. When he enters his cabin, he plops down on one of the seats and considers how he should spend the rest of his afternoon before Baekhyun, he hopes, barges into his room and tries to get him to do something. Jongdae sends a few texts to his friends, checking in with them and seeing how life since graduation has been for them, which somehow leads to Luhan asking everyone to honestly rate his recent selfie. After that, he sighs aloud and digs through his luggage for the book he was reading a few days ago and finds it near the bottom of his suitcase. Jongdae opens the book to where he folded the corner and continues reading. However, he feels as if he is reading the same few words for ten minutes straight, so he tries to eliminate all the surrounding distractions, like the pretty sunset outside, or his buzzing phone, probably mostly from Luhan with comparison selfies, from the group chat he revived. Jongdae picks up the book again but sighs frustratingly when his thoughts are anywhere but the meaning of the words, leading to him closing the book dramatically and putting it back in the suitcase.

Once Jongdae settles into his seat bookless, he allows himself to be consumed with his thoughts which automatically turn to Baekhyun. He wonders what he did all day inside, or if he ever left the train - which leads him in a myriad of questions, like what did he do, was he by himself? Jongdae knows that he isn’t entitled to knowing Baekhyun’s every move, especially since they hardly know each other, but Jongdae can’t help his slight worry.

But, why does he worry? Baekhyun is grown and capable of taking care of himself; if anyone needs assistance at all, Jongdae supposes that it would be himself before anyone else.

Jongdae tries to wrack his brain for a reason to worry; he worries about his other friends, but the worry is less amplified and easily subdued when they send him a text telling him they found a decently price apartment near their recently attained job. Jongdae has worried about Baekhyun ever since he said he was riding the train wherever it takes him, because that’s so horribly ambiguous and lacking in planning. Jongdae always has an unambiguous plan.

Jongdae sighs and thinks it must be more than his fear of ambiguity and lack of planning; there’s something special about the situation, as special as Baekhyun as a person. When he tries to think of the reason, all he can see is Baekhyun’s lips turned up in a smirk and his eyes-

Jongdae’s thoughts switch to what he saw earlier this morning in the coffee shop, the interactions between those two girls - and it hits him. Jongdae bets all of this worry and concern for Baekhyun is because he-

No, Jongdae couldn’t possibly love Baekhyun yet; isn’t it too early? But, maybe it’s a sign of affection? If Baekhyun has the look for his friends, Jongdae can have the look for his-

His, what exactly? His crush? Baekhyun was right; isn’t he too old for this, too old to be figuring out who he wants in a partner? Jongdae feels frustrated at his surprise in liking Baekhyun, not because it’s Baekhyun, but because he feels so ignorant to how these things worked. Cheesy pickup lines worked for Joy, but somehow Jongdae knows Baekhyun would snort and tell him to stop playing around. Jongdae isn’t playing around; he’s very serious in attraction– no crush, no feelings. Jongdae huffs because he feels like how he imagines a pubescent acts when they figure out they like someone. And even if he they don’t go out on a date, Jongdae realizes he’s dreading for this trip to end, because he won’t be able to continue learning about Baekhyun, and right now he wants that more than anything.

Knocking interrupts Jongdae’s thoughts, and it only takes a second for him to recognize the unique rhythm as Baekhyun’s. When he opens the door, Baekhyun enters, claiming, “Kyungsoo and Chanyeol are being annoyingly lovey-dovey, so you’re my next best option.”

Jongdae laughs, points to the seat in front of him, and tries to resume his previous thoughts. However, when he finds that he can’t do so with the objection of his affections in front of him, he sighs and decides to continue learning about Baekhyun as long as he can. “Last night I told you about my family, so tell me about your parents.”

“What?” Baekhyun stumbles out in surprise and readjusts himself upright from where he was lying down.

"Tell me about your parents," Jongdae repeats with concern gracing his features.

“What, now you’re trying to understand the world via dysfunctional families? No thanks,” Baekhyun huffs and crosses his arms in front of his chest. Jongdae rolls his eyes at his lack of cooperation.

“Is it that hard to believe that someone just wants to know more about you than your name, the names of your best friends, and that you sing really well?” Jongdae asks exasperatedly. He avoids Baekhyun’s piercing glare in favor of the loose thread on his sweater.

Baekhyun sighs and deliberately keeps his words brief. “There really isn’t much to say. They found out that I’m gay, so I left before they could kick me out.”

“Wait, what?”

“They found out I am gay,” Baekhyun repeats word for word, very slowly and sarcastically to show his discomfort and aggravation with the subject. “I left before they could kick me out.”

