#35: When I Was What I Was

[lordchen]

Prompt claimed: #35
Title: When I Was What I Was
Pairing: Chen/Krystal
Rating: PG
Word count: 11,790
Summary: Recording duets are always fun when people get along on their first meeting. But Jongdae and Soojung find out for themselves that the outcome after the duet performance can be very favorable despite awkward exasperating first, second, and even third meetings.
Author’s note: I tend to use people’s actual name instead of their stage name, hence “Jongwoon” instead of “Yesung”. Hope that’s okay with the readers!



Jongdae worried his lower lip and tried to sigh as softly as he could. Next to him, he heard a chuckle and Jongdae looked up, allowing himself a pout. A hand ruffled his hair messily.

“Hyung, aren’t you just a little bit disappointed that you don’t have a solo?”

Jonghyun shook his head happily and waved the paper in Jongdae’s face. “I’m singing with the Queen of Girls’ Generation. I have no reason to be disappointed. You got our China goddess. I think both of us are pretty well off. Besides, how else were they going to let Super Junior be part of this?”

Jongdae turned his eyes back to the paper and nodded slowly. His eyes still lingered on the line where Jongwoon’s name stood alone next to the song title.

Still, there was so much to be grateful for. He knew that Jonghyun was holding back the last comment that Jongdae had more songs than anyone else as well for the release. That was something that Jongdae should be happy about. But he had dreamt of seeing his name stand alone in just one song. Just one song outside of EXO by himself.

“Liyin noona is amazing to work with anyway. Plus she’s so gorgeous that I’m worried you’re not going to be on your best behavior.”

“And Taeyeon noona isn’t?” Jongdae teased. Jonghyun burst into a sharp laugh.

“She is gorgeous but I’m not Baekhyun.”

Immediately, a cushion flew across the room and smacked Jonghyun in the chest. He guffawed harder as Jongdae threw a disapproving look at Baekhyun who wrinkled up his nose at Jonghyun’s cackles.

“Why did I agree to meet Jonghyun in our dorm, knowing fully that we would be harassed?”

“Because you love us enough to let us stalk the SM Ballad song list,” Baekhyun announced petulantly. He glanced at the list again and sighed with a renewed wistful smile, “My queen has her solo.”

Jongdae groaned at the cheesiness and leaned back into the sofa with a grimace.

“I can’t believe you’re working with Liyin noona,” Luhan muttered dreamily. His eyes were glazed over and sparkling. Yet with such a similar reaction, Jongdae knew that it was pure admiration on Luhan’s part, unlike Baekhyun’s infatuation.

“You want it?” Jongdae asked carefully. Luhan sat up a little too quickly before curling in slightly. He then shook his head with a soft smile.

“You deserved this, Jongdae-ah. Plus, you are our EXO-M’s vocal.”

“So are you,” Jongdae replied softly. Luhan grinned and moved to settle on the couch next to Jongdae. He reached a hand over and scratched Jongdae’s scalp gently.

“Your voice is more amazing that I could ever hope for mine to be. You really deserved this, Jongdae-ah.”

With fondness evident in Luhan’s eyes, Jongdae nodded. His eyes drifted back to the paper that was currently in Luhan’s hands. There was one name next to him that intrigued him in a way that he found unfamiliar. Like little butterflies pushing against the walls of his stomach.

“So now I have feedback on Liyin noona… and I know Jonghyun hyung… But I know nothing about Soojung. Jongin, what was it like working with her?”

Jongin looked up from his spot where he was lying on the carpet, blinking as he thought about it. “She’s sweet and funny. Very playful. We’re the same age but I feel like she’s a little sister I need to look after. When she’s working, she’s completely professional. Didn’t flinch when I had to hold her hand for the photo-shoot. You’ve got good people to work with, hyung. Don’t worry so much.”

~*~

“Changmin AND Jongdae? Really??” Sunyoung looked scandalous as she narrowed envious eyes at the names on the paper. Soojung pursed her lips.

“I know Changmin oppa but… Jongdae-ssi? Do I call him Jongdae-ssi or oppa? What do I say when I meet him for the first time? How do I act? What do I wear??” Soojung gasped in horror before letting out a suffering groan. Song Qian patted her head gently.

“Careful there, princess. Your crush is peeking through your cracking ice.”

Soojung’s head shot up at the comment and glared daggers at Amber who shrugged nonchalantly.

“You just need to be yourself.”

“Loud, rude, flighty, and dumb?” Jinri asked with a quirked eyebrow. Soojung turned easily and smacked the taller girl who was standing behind her. Amber’s nose creased.

“True. Don’t be yourself… not completely at the beginning at least. I think it’s less painful if he rejects you slowly instead of outright from the start.”

Soojung pouted harder before her eyes widened in horror, “What if he asks Jongin about me? What nonsense will that moron sprout? I need to stop him!”

“You do know that if you bring this up to Jongin, he will realize that you have a crush on Jongdae right?” Song Qian asked with a smirk. Soojung stared at her helplessly before wailing and burying her head again.

~*~

Jongdae was the first to arrive at the meeting room. Luhan had insisted on driving Jongdae there. The elder was grinning in the car while Baekhyun tagged along in giddying giggles. At one point, Jongdae had snapped at the two in his stress, only to make them laugh louder at him.

When they had reached the meeting room, both Baekhyun and Luhan were promptly chased away by the director. While grateful to finally get them out of his hair, Jongdae wished they had been allowed to stay until the rest of the team arrived.

Surprisingly, the next to reach was Taeyeon. She was all smiles and plopped down in the chair next to Jongdae.

“Did you know that Baekhyun and Luhan are sitting by the wall outside the room?”

Jongdae laughed nervously and shook his head. He then changed the subject and started chatting about the upcoming schedules instead.

Changmin and Jonghyun arrived next, taking seats together. Liyin took the other seat next to Jongdae when she stepped into the room, pulling envious groans from the other two boys. Then Jongwoon, Zhoumi, and Soojung arrived together. Jongdae smiled at the sight. It was practically like a runway for them as they strode in. He greeted them brightly.

However, of all the smiles that he had gotten, Jongdae found himself fixated on Soojung’s forced polite smile. Even during the meeting, whenever he glanced over at Soojung, he found Soojung quickly turning her head away from him.

Jongdae tried not to frown as he knew that they would have to work together for one of the songs. There was the dread pooling in his gut whenever he glanced at Soojung. The mild frustration on her face made Jongdae wonder offhandedly if it was directed at him. He sighed. At least Liyin was warming up to him easily and, as Luhan had said, was extremely easy on the eyes.

The group was soon split between the ones who were doing the “Breathe” duets and “Blind” for practice purposes. Taeyeon leaned in closer to Jongdae to place a soft hand on his shoulder to wish him luck before leaving for Jonghyun’s side. When Jongdae glanced up at the door, the look of outrage on Baekhyun’s face through the glass panel at the door was priceless. Luhan on the other hand was stabbing his thumbs up in the air, face frozen in a crazy grin.

Jongdae rolled his eyes before pointing them out to Liyin. Liyin stared at the two boys with differing expressions and burst into giggles as Jongdae laughed at her reaction. Suddenly aware of the noise they were creating, Jongdae glanced around the room quickly to check if they were disturbing anyone. It was then he noticed the death glare from Soojung. Shutting up hastily, Jongdae returned his attention to Liyin. He uncapped the water bottle for her and turned to his lyrics, ready to work.

~*~

“Stop trying to cook Liyin with your eyes.”

Soojung snapped her head and stared at Changmin who was smirking at his lyrics.

