#267: It Feels Better in the Dark

[lordchen]

Prompt: #267
Title: It Feels Better in the Dark
Pairing: Chen/Kai
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 15,264
Summary: The science of not sleeping: a practical handbook for midnight adventures, Disney nights, and smooth moves.
Author's note: OP, this was such a pretty prompt! I had the most fun working on it, and I really hope I did your lovely prompt justice. 

Jongdae always waits for Yixing to fall asleep before he sneaks out of their room. They’ve been roommates long enough for Jongdae to tell from the beats between his breaths whether Yixing is fast asleep or if he’s still on the brink. It’s comforting to Jongdae—counting out the breaths—but not enough to put him to sleep.

When he feels Yixing is in a deep enough sleep, Jongdae creeps out as quietly as he can.

He stands in the middle of the kitchen for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to eat, before he decides on ramen because it’s the fastest to make and he probably won’t set the kitchen on fire making noodles.

He’s cold even though he’s standing in front of the stove and he blames Luhan for his discomfort. Probably some elaborate ploy to cuddle up to Minseok, he thinks, grumbling under his breath. Tao had caught him sabotaging the thermostat red-handed two nights ago, and it had taken them awhile to figure it out what Luhan was up to because he usually hates the cold.

Stupid Luhan.

Jongdae gives in after his ramen is done and heads into his room to grab a sweater. He ends up having to dig through his closet as quietly as possible because it’s a mess and all he can find are thin t-shirts. When he finally finds something warm, he heads back into the kitchen pulling his sweater over his head.

He jumps when he pokes his head free and sees someone with their head inside the fridge. Before he can freak out, he sees the Pororo pyjamas and snorts.

This apparently alerts Jongin to his presence but he’s startled so he hits his head when he attempts to move away. He looks surprised to see Jongdae when he finally closes the fridge.

Jongdae raises an eyebrow at his pyjamas. “Let me guess, you’re here to be someone’s cuddle buddy.” He waggles his eyebrows at cuddle buddy.

Jongin snorts. “Yeah, I’m here to seduce someone in my sexy Pororo pyjamas,” he says. He looks over at the counter and his eyes light up. “I was looking for food. I was hoping for ramen. We’re all out upstairs.”

“I just made the last one.”

Jongin’s face falls. “I snuck all the way down here,” he complains.

“It’s like one flight up,” Jongdae says, moving past Jongin to get to his ramen. “How often do you come here to steal our food?”

Jongin makes a face at him as he takes a seat at the counter. “This is my first time. I figured I’d check if you guys had some ramen before I did a food run at midnight.”

Jongdae laughs. “You going to go to the convenience store now? Because I have a list of things I want if you are.”

“No.” Jongin leans forward and rests his chin on his hands and gives Jongdae a pathetic look. “I’m just going to sit here and give you sad and pitiful looks until you decide it’s better to give me your ramen.”

Jongdae snorts. “Even Tao cannot move me, and you cannot out-cute Tao.”

Jongin sticks out his lower lip in a pout. “I’m ready to throw in some whimpering too,” he says when he sees how affronted Jongdae looks. “Maybe I can’t out-cute Tao but I can gross you out enough in my attempt to.”

“You’re pathetic,” Jongdae says, but he spoons half of his precious ramen into an extra bowl and slides it across the counter towards him. “We can share.”

Jongin glares at him. “Why