“How long ago was that?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says with a disinterested tone that contradicts his previous demeanour. Not that it matters, because Jongdae can easily tell that the tone is faked. Baekhyun stares at his nails and says, “Three, four, I don’t know, maybe five years? Ask Kyungsoo, he’s better with dates than I am.”

Jongdae’s eyes bulge at the surprising information, and even more so because of Baekhyun’s supposed nonchalance. “Five years? And you’re saying to just, ‘ask Kyungsoo’ because he’s ‘better with dates?’ You don’t just remember?”

“Why should I?” Baekhyun asks with a smirk, but Jongdae sees that twitch in Baekhyun’s eyes that says this is a touchy topic, certainly not worthy of indifference, sarcasm, and smirks.

Jongdae hesitates, and in his pause, feels tension grow between them. “Why don’t you go visit them? Five years, or however long that you can’t remember, is a long time.”

"No," Baekhyun chuckles loudly in the way he does before he ends conversations prematurely. "I'm not going back. I'm going where the train takes me."

“So you've never went back? At all? Not even once?” Jongdae asks with disbelief in his voice.

“Why should I?” Baekhyun repeats with dry chuckle. “I know what to expect. I know how they’d react.”

Jongdae scoffs humorlessly, and when Baekhyun looks at him, appalled, Jongdae replies in a serious manner, “If there’s anything I’ve learned while I’ve been on this trip, it’s that I don’t know really anything, and everything I expect to happen never does. I’m not saying that you don’t know anything because you clearly know a lot more than me, but I do think everything anyone expects to happen never does. And that is life.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Baekhyun rolls his eyes and looks at his nails like he typically does to show he wants the conversation to end soon.

“Your parents probably expected to have a straight son who would graduate from college and then marry someone a few years after because I know my parents expected that,” Jongdae looks at Baekhyun and gives a sheepish smile, “The longer I’m on this trip, the more I realize that that expectation isn’t going to happen.”

Before Baekhyun can interrupt to ask again what he means, Jongdae continues, “I expected these two high school boys I met at the train station to rob me or something. They actually helped me find my train because I wasn’t familiar with the line system.

“I expected for a couple who was, well is, dreadfully in love to be able to legally marry and adopt kids, but they couldn’t.” Jongdae averts his eyes from Baekhyun to the floor, and then to Baekhyun again. “But I believe that will change, and believing is a lot stronger than expecting.”

“And that brings me to you,” Jongdae pauses and smiles. “You expect your parents to never accept you again. I believe otherwise,” Jongdae looks at Baekhyun with what he hopes is assurance and warmth in his eyes, but he feels his smile waver when Baekhyun doesn’t return it.

"For you to be learning more about the world everyday, you have a whole lot of optimism," Baekhyun mutters, and finally Jongdae sees the beginning of a smile.

Jongdae doesn't know how to follow that up because what is he supposed to say? Thank you? The conversation falls flat until Baekhyun looks over at Jongdae and tucks a loose strand of hair behind his ears. He looks away from Jongdae's worried, questioning gaze when he whispers, "Thanks for the concern, but I know how it'll be. It's best this way."

Jongdae reaches to grab Baekhyun’s hand and quickly blurts, "But it doesn't have to be this way!"

Baekhyun quickly grabs Jongdae’s other hand then starts to back away suddenly as if he didn’t do that, but Jongdae squeezes Baekhyun’s hands assuringly. They stay like that for a few minutes, silently holding hands in the near dark. Jongdae watches various emotions cross over Baekhyun’s face, some clearly showing confusion, anger and other less readable emotions. Somewhere in the middle, Jongdae swears he sees that look, the look of affection before it fades into Baekhyun’s typical blank expression.

He doesn’t have much time to think about his expressions because Baekhyun smiles sadly and stands up, but Jongdae doesn’t let go of his hands. Baekhyun playfully says, “Let go,” before more forcefully pulling his hands away from Jongdae’s.

He turns around and walks to the door where he grips the handle and pauses. Finally, after what feels like a tense twenty years, he opens the compartment door ever so slightly. Baekhyun looks back at Jongdae and sees his watery stare even through the dim lighting, making him look past his eyes when he says, "I'll be gone in the morning. Don't look for me."

-

Jongdae can't help that he does look for Baekhyun the next morning with the optimism that he'd be there. When he knocks on the compartment across from his, he is greeted by Baekhyun’s two friends who look equally sad yet reserved.

"He's gone. I'm sure he told you that," the shorter one, Kyungsoo Jongdae remembers Baekhyun saying, mutters immediately upon seeing Jongdae.