“What?”

“I can’t decide if you’re trying to fry her or stab her.”

“I’m not! It’s… not… I…” Soojung blinked. Changmin looked up and grinned at her.

“You’re just too easy, my little girl.”

Soojung pressed her lips together in a tight pout, eyes drifting over to Liyin and Jongdae. They were leaning over the piece of paper together and laughing softly as Liyin scribbled on the paper. Just then, Jongdae reached over to take the pen out of Liyin’s hand, their fingers clearly brushing.

“Soo-“

The snap in Soojung’s hand made her start as she sat up. She eyed the newly broken pencil in her hands before flashing an embarrassed smile at Changmin. He smiled back softly and ruffled her hair.

“Do you really like him that much?” Changmin asked after he had ushered Soojung out of the room under the pretext of grabbing a drink together. Soojung simply sighed and kept her eyes on her feet as she walked next to him. Changmin broke the silence after while.

“Unless… it’s Liyin that you have a crush on?”

“Oppa…” Soojung whined and she tugged on his sleeve, making Changmin laugh.

“Fine fine… How are you going to survive the duet with him then if you’re going to be so flustered around him?”

“I can be professional!” Soojung replied in annoyance. “And you know that!”

Changmin had stopped in his steps to laugh even harder. When he heard Soojung’s angry huff, he grinned at her. Then he threw an arm around her shoulders.

“Yes you are. For your age, you are quite an incredibly professional artist. I’m glad we are working together. You should just be yourself around him just like you are around me.”

“Would that drive him away? I mean… that’s what Amber and Jinri insinuated,” Soojung’s lips turned downwards. Changmin pinched her nose affectionately.

“Who wouldn’t love my little dongsaeng? If he rejects you, bring him to me and your oppa will set him straight!”

At the cheer from Changmin, Soojung took a deep breath and smiled. He was right. Everyone’s always liked her. Then Soojung’s face fell a little. She was sure she didn’t just want Jongdae to like her like everyone else. She wanted him to like her the way she liked him.

~*~

Jongdae nodded along to the music as he studied his own words carefully, singing them in a whisper to Liyin. With every strange enunciation, she would tap the paper gently and shake her head. With the end of the song, Jongdae looked up to the glass and grinned at Jonghyun and Taeyeon who were on the other side of the glass. They pulled off their headphones and beamed back.

Jongdae’s attention was brought back to the paper when Liyin tapped his wrist gently. She had taken out her pen and was marking on their lyrics.

“我还不愿意睁开眼… not 我还不(言)意睁开(远)” Liyin frowned with a disapproving look, a smile still tender on her lips. Jongdae stuck out a tongue shyly before breaking into laughter. He made her repeat herself slowly as he scribbled “유앤“ and “옌“ above the two characters with his pencil. Whispering the sentence, the nod and brighter smile he received from Liyin was all he needed before he chuckled at her expressions.

Working with Liyin was different from working with Luhan. Luhan was about tough love accompanied with light raps across the knuckles with a ruler with every mistake. Liyin corrected with soft smiles and teasing jabs. Liyin rewarded him with a pat to the shoulder. Luhan treated him to punches of joy before pulling Jongdae in by his shoulders for a tight hug.

Still, both were effective and patient. Glad for the assistance, Jongdae rested his chin on his arms on the table and hummed softly as Liyin went over her own parts. They sang through the chorus once before an applause made them look back. Changmin was standing there clapping with Soojung next to him.

“Sunbae!” Jongdae scrambled to sit up properly, making Liyin titter. He glowered at her briefly before returning his attention to Changmin and Soojung.

“You can just call me ‘hyung’, Jongdae-ah. Your mandarin sounds amazing!” Changmin teased. Jongdae nodded with a sheepish smile and quickly vacated his seat.

“Soojung-ssi, please sit.”

Soojung froze, blinking prettily at him. After an awkward pause, Liyin stood up as well. She took Jongdae’s elbow, “It’s almost our turn to record. Jonghyun and Taeyeon are done already.”

The four turned to the recording studio where Jonghyun and Taeyeon were both stepping out. Jongdae quickly turned and bowed to Changmin and Soojung wordlessly before leading the way for Liyin.

As he walked towards the studio, he grabbed a bottle of water and opened it as he used his body to push the door aside. He let Liyin enter first and then handed the water bottle to her as he took the spot next to her. Changmin and Soojung took over the seats as Taeyeon left for her other schedules. Jonghyun dragged a chair to settle down behind Soojung.

Jongdae stared at the sheet music with all the hangul characters scribbled above the Chinese characters that he was tripping over before he glanced up to see Soojung staring right at him expressionlessly, fingers fidgeting with the pencil he had been holding earlier. He took a deep breath when he felt a hand wrapped around his. Turning to his side, Jongdae looked at Liyin questioningly.

“You’ll do fine. Luhan and Yixing tell me that you’ve been practicing plenty with them. Have faith in yourself! Fighting!”

Jongdae smiled back happily, giving Liyin’s hand a squeeze in return.

“Fighting, noona!”

~*~

“Soojung!” Soojung turned to Changmin who had reached over to grab her hand. She relaxed her fist in his hold and looked down. There was a little crack along the middle of the pencil and Soojung groaned. Changmin took the pencil away carefully and put it far from Soojung’s reach.

“We spoke about this.”

“I know,” Soojung whispered dejectedly, staring at the pencil away from her grasp as her fingers twiddled mindlessly.

“Spoke about?”

Fuck Soojung groaned mentally and turned back to look at Jonghyun. There was a mix of concern and curiosity all over his face. She let her jaw fall unknowingly before a warm hand was placed on her shoulder, shaking her back into full consciousness.

“Soojung’s just been very stressed about singing in Japanese. She’s taken to breaking pencils in those moments.”

Sighing in relief at Changmin’s save and Jonghyun’s contemplative nod, Soojung allowed herself a small close-lip smile. Jonghyun smiled back and raised a hand to ruffle her hair.

“At least it’s just one song. After that, you get to work with Jongdae on a Korean song. That should be a lot better.”

Soojung fought to keep her smile from falling as Changmin snickered behind her.

~*~

“She doesn’t like me,” Jongdae announced as he stepped back into the dorm. Three pairs of eyes turned to him and Luhan was the first to frown.

“Liyin likes almost everyone. What did you do now?”

“Not Liyin,” Jongdae bemoaned. He toed off his shoe and slipped his feet into the house slippers. “Soojung. She doesn’t like me.”

Jongin frowned next, “So really. What did you do now?”

“Nothing!” Jongdae complained as he slumped into the empty armchair. Baekhyun and Jongin exchanged glances before Baekhyun leaned over the armrest of the couch to shift closer to Jongdae.

“How do you know that she doesn’t like you?”

Jongdae started explaining the death glares from Soojung on the first day and how she seemed more relieved after she had left the room with Changmin. Then he told them about how he had seen her look pretty angry while he and Liyin were recording the song. Her frustration seemed directed at him because he couldn’t shake off the glances that she was throwing at him. It was only Jonghyun and Changmin who had managed to put a smile on her face later. Jongdae curled into himself and groaned.

“We have to record a song together!”

“That doesn’t sound like Soojung at all,” Jongin reasoned after a while.

There was silence again before Jongin leaned over to Baekhyun and whispered to him. Quickly, Baekhyun jumped off the couch and jogged to his own room. Jongin then whispered to Luhan who took his phone out immediately after. Jongdae watched them as a small smile played on Jongin’s lips.

After a few seconds, Baekhyun returned to Jongdae with a small piece of chocolate.

“Here’s something from my ‘happy’ stash that Chanyeol hasn’t gotten to. Eat up and hopefully you’ll feel a little happier too.”

Luhan nodded to his phone before looking up at Jongdae.

“If you’re going to be worried about working with Soojung, why don’t you record with Jonghyun first? Leave your duet with Soojung to the end so that it doesn’t distract you from doing well on the other songs.”

Jongdae thought for a while and slumping further into the chair, still hugging his knees to his chest. He nodded and pried his phone out of his pocket to text Jonghyun and his manager. He could only wish he knew what he did or didn’t do to not earn a single sweet smile yet.

~*~

Song Qian knocked on the door before pushing it open. A mop of long dark hair was splayed over the pillow.

“Stop suffocating yourself and talk to me. What did he do or not do now?”

Soojung peeled her face from her pillow and pouted heavily at Song Qian.

“They held hands. As if all those skin brushing weren’t enough. They held hands. He opened a bottle of water for her, held the door for her, and squeezed her hand.”

As the memory hit her, Soojung squeezed her eyes shut and returned to mush her face in her pillow, letting out a muffled shrill shriek. Song Qian moved to her bed and sat by Soojung to comb her hair down.

“They held hands during the recording?”

There was silence before a pink faced Soojung turned to Song Qian.

“Not really. It was like they were holding hands briefly before recording and that was it.”

“Maybe he just does that with everyone he sings with?”

Soojung made a face. “Can you picture Luhan oppa and Jongdae oppa squeezing each other’s hand before starting to record?”

Song Qian nodded earnestly. Soojung rolled her eyes and pouted again.

“I’m not going to survive this. How am I supposed to record with him next? This is driving me-”

Soojung and Song Qian stared at the phone that was vibrating on the side table. Soojung sat up quickly and took the call. As she conversed, Song Qian turned her attention back to her own phone and resumed her texting. It was only until Soojung let out another groan and fell back to the bed that Song Qian stared at her again.

“What now?”

“They want us to film the music video next. Changmin oppa and I will be last. Then Jonghyun oppa and Jongdae oppa will record their song next. Only after that then will I record with Jongdae oppa. We’re the last song to be recorded. Jongwoon oppa and Zhoumi oppa are recording while we’re filming the videos. Can’t I just go first? I just want to go over this stupid period so I can return to staring at him from afar.”

Song Qian grinned and reached out to pet Soojung’s hair.

“But this gives you time to clear your head right? Come on, Soojung, you’ve dealt with all your crushes so well. Why is this one different now?”

Soojung managed a shrug before Song Qian’s phone starting ringing. Song Qian flashed an apologetic smile and Soojung waved her away. As Song Qian disappeared back into the living room, Soojung thought about what Song Qian had said. She too didn’t know why this crush was different from others. And she wasn’t too sure if she wanted to know the answer to that question.

~*~

Jongdae cackled softly to himself as he stared at his phone. Liyin gave him a poke and frowned at him when he had turned to her. She placed a finger on her lips before Jongdae turned her phone screen to Liyin, beckoning to her silently to scroll through his messages.

There were several photos of Taeyeon perched atop the marble staircase, looking resplendent in her black dress, sunlight filtering through prettily. The text messages that followed after were filled with far more colorful language. Liyin’s eyes widened in horror and Jongdae rocked with silent laughter.

As the camera stopped, Liyin raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t think that Baekhyun-ssi was capable of such words. What would his favorite Taeyeon noona think?”

Jongdae laughed out before holding his phone out in front of him and Liyin.

“Maybe I should show her the messages. For now, I need a photo of us for Zitao. He wants to know how pretty you are today.”

Liyin blushed before leaning in towards Jongdae for a photo nonetheless. After they had snapped the photo, a catcall made both of them look up. Changmin was giving them the thumbs up as he walked towards them. Jonghyun and Taeyeon were returning to their positions again for the last bit of filming as Changmin and Soojung walked over to Jongdae and Liyin.

At that point, Jongdae watched as Soojung’s eyes raked over Liyin’s slender form. Both ladies were in white dresses. But while Liyin’s was a glamorous flare dress that cut off modestly at her knees, Soojung’s clung to her svelte figure and showed off slim legs that lasted forever.

Suddenly sensing that his eyes were trained on her bare legs for a little too long, Jongdae looked up immediately to catch Soojung’s eyes. Her eyes were a little wide and he blushed at the thought of being caught. Instead, he turned his attention to his phone to send the photo to Zitao.

“Boasting about your partnership?” Changmin teased softly. Jongdae’s eyes crinkled and nodded.

“Zitao would kill to be here. Too bad it’s SM Ballad and not SM Rap,” Jongdae whispered as he flashed the message window to Changmin. Zitao’s replies were coming in fast and furious, accompanied by multiple exclamation marks. Liyin sighed and smacked Jongdae on the arm lightly. Jongdae flashed her a cheeky grin but not before seeing the massive scowl on Soojung’s face as she seemingly glared at Jonghyun who was filming his close-up.

“You’re early. We haven’t even started our part,” Liyin remarked as she smiled at Changmin and Soojung. Changmin grinned widely and nudged Soojung’s shoulder.

“Thought we’d come over here and suss out the competition and see who has the nicest wardrobe for the music video. Apparently you guys won.”

Changmin gave Jongdae a deliberate lookover and whistled appraisingly, “How did you get the spiffy black suit and how did I end up with the awful scarf and plaid shirt combination?”

Jongdae rolled his eyes, “You look good in anything. I would have looked like a hobo in that outfit.”

Changmin chuckled softly as he nudged Soojung yet again. Jongdae wasn’t sure why his gut tightened at their interactions. Still, Changmin’s next words caught him off-guard.

“But you do look amazing. Doesn’t he, Soojung?”

Soojung looked back at Jongdae, letting her eyes roll over him. Jongdae forced his widened eyes to return to normal and watched Soojung carefully as she pressed her lips together, willing for a fantastic approval. But she simply nodded and turned away again to where Taeyeon was filming her last few seconds.

~*~

“Please know that I hate you,” Soojung huffed quietly as she watched Liyin and Jongdae start singing again from the small screen directed from the cameras. Changmin grinned.

“I gave you the opportunity to ogle at him openly and you hate me? I’m hurt, little dongsaeng.”

“Shut up… shut up…” Soojung groaned as she felt her face heat up.

Even with their backs facing each other, Soojung wished that she could have traded places with Liyin to be on the white marbled set with Jongdae instead of Changmin. She sighed softly as Jongdae’s voice rang out clearly, accompanied perfectly by the smoothness and power of Liyin’s vocals. Even their harmonization on the higher notes was flawless.

There was no need to sing, as they simply had to lip sync or sing the words softly to match the recorded track in the background. But once Jongdae’s part started, he sang as if he were singing live. Liyin matched him seamlessly and Soojung couldn’t deny the electrifying connection and the goose bumps on her arms at a pseudo live recording. Every pitch was spot on.

After a few rounds, the producer was pleased and moved on to the solo scenes. Liyin settled in a chair after hers was completed smoothly and quickly and Jongdae assumed his position by the marble pillar. He started singing through his parts as the cameras revolved around him.

Soojung was certain she had never been moved by such a voice before. Making note to never let anyone in SM know about it (the Shinee boys would definitely tease her mercilessly about it), Soojung decided to be content with admiring Jongdae from afar. Despite her insistence on doing that, Changmin had pulled her forward to where the screens were playing directly from the different cameras.