"Couldn't convince him to stay, huh," the other one, Chanyeol he thinks, says with an obviously faux-happy voice.

As he stares at the couple in front of him, Jongdae thinks that their matching looks of sadness seem to convey something else as well, perhaps expectation and acceptance. Jongdae hears the words slipping out before his mind has time to process them, "You guys knew he was leaving?"

Kyungsoo sighs but opens the compartment door so that Jongdae can follow behind them. Once all of them are seated, Kyungsoo answers, "We saw the tickets when Baekhyun ordered them, and two of them were round trip while one was a single trip. From that along with things he's said on the trip, we knew he wasn't going back to Seoul."

Jongdae sees that Chanyeol's supposed always prevalent smile has wavered since the conversation started. However, he tries to play off the grim news by over-compensating in cheerfulness and nonchalance. "I mean, he's done this many times before though, so we kinda expect it every six, maybe eight months."

"He leaves Seoul every six to eight months?" Jongdae asks with pure bewilderment written on his face. How could they easily accept their best friend leaving, so often at that?

Chanyeol stares at Jongdae strangely and says hesitantly, "Yeah, that’s pretty typical Baekhyun. Didn't he drop any hints? Let you know that he wasn’t going back?”

“Well yeah,” Jongdae answers and tries to prevent projecting his aggravation onto Chanyeol. “He said that he was riding the train wherever it takes him, but I didn’t know that was supposed to mean he’d leave when things-” Jongdae cuts himself off and prevents himself from blurting anything out for once.

"Yeah, that’s him," Kyungsoo agrees with Chanyeol and nods as if he understands what Jongdae was going to say, "it’s kind of a long story as to why, and I doubt Baekhyun would want me to tell."

“He said something last night about his parents and him being gay,” Jongdae says to hopefully get the conversation started.

Kyungsoo sighs and looks to Chanyeol who nods his head slowly, agreeing to whatever Kyungsoo is asking silently. Despite his present depressed feeling, Jongdae is amazed at this unlikely pair’s impressive communication. “Baekhyun is a hard person to summarize. There are a lot of missing parts that we don’t even know. But, Baekhyun’s parents are pretty well off.-” Kyungsoo suddenly stops speaking so that he stare at Jongdae’s surprised expression. “Is that surprising?”

Jongdae immediately thinks, yes! However, some of the missing pieces of Baekhyun make more sense with that little info, such as him knowing he wore a Valentino jacket. Upon second thought, Jongdae answers truthfully, “Not exactly.”

Kyungsoo simply nods at his response and looks at Chanyeol, giving him a look that Jongdae assumes means continue. Chanyeol thinks for a few seconds before articulately saying, “Since they are well off, they expected a lot of him from a young age. Like, he did piano for a while and apparently hated it, so they put him in vocal lessons, which obviously stuck. I don’t know all the details of his relationship with his parents, but he drunkenly described them as distant and constantly expecting perfection. Baekhyun tried really hard to always exceed their expectations for him, which would explain why freshman year of college we never saw much out of him because he was always studying.”

Kyungsoo sighs and picks up where Chanyeol leaves off. “He got a boyfriend sometime his sophomore year, and there’s not much to say other than we never liked him.” Chanyeol pulls a funny face at the mere mention of Baekhyun’s assumed ex-boyfriend.

“The only other thing worth mentioning is that his parents found out somehow and that he left Baekhyun not too long after that. Baekhyun moved out of his parents’ house, to the boyfriend’s, and then to our place, but it was almost like our freshman year all over again because we never saw him because he was always working. At one point I think he worked three jobs. He has always been afraid of being burdensome, I think,” Chanyeol finishes insightfully.

And then that’s when it hits Jongdae: Why Baekhyun leaves his friends every six months, why he hasn’t returned to his parents, why he didn’t give Jongdae a shot. Baekhyun is afraid, afraid of being a disappointment or being disappointed, being rejected, being burdensome, being disliked, so he’d rather end things before they can end for him. He’d rather be in control of his future than allow someone else to tear down everything he’s tried to build.

Baekhyun left his parents’ house before they could kick him out for not being their perfect son. Baekhyun left his friends time and time again before they could kick him out for being a burden. Baekhyun left Jongdae before he could say no, I’m not into this. No, I’m not gay. No, I’m not-

Jongdae looks back up at the pair in front of him and wonders what his next step is. The train has its final stop in Busan today before it heads back to Seoul later in the afternoon. He has another seven days to himself, and after so many filled with Baekhyun, Jongdae doesn’t know what to do for the next week.