Even as Jongdae’s part was filmed first, Liyin sang along during her parts, causing Jongdae to forget himself and glance over at Liyin with a tender smile on his face. When the first round had ended, the director furrowed his brows slightly.

“Jongdae-ssi, you need to stop smiling at Liyin! It’s supposed to be a sad song! Doesn’t the guy die in the end of the music video?”

Changmin spluttered at the director’s finger being pointed at him. Jongdae pouted cutely, “Can’t I smile at the bittersweet memories? Noona did that too!”

The director shook his head.

“Liyin can. Her lyrics allow for that. Not yours. Let’s try this again from the top.”

Jongdae sighed. Soojung noted how innocent and angelic he could look even when biting his lower lip before Jongdae called for the producer.

“I think if I focused on the camera, I wouldn’t be so distracted. That way I wouldn’t smile. Would that be better?”

The producer and the director exchanged glances before quickly rearranging the cameras for frontal footages of Jongdae. Once they started filming again, Soojung felt an uncomfortable squeeze of her chest. Jongdae may have been staring at the camera but at that moment, Soojung felt the gaze directed at her. Every word was filled with longing and want and hurt. She couldn’t even find it in herself to turn her attention to the footage from other cameras capturing Jongdae from other angles.

It was also then when she realized that it was probably more than just a crush and that she was in trouble.

~*~

SOS. Call me.

Soojung groaned as the phone buzzed next to her ear. She opened her eyes blearily and reached for the phone to study the message. It was from Jongin. And it was far too early at 5 am to deal with Jongin’s nonsense. Just as she was about to go back to sleep, she sat up with a shock instead.

Jongin was in the same group as Jongdae. They were supposed to start recording their duet that afternoon finally.

It had been a week since the filming of the “Breath” music video and she hadn’t seen him since. What if something happened to Jongdae?

Scrambling for her phone again, she hurriedly pressed Jongin’s name and the dial button. Within seconds, Jongin had picked up the call.

“Soo-”

“Is it about my recording today? What happened to Jongdae oppa? Is he sick? Is someone else replacing him?!?”

A loud laughter echoing startled her before it hit her and Soojung fell back to her pillow, groaning and slapping her arm over her eyes.

“I fucking hate you, Kim Jongin.”

“Because I love you, there’s something you need to know, Soojung.”

Soojung removed her arm and frowned at the ceiling, “What do I need to know?”

“Well, Jongdae seems to think that you hate him.”

“I don’t!” Soojung hissed down at the phone before finally throwing a glance at Amber who was knocked out on the bed next to hers.

“I know you don’t. In fact you adore him and love him and probably want to kiss the living daylights out of my hyung.”

Soojung gasped and sat up again. Jongin’s laughter was louder than usual. She narrowed her eyes at Amber.

“No.”

“Come on… It got suspicious when Jongdae told us that he thought you hated him. It’s not you at all. So we did our own little probing… and all it took was an all-expenses paid hotpot meal and Song Qian noona and Amber noona spilled like a overflowing milk in a cup with a round base.”

Soojung threw off her covers and marched over to Amber’s bed before climbing onto Amber and straddling her thighs. She smacked Amber’s shoulder, making the older girl groan and shift awake.

“What now, princess?”

“You leaky cup with a round base!”

“What??” Amber sat up slowly and Soojung switched her phone to speaker mode before shoving it into her face and shifting off Amber.

“Jongin told me everything! How could you and Song Qian noona betray me? For hot pot?!”

“But it was good hot pot,” Amber’s lower jaw jutted out. “And no one refuses Luhan hyung’s puppy eyes. Have you ever tried turning down that man? You can’t. His eyes sparkle like he’s a 13 year old about to cry after being told that he’s too old to watch cartoons. No one turns Luhan hyung down. Even worse when Baekhyun hyung is also there pouting. Isn’t that right, Jongin?”

“Yupe!” Jongin’s voice was far too cheerful. Soojung wailed and threw the phone down onto Amber’s bed. Amber picked up the phone sleepily and scratched her face to wake herself up a little more.

“But Jongdae doesn’t know anything yet, right?”

“Nothing at all! I swear!” Jongin replied quickly. Soojung glared at Amber. Amber smiled and shrugged.

“Come on, Jongdae was telling them that you hated him. That he was worried about recording with you because of how you felt towards him. Luhan and Baekhyun were worried for Jongdae.”

“I don’t hate him,” Soojung argued without any heat. She started poking the mattress.

“Of course you don’t hate him. But you adore and lo-”

“Kim Jongin, shut up,” Amber groaned and rubbed her face. “Princess looks like a bulldog with her almost permanent pout. She needs to be pretty for her Jongdae oppa later.”

Both Jongin and Amber started guffawing together as Soojung slapped Amber’s thigh. Her hands then rose to massage the corner of her lips.

“Aigoo. Jongin, you should be here to see Princess massage her face to be all radiant for Jongdae later.”

With a final war cry, Soojung grabbed her phone out of Amber’s hand.

“You better be alone now, Kim Jongin.”

“I’m in the dance room alone,” Jongin assured quickly. Soojung sighed. She repeatedly confirmed with Jongin that Jongdae knew nothing of the infatuation. After the fifth time, Soojung sighed.

“He thinks I hate him?”

“You’ve been pretty much scowling at him,” Jongin explained kindly. “But we told him that you’ve just been stressed out about the whole singing in Japanese bit… and that you’d be more pleasant today. SO BE PLEASANT.”

“That’s if she doesn’t shrivel up and die in the presence of the glorious man of her dreams.”

Soojung flopped onto Amber’s bed completely boneless. All she had thought of was being able to listen to Jongdae’s voice as he recorded for yet another song. She hadn’t stopped to consider how she was going to cope with her own part. She was doomed.

~*~

Jongdae made sure that he was early for the recording. Luhan and Baekhyun had repeatedly convinced him that Soojung did not hate him. But the little giggles from Jongin left him confused and in disbelief. He wasn’t going to risk a smooth working relationship with a sunbae even if she was younger than him. He had to make a good impression to see her smile.

Not that he wanted her to smile at him in some special way or anything, Jongdae convinced himself.

He had seen her bright childlike smiles directed at Changmin and Jonghyun. He had seen soft ones directed at Jongwoon when they happened to visit him during his recording. And all he had from her so far was the forced polite one on the first day. Jongdae sighed.

All the way up to the day of the recording, Luhan had been bombarding him with photos of Soojung on her baidu bar. Jongdae had to admit that there was a certain air of innocence and mystery that shrouded the pretty singer who had barely spoken to him. Baekhyun had made him watch The Heirs and Jongdae wondered where all that heart-stopping aegyo had disappeared to.

He had arrived at the company early enough to visit the dancers who were practicing their steps together. And it did little to calm his nerves, especially when Jongin would throw a smirk in his direction and be smacked lightly by Luhan. If anything, Jongdae was as unnerved as Sehun who felt left out by some big secret Jongin and Luhan seemed to be sharing.

Fifteen minutes before the appointed time, Jongdae made his way to the recording studio. However, when he had gotten to the door, he could see another figure in the studio sitting alone. The long black hair was unmistakable and Jongdae let out a soft groan before knocking.

As he pushed open the door, he quickly schooled his expressions into a bright smiling one. Soojung turned around, eyes widened.

“I didn’t think anyone would be here early,” Jongdae apologized softly. He looked around the room uncomfortably and closed the door behind him before he glanced at Soojung nervously.

“I can leave first if you want some time to yourself.”

Soojung shook her head quickly.

“Not at all! Please sit!”

She beckoned to the chair next to her and Jongdae gingerly took the seat. He glanced over and saw that she was going through the song with a single ear bud still wedged in her ear. Quickly, Jongdae took out his earpiece as well and connected it with his phone.

“Shall we just prepare individually or would you like to prepare together?”

Soojung bit her lower lip for a while before she shook her head, “I think I need a little more time to go through this myself. Sorry.”

The smile she flashed at him was small and shy but a smile nonetheless. Jongdae smiled back widely and nodded, ignoring the clenching of his heart at her words of wanting to be alone. He watched as she inserted the other side into her ear and he parroted her actions.

Soon, the producers arrived. Jongdae made sure to open the door for Soojung and readied a bottle of water just as he did for Liyin. Soojung seemed taken aback by the actions. He was certain that the recording would go well if Soojung was as professional as everyone had made her out to be.

But he was wrong.

The producer cut them in the middle of the fifth time they were recording and his voice was loud and clear.

“Soojung-ssi, I’m not feeling you. I’m just hearing a pretty voice sing pretty words to a pretty tune. But I don’t want that. I want emotions playing out. You still love him but you think there’s no way you can be together. I want to feel the regret but the gladness at the bittersweet memories.”

“She is trying!” Jongdae grumbled out loud, then clapping his hand over his mouth hurriedly. He released his hand in time to follow quickly, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. But Soojung-ssi is really trying her best.”

“I cannot have someone try their best, Jongdae-ssi. I need someone to do their best.”

The reply was curt and hostile before there was a sigh, “We’ll take a breather. 15 minutes and we meet back here. I need a smoke.”

Jongdae controlled his face until the lead producer had stepped out before frowning and glancing over at Soojung.

“Don’t take what he said to heart.”

“I should. I’m not performing to the best of my ability right now,” Soojung replied stiffly. She removed her headphones and stepped out of the recording booth, Jongdae moving closer to her. He knew the answer to his next question but something pushed him to ask it anyway once the co-producer stepped out to leave the two of them alone.

“Is there something that’s bothering you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re lying,” Jongdae blurted out uncontrollably. He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. “It’s me, isn’t it? I’m bothering you. I’m the reason why you can’t be professional.”

When Jongdae opened his eyes, Soojung was staring at him, her eyes even more uncharacteristically wide as compared to all the other times. Jongdae forced a smile although he knew it probably looked more like a grimace.

~*~



Soojung couldn’t think of anywhere to hide herself. Jongdae’s smile was a frustrated smile. Amber and Jongin had promised that Jongdae knew nothing about her infatuation.

“You hate me. You actually hate me for something that I have no clue about.”

Soojung didn’t know whether to be relieved or not.

“I don’t! I’m fine… I’m just a little distracted now.”

“Stop lying… Maybe we should find someone else to do this. Maybe Changmin hyung, or Jonghyun hyung… or even Jongwoon hyung… how about Baekhyun?”

Soojung flinched at how hurt Jongdae sounded as he continued to offer names desperately. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

“Weren’t Baekhyun and Luhan supposed to convince you that I didn’t hate you?”

It was more of a whisper to herself but Jongdae chose to stop talking just as the words left her lips. Her eyes flew open before she covered her face in embarrassment.

“Why did you stop talking??”

“So you really don’t hate me?”

Soojung peeped between her fingers and shook her head, unable to control the pout on her lips. She let her fingers slide down a little more.

“I can’t hate you even if I tried.”

“Okay,” Jongdae’s shoulder sagged in relief. “You don’t hate me.”

“I don’t,” Soojung repeated softly, casting her eyes down as her arms fell limply by her side.

“You don’t… so… you hate the fact that you don’t hate me?”

Soojung knew that her face was probably contorted in the most unglamorous pained look ever but she couldn’t care less. The blood was pounding far too hard in her ears to even stop herself from speaking next.

“I hate the fact that I like you too much to function like a normal human being around you.”

She dropped to full squat and hugged her knees close to body, hiding her face in complete shame. The silence was more deafening that the earlier pounding in her ears and rejection was hitting her fast and furious with every second that ticked by.

After what felt like an eternity, Soojung felt a hand rest gently on her elbow. She looked up to see Jongdae squatting in front of her, staring at her. He seemed slightly stunned.

“I’m… er… sorry if those feelings are distracting you. I will make myself… less likeable? Would that help? I just… how do people deal with these things… oh my god… how should I…”

“Deal with these things?” Soojung asked carefully. Jongdae was definitely grimacing by then.

“Confessions? Or am I being presumptuous by thinking that that was a confession? I mean if it wasn’t and I’m wrong then oh my god-”

“It is… I mean… it was? It is… it is a confession,” Soojung groaned harder as she hid her face again. “Don’t answer. Don’t say a thing. Just let me finish this mess that I’ve started.”

“I like you. I like you a lot. I like how your lips curl up so prettily even when you’re not smiling. How you are always kind and thoughtful. How I can tell when it’s your part whenever an EXO song plays on the radio. And how your voice lingers long in my mind even after the song has ended. I like you a lot.”

There was a pause before Soojung let out a whine. “You would think all the stupid fanfictions out there would prepare me for a much better confession but this is a mess.”

Just then, the studio door opened and Soojung looked up again. The two producers were standing by the door and staring at the two squatting on the floor. Soojung and Jongdae quickly rose to their feet, slightly flustered by their audience.

“Are we ready?” the co-producer asked cautiously. Soojung took a deep breath.

“Never been more ready in my life. Let’s do this.”

~*~

“What did you tell Soojung?” Jongdae screeched. Jongin shook awake violently to see Jongdae sitting on his thighs while gripping onto his biceps.

“What??”

“She went all crazy on me earlier! And you’re the closest to her in EXO. What did you say to her!?”

“I don’t know! Wait… crazy? What did Soojung do?” Jongin asked as he shifted to lean up and rest his weight on his elbows. Jongdae nibbled his lower lip nervously for a few seconds before Jongin burst into giggles.

“Oh god, she finally confessed?”

Jongdae’s mouth fell open and he blinked at Jongin blankly. Jongin quickly peeled himself away from Jongdae and ran out of his bedroom. Jongdae could only follow Jongin’s retreating body with his eyes until Baekhyun and Jongin were both skipping into the room together, giggling like high school girls as they held hands.

“Oh my god, she confessed? What did she say? No wait. What did you say? Do we have a couple now? Oh my god. Where is Luhan hyung? He needs to hear this too!” Baekhyun squealed, pounding weakly at Jongdae’s shoulder incessantly.

Baekhyun and Jongin continued their giggles and excited chatter until they realized that Jongdae had gone mute. They both turned to him. Jongdae was still studying them carefully with wide eyes, smile all gone.

“Jongdae?” Baekhyun asked with a poke to Jongdae’s arm.

“She actually likes me?”

Baekhyun and Jongin frowned together and settled on Jongin’s bed next to Jongdae.

At their prodding, Jongdae told them about how Soojung had suddenly rushed out the confession during their recording. And also about how Soojung had dashed as fast as she could once the recording was over before Jongdae could talk to her. Jongdae could only watch on helplessly as the producer applauded him for whatever conversation they must have had to make the recording smooth right after the break. Jongdae was so certain that Jongin had told Soojung about it and they had probably plotted something to distract Jongdae from the actual dislike that Soojung had.

Jongin smacked Jongdae’s arm.

“Hyung! Why would I do something like that?”

“Because you’re a brat,” Jongdae and Baekhyun both deadpanned. Jongin sulked while Baekhyun turned to Jongdae.

“Soojung does like you. We only just found out that day when Luhan brought me out to eat with Song Qian noona and Amber. She really likes you, Jongdae.”

“But she was glaring at me during all our recordings!” Jongdae refuted. Baekhyun and Jongin rolled their eyes.

“She was glaring at you because you were probably being all sweet and kind and flirty with Liyin noona.”

“I wasn’t flirting with Liyin noona, Baek!”

“I know you weren’t. You were probably your usual charming self, all smiles and kind gentlemanly gestures,” Baekhyun explained slowly. “But those were all directed to Liyin noona and not Soojung. Of course she’s going to think differently. She likes you that much, you dumbass.”

Jongdae blinked faster before slumping back on Jongin’s bed.

“Soojung likes me.”

Baekhyun and Jongin frowned at each other before proceeding to slap Jongdae repeatedly on his thigh as he squirmed and screamed at them to stop. When they finally relaxed, Jongdae was rubbing his legs uncomfortably and scowling at them.

“Time to climb off cloud 9, lover boy. You should ask her out to talk to her about it,” Baekhyun reasoned. “Whether you like her that way or not, you need to resolve that with yourself. But it would be nice to give the lady a reply.”

Jongdae opened his mouth to speak but then closed it, realizing he didn’t know what to say in response. He sighed and thought of how he was going to reply Soojung. He barely knew her given the minimal interaction between them both. All he knew about her was from Jongin and the baidu bars of her that he checked a few times during the day. Not that he was stalking her after that one time Luhan helped him find her bar. Not at all.

Jongin and Baekhyun seemed to notice the internal turmoil before Jongin put a comforting hand on Jongdae’s knee.

“Er, is there anything I can help with?”

Jongdae grimaced.

~*~

“Call him!”

“No!” Soojung screamed into the pillow even as Amber continued to shake the younger girl by her ankles. She regretted her decision to return to the dorm instead of her own place but she knew that there was no place she would rather be than with her friends at that point. Soojung gave a couple of violent kicks to free her limbs and turned around to glare at Amber. “Leave me alone! I just need to suffocate myself now and everything will be better. Go!”

“Brat!” Amber yelled back before Jinri entered the room, glaring at both girls.

“Oh my god it’s been 20 minutes already! Has she not suffocated yet? Stop hindering her!”

Soojung scrunched up her face at Jinri, clearly unimpressed by the smirk on Jinri‘s face as she crossed the bedroom to get to Soojung. Then Jinri climbed on top of Soojung and pressed the girl further into the mattress with a tight hug.

“Our little princess has grown up, fallen in love, and done her first confession ever! I’m so proud!”

Soojung let out a groan of annoyance and squirmed around to loosen Jinri. Seeing that she was fighting a losing battle when Amber climbed on Jinri, Soojung gave up. The three ladies stayed in their positions until Amber removed herself and Jinri moved off too. Soojung remained resolutely still on the bed.

“I think we’ve suffocated her,” Amber blinked. Jinri was still smiling brightly.

“So Jongdae is going to be our brother-in-law? Lucky girl! Does this mean we’ll become close to the other EXO boys?”

“That assumes that Soojung is going to speak to Jongdae after today.”

“That assumes if Jongdae even wants to speak to me after today,” Soojung whispered as she twisted her body around before sitting up. Memories of the incident earlier that day hit her fast and furious.

Once the recording was done, she mumbled her thanks to the producers and sprinted out of the room. As she ran, she sent an SOS text to her manager to pick her up. She then proceeded to hide behind the security counter while peeping out once in a while to check if Jongdae had followed her. The lack of the slim man with killer cheekbones left her relieved yet disappointed.

However, she could hardly blame him. When she finally climbed into the car to return to the dorm, her eyes kept darting over to her phone even though Jongdae clearly didn’t have her mobile number. She reasoned that Jongin had her number but that both scared and excited her.

She could have called Jongdae as well. She had Jongin’s number. Song Qian had Luhan’s and Amber had Baekhyun’s. There were so many ways she could have reached Jongdae just as Jongdae could have reached her. She was still debating with herself to decide if she should call or if Jongdae should call.

The struggle continued for another three days after until Soojung realized that they were one week away from the SM Ballad showcase where she would have to see Jongdae again. And worse, perform with him. In a moment of horrid fluster, Soojung told Changmin all that had happened.

Changmin laughed for five minutes without stopping before promising to protect her from Jongdae. But then as an afterthought, he added.

“So how do I protect Jongdae from you?”

Soojung wasn’t sure if she’s ever felt so alone and cared for at the same time.

For the rest of the day, Changmin sent her inane photos of puppies to keep her mind off the impending showcase. However, he would slip in a photo of Jongdae looking impossibly cuter than the puppies, and then calling right after to laugh about it.

By the evening, Soojung was both irritated and glad for his friendship. As she wiped down the dishes, her phone rang and interrupted the music from her earpiece. With a quick glance at the screen, Soojung pressed the ‘receive’ button on her ear set.

“Oppa, you’re going to kill me before the showcase, you know that right?”

“I’m… I’m sorry?”

Soojung froze at the familiar unfamiliar voice. Her eyes returned to the phone screen. Instead of Changmin’s name, it was Jongin’s name. She silently cursed gods for the similar characters in their names and her habit of not putting last names. “Shim” and “Kim” would have been worlds apart.

And there was no way she was talking to Jongin at that point. Dread filled her immediately, shutting off her brain without a second thought.

“Sorry? This is…”

“Ah… Soojung-ssi… It’s Jongdae here.”

Soojung’s knees suddenly weakened and she let her body slowly slid down to the floor, kneeling in front of the sink, not pausing to think about how ridiculous she must have looked.

“Ah… Jongdae-ssi? How… I… help?”

There was a soft chuckle across the line.

“You can help me. Can we… can we meet at the company tomorrow? I’m free for the whole of tomorrow so any time is good for me.”

Soojung blinked at the request. It took her a few seconds to shake out of the moment and reply to say that she hadn’t had a schedule as well. Jongdae quickly arranged to meet at noon. When she hung up, Soojung stared blankly in the distance before echoing sounds of a slow applause made her look up.

Song Qian, Sunyoung, Amber, and Jinri were standing by the dining counter behind her and clapping slowly until Song Qian finally spoke up, “I’ve never seen you speak so slowly or carefully or with so much stutter. Then again, I’ve never seen you kneel to anyone but now you’re doing that in front of a sink. Wow.”

Soojung rearranged her body and leaned back against the sink cabinet and moped helplessly.

~*~

Jongdae wiped his hands down nervously. The breeze came with a chill but yet it wasn’t stopping his palms from sweating. He groaned at the sensation but remained seated on the bench. Then he wondered if it was smart to reach the meeting place 10 minutes before the appointed time.

However before he could wonder what else he could do in that time while waiting, the rooftop door creaked opened. Jongdae smiled in relief when he saw that it was Soojung and not someone else. He had no back up plan in the event that someone was to intrude on the somewhat secret meeting.

He watched slowly as Soojung walked up towards him, shy smile on her own face. His heart sped up at the unfamiliar tenderness. He quickly beckoned to her to take a seat next to him on the bench.

“You don’t have any lunch appointments, I hope?”

Soojung shook her head as she sat down. Jongdae nodded and reached over to the boxes that he had hidden by his side. He picked two out and handed one over to Soojung.

“Is this okay for lunch?”

Jongdae watched as Soojung slowly opened the box to reveal a beef burrito. She looked up at Jongdae, surprise in her bright eyes and Jongdae chuckled softly.

“I asked for extra beef in your burrito.”

The bright smile on Soojung’s face left Jongdae’s chest jittery in a strange manner that he couldn’t ignore. He quickly turned to his own burrito and took a bite out of it before he looked at her again. Soojung was carefully munching in small bites and grinning at the burrito.

They ate in comfortable silence until Jongdae was done with his meal. He then reached down for the two energy drinks that he had prepared and opened one for Soojung. She took it from him gratefully.

“At least this is a good start,” Jongdae remarked aloud without thinking. Soojung’s eyes met his curiously and Jongdae smiled, “You’re not running away from me.”

The red flush painted Soojung’s fair cheeks as she bit on her lower lip and grimaced. Jongdae let out a soft laugh and shook his head gently.

“I guess it was good that you left. I had time to talk to people about it and ascertain that it wasn’t some joke thought up by Jongin. I’ve also had time to think about what you said before meeting you today like this. I’m sorry for making you wait though.”

Soojung shook her head with a small smile lifting her cheeks. She tucked a stubborn stray away before looking up at Jongdae.

“What did have to you think about?”

Jongdae grinned, “Well, I kept hearing from everyone about how professional you are during work. But that day…”

Soojung let a tiny whine escape her lips before she quickly huffed in mild exasperation and crossed her arms in front of her to look away. Jongdae smiled at the reaction and reached up a hand to close over her elbow and get her attention again. When she refused to look up, Jongdae removed his hand from her elbow to tuck the stray lock that had loosened itself again. Soojung turned back automatically at that, making Jongdae sigh.

“I’m sorry, Soojung-ssi.”

Once the words had left Jongdae’s lips, Soojung looked away as she watched his hand flinch away. She looked to the ground and gathered the empty boxes before Jongdae asked her what she was doing.

“Ah, no worries about it. I don’t even know what I was expecting. It’s my silly wishful thinking that got the better of me. I should really go now. I have another appointment-”

“-you said you had no schedule today,” Jongdae interrupted with a hand on her wrist. It wasn’t going the way he wanted it to and he didn’t want Soojung to leave. Yet. Soojung let out a short laugh, which sounded forced and awkward.

“I must have forgotten it. I really need to make a move now.”

“Let me… hear me out first. Please.”

Jongdae waited as Soojung was clearly running her eyes over Jongdae’s features almost regretfully. Seeing no response from her, Jongdae continued.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry that you like me. Soojung, you are pretty. Actually, you are more than pretty. You’re so incredibly gorgeous and amazing. I hear good things about you, from how you work to how you are a good friend. Everyone likes you.”

“I am flattered that you thought me worth your affections but I feel as if I am lacking in many areas. I feel like I’m not good enough for you. I’m not Jongin. I’m not Sehun. I’m not even Minho or Siwon or any of the other tall model-like male idols in SM. I feel sorry that you decided to waste time on someone like me. I want to make it up to you somehow and I didn’t know how to do that.”

The startled expression on Soojung’s face left Jongdae feeling flustered. He laughed nervously and turned to his shoes.

“You’re a little like your sister that way… that ice princess persona. I just never knew you felt that way about me because you always look so mad at me.”

“I wasn’t mad at you,” Soojung sighed in reply before pouting cutely at Jongdae.

“I was frustrated. I was frustrated by how sweet you were with Liyin unnie. And no matter how envious I was, I felt everything amplified and lessened at the same time whenever I hear you singing. Or when I see you smile at me.”

They both stared at each other a little longer before a brilliant smile carved along Jongdae’s lips.

“And now?”

Soojung let out a burst of giggles as she gently shoved Jongdae’s shoulder. Jongdae grinned back happily.

“Does my confession fit better in those fanfics that you read as compared to your confession then?”

Soojung’s eyes widened in horror at the memory of that day arose again. Then she scrunched her face up and gave Jongdae a harder shove, causing him to lose his balance. The little squeal of shock from Jongdae was enough for Soojung to reach out and steady him just as quickly.

Jongdae then clutched at the spot where she had pushed against in mock hurt, pouting at her sadly until she caved and gave it a tender rub with her fingertips to make up for the shove. But Jongdae knew that Soojung would not be able comfort the odd sensation bubbling in his gut with her touch when it was her very touch that was causing the palpitations and skittishness.

~*~

“Stop staring at her like that… stop…” Soojung whispered sadly as she glanced from her spot. There was a soft sigh next to her and Soojung turned to the side. Taeyeon’s smile was sympathetic but never condescending as she put a hand on Soojung’s shoulder.

“It’s just a performance.”

“I know. It’s just…” Soojung struggled before slumping and returning to stare at the stage where Jongdae was Chen all over again, charming the audience and Liyin with his rich vocals. Liyin’s powerhouse voice held her steadily through the performance and there was no doubt about their onstage chemistry.

“You could keep staring at him during your performance with him.”

Soojung crumpled up her face instinctively at the thought of it.

Whatever Soojung and Jongdae had was an open secret with Changmin’s loud “FINALLY” when the entire group had adjourned for a meeting before the joint recital. Soojung and Jongdae had met for lunch and entered the room together. From there, the mess started.

Jonghyun had yet to recover from his choking by the time he got through to Baekhyun on the phone. He then shoved the handset into Taeyeon’s hand in confusion. Taeyeon had barely spoken a few words before she frowned and passed the phone to Jongdae who was still frozen to the spot next to Soojung. Soojung could only watch as Jongdae’s jaw unhinged as Taeyeon grimaced.

“He’s gurgling, I think?”

Jongdae then had to calm Baekhyun down over the phone that was set on speaker. When Jonghyun had relaxed, he was in time to hear Baekhyun wailing over the phone about his goddess. The red painting Taeyeon’s face should have been a good enough distraction from Soojung and Jongdae but then Jongwoon’s husky voice rang out loud and clear.

“That’s what the ‘finally’ was?? Our little Soojung is finally dating Jongdae??”

There was silence as Soojung turned bug-eyed on Jongwoon who was smirking a little too happily for her liking. He and Changmin weren’t even part of the recital performance and Soojung couldn’t help wondering if they were there just to torment her. Then another loud wail filled the room.

“KIM JONGDAE, YOU DUMB FUCK. AM I ON SPEAKER PHONE? IS TAEYEON NOONA LISTENING TO THIS NOW? DID I JUST SWEAR??”

As the rest of the boys burst into laughter and the girls shared exasperated looks, Jongdae threw an apologetic look at Soojung’s direction before running out of the room to deal with Baekhyun. When he was back, the crowd had softened considerably. Giggles and ribbing were kept to a minimal but Soojung was still flustered by all the attention.

She didn’t know if she could call Jongdae her boyfriend. All the way up to the joint recital, she spoke to Jongdae every night on the phone. Soojung returned to her own apartment and away from the prying ears of band members. And she relished in the attention every night.

They laughed and joked and confided in each other about their fears of performing live and away from their band members. Jongdae was kind and sweet, yet cheeky and fun at the same time. Soojung knew she was falling more and more with each second of their conversation. And she didn’t know how she could hold back with the affection.

Finally, it was her turn to take the stage with Jongdae for their performance. As they exchanged glances briefly, Soojung felt her face heating up immediately. The contact was far too intense and they were in front of too many people.

Much to her regret, she spent most of the time staring at the ground or at the audience, afraid that nervousness would overwhelm her if she looked Jongdae in the eyes again. After the performance, Jongdae led her to the backstage carefully. Making sure that they were alone, he gave a little cough.

“You were nervous?”

Soojung nodded silently, letting her own fingers take one of Jongdae’s hands into hers. She played with his fingers absentmindedly when she felt his other hand brush her hair to the side and behind her ears. Immediately she stared at him, stunned. Jongdae smiled softly.

“That’s okay right? Me doing this to you…”

Soojung sighed and nodded with a small upward quirk of the corner of her lips. Jongdae’s smile brightened.

“Taeyeon noona said you were supposed to look at me. But every time I turned to you, you weren’t looking at me.”

“We were in front of so many people!” Soojung argued gently, making Jongdae laugh. He then convinced her to allow him to give her a lift back to her apartment as some of his members were picking him up.

Once the recital was over, they waited a little while more before Jongdae received notice of their ride. They moved quickly to the private car park where Minseok and Luhan were waiting in the front seat. The two climbed into the back seat together.

As the car started, Soojung yawned a little. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to her side where Jongdae was watching her.

“Tired? You can rest on my shoulder.”

Soojung grinned happily before pressing herself into Jongdae’s side and resting her head on his shoulder. His hand dropped from her shoulder to lace their fingers together.

“No funky business in the backseat please, funky JD,” Minseok teased as Luhan choked on his laugh. Soojung closed her eyes in embarrassment and Jongdae gave Minseok’s seat a warning kick.

Yet in her position, Soojung couldn’t bring herself to sleep. She had never been so physically close to Jongdae and it was making her heart beat faster. The warmth from Jongdae’s body was driving her mad. She allowed herself a small peep to see Jongdae’s neck nearby.

Wondering if she could tilt her head enough to press a kiss on his neck on the pretext of random sleep movement, Soojung started to adjust herself. She kept her movement to gradual jerks, quietly priding herself for her quick thinking.

Suddenly, she felt him press lean flesh against her lips. She frowned and tried to think of what that could have possibly been. But another press against her lips interrupted her train of thought. Her eyes flew open to see Jongdae withdrawing his face.

“I knew you weren’t sleeping, you cheeky little thing,” Jongdae whispered, his face still near hers. Soojung scrunched up her nose and smacked their connected hands against his thigh. Then she bit her lower lip shyly and held his gaze.

“What was the first thing you pressed against my lips?”

Jongdae answered by pressing the side of his jaw against her lips. She let out a peal of giggles. “And the second one? It felt different. Not so lean… it was softer-”

Before she could finish, Jongdae cut her off with his lips on hers. He pulled away in a flutter and blinked at her.

“You’re not going to slap me now, are you?”

Soojung groaned in exasperation before stretching up for a proper kiss. Just as their lips brushed against each other’s, there was a screech from the front seat.

“Our funky baby is all grown up! Look Minseok! He’s kissing girls!!”

“I said no funky business in the backseat!” Minseok yelled in horror, eyes still on the road. Luhan had turned into a seal with the strange noises he was making and his constantly clapping hands. Jongdae groaned and Soojung leaned back into her seat, covering her face.

~*~

“Did you have to kiss her?”

“No-”

“Do you want to kiss her?”

“No!”

“But you like noonas.”

“I like you more-”

“Are you going to break up with me??”

Jongdae groaned inwardly and pressed the bridge of his nose for a quick massage. “I’m not breaking up with you, Soojung ah…”

There was silence over the phone but then Soojung huffed, “Silly boy, this is the part where you profess your undying love and how you will go to the ends of the earth for me while making kissy noises to make me laugh.”

Jongdae burst into chortles at the sudden light-hearted tone as Soojung chuckled at her own end on the phone. Jongdae grinned at the television at the end of his bed.

“I miss you. I wish you were here and I could bring you to different parts of China to have fun. You would have liked it.”

“Wouldn’t we need one of your Chinese members around?” Soojung asked. “Your Chinese isn’t fantastic.”

Jongdae shook his head, “It isn’t but-”

“Luhan. I want Luhan!” Soojung exclaimed excitedly. It was Jongdae’s turn to huff in displeasure at his girlfriend’s enthusiasm.

“Are you just using me to get to him?? That’s what this whole thing is about isn’t it?”

“Silly boy, I will follow you to the ends of the earth and back… Don’t you know my heart?” Soojung cooed, making Jongdae suck in a deep breath at her words.

They had been apart for a while when their promotional tour started. Jongdae was in China with Liyin as they thrilled and enthralled Chinese fans. Hearts were won over the tabloids and fan sites were creating love stories between the two vocals with their gentleness and interviews analyzed to the core.

Soojung knew that those were all just articles and fanfiction. Still, the first day of the shows had everyone in frenzy. Jinri had manhandled Soojung into getting the older girl’s phone just to call Jongdae angrily after the first fancam they watched. As Jinri tore Jongdae apart through the phone, Liyin called Soojung anxiously. It resulted in Jinri reprimanding Jongdae while Liyin and Soojung laughed and joked about how the rest of the F(x) girls had to scold Jongdae as well despite his whines.

Still, Jongdae called Soojung every night, not only to appease her, but also just to hear her voice. She had become an integral part of his routine. And he didn’t even think it was enough. He never pegged himself as someone to cling on so tightly to his phone. Nor did he think of himself as someone who would rely on another for comfort so often.

But there he was, pandering after Soojung’s affection and hanging on her every word for sustenance.

They continued for a while more as Soojung asked him about the performances that he had left. Jongdae took extra care to make her laugh and hear her little childlike whines as he shared about his day. She in turn shared about what she had done as well.

As he listened to her ramble excitedly about how they were getting ready for a new album, Jongdae couldn’t help his mind from wandering.

From thinking that she hated him, he had moved on to depending on the lure of her melodious voice to seek refuge from the busyness of the day. They talked about everything serious and superficial. From complaining about band members and work to whining about their favorite food selling out by the time they are available for a meal, Jongdae couldn’t even stop to comprehend how comfortable they were talking about their families. At the end of each conversation, they always told each other how much they liked the other. But it always stopped there.

A little yawn brought Jongdae’s attention back to phone. He smiled.

“Sleepy? Time for bed, Soojung-ah.”

“Yes, oppa. You should go sleep soon too.”

“I will. Good night, Soojung.”

“Good night, oppa! I miss you!” Soojung chirped despite the evident tiredness. Jongdae took a deep breath.

“I love you.”

There was another silence on the phone before Jongdae heard a nervous cough. He sighed heavily and spoke again. “I love you, Soojung-ah.”

Then he heard deep breathing over the phone and a choked sob. Panic filled him immediately and he scrambled to sit upright.

“Soojung? I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have. Was it too fast? I’m so sorry-”

“You don’t get to do this!”

The wail sounded hurt and broken. Jongdae felt his heart shatter despite the earlier calm and contentment. Soojung had started sobbing down the phone uncontrollably, her breath stuttering and heaving. He berated himself inwardly.

“I’m so sorry-”

“You don’t get to tell me that you love me if you’re not physically here with me!”

Jongdae let out a snort in relief as Soojung started laughing and crying at the same time.

“Horrible man. Horrible boyfriend.”

“Yes, yes, I’m quite horrid,” Jongdae teased, leaning back against the headboard again. “I miss you and I love you. Five more days. Five more days and I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

There was a sniffle and humming and Jongdae knew Soojung was nodding. He nodded to himself.

“Good night, love.”

After a pause and a soft sigh, Soojung whispered back tenderly, “Good night, oppa. I love you too.”

That night, Jongdae barely slept. His brain was busy replaying Soojung’s soft final words for that night. And when it was the one thing that made him smile and get through the next day without any fuss, Jongdae was quite sure he was not going back to the way he was before he met Soojung.

---

Please return to our LiveJournal to leave the author a lovely comment! ♡