Jongdae pushes himself up and starts to bid the couple goodbye; before he can do so, Chanyeol asks him, “Would you like to hang with us when we go to Busan? Kyungsoo knows some great places to eat.”

Jongdae sits back down comfortably, smiles as much as he can given the circumstance, and voices his appreciation by saying, “That would be great.”

-

Jongdae has a weird sense of deja vu that afternoon when he wakes up to a constant banging noise outside his cabin, disrupting his nap he took after the trip with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. Assuming that it’s a new neighbor in need of help moving their stuff, Jongdae drowsily steps out of his cabin and offers, “Do you need-” until the words get caught in his mouth when he sees the last person he was expecting: Baekhyun.

“Do I need?” Baekhyun asks with his typical coy smirk, but he drops his little bit of luggage and quickly pulls Jongdae into a hug. As Jongdae pats Baekhyun’s hair as the latter places his head into Jongdae’s neck, he sees Baekhyun’s best friends moving his bags back into their cabin as if this morning never happened. With Baekhyun clinging to him like this, Jongdae supposes it will be easy to forget this morning as well.

“Why are you here?” Jongdae pulls away and cringes when he think that Baekhyun may take it the wrong way.

“I’m riding the train wherever it will take me,” Baekhyun says playfully, but his eyes are shining with affection. “That just so happens to be Seoul.” Jongdae thinks he understands the implications of going back to Seoul, so he pulls Baekhyun in closer and gives him a tighter hug.

With Chanyeol’s smirk and parting words of, “You two catch up,” Jongdae leads Baekhyun into his cabin and tries to limit the deja vu from last night. Baekhyun sits beside him and plays with Jongdae’s fingers nervously before finally lacing them with his own, effectively holding hands.

All is silent for a few minutes, both in their respective thoughts until Jongdae hears Baekhyun ask, "What happens if they hate me?" in a quiet, broken voice. Jongdae doesn’t think he’s ever heard Baekhyun’s voice quite like this, and he wonders if this is what the Baekhyun from years ago sounded like.

With his lack of elegance, Jongdae asks, “They?”

“My parents, one of the reasons I’m going to Seoul,” Baekhyun glares and Jongdae tries to hide the corners of his mouth twisting into a smile because the timid, quiet Baekhyun is gone as quickly as he came; he’s seeing the typical, sarcastic Baekhyun now.

“One of the reasons?” Jongdae asks and receives another glare for disregarding Baekhyun’s actual concern. He holds back on his grin when he comfortingly says, "If they do, well, you have me."

"How can I trust that you're not just going to leave me when you learn all you want?" Baekhyun asks while intentionally avoiding Jongdae’s eyes.

"Because I finished learning everything I wanted from this trip yesterday. I saw a girl in a cafe who looked at the cashier with this bright, unending smile that went all the way to her eyes, making them shine. That's when I realized what attraction, attachment, what really wanting someone looks like. And I don’t need a mirror to know that's how I look at you,” Jongdae rambles with a fond smile and shining eyes.

Jongdae sees Baekhyun's cheeks blush, so Baekhyun attempts to distract him by jokingly sneering, “Did you have to rehearse that in said mirror?”

“No, I already told you I didn't need a mirror,” Jongdae scowls but wraps an arm around Baekhyun’s waist. Baekhyun, being Baekhyun, allows the conversation to fall flat just like he does anytime he can’t come up with anything equally witty to say. However, he turns in Jongdae’s embrace so that he’s almost tucked into the latter’s body, and Jongdae can feel his smile as he leans his cheek on Jongdae’s shoulder. In his slightly hidden posture, Baekhyun mumbles, “I guess you’re alright too. Tolerable.”

“Just alright?’ Jongdae snorts and attempts to elbow Baekhyun in the ribs. “Not amazing, astounding, wise, best person you’ve ever met?”

Jongdae laughs at Baekhyun muttering curses under his breath, but he feels heat rise in his cheeks when he barely hears Baekhyun say, “Yeah, you really are amazing though.”

Jongdae finds himself dozing off in the warm, mostly comfortable position with Baekhyun until Baekhyun looks over at Jongdae with a sense of determination in his stare and change in posture. Jongdae raises his eyebrows in surprise, planning to ask what his deal is, until Baekhyun quickly affirms, “To Seoul?”

Jongdae smiles at Baekhyun’s attempts to pave a future with both his own input and someone else’s in mind. He plays with Baekhyun’s fingers resting on his thigh and echos, “To Seoul.”

---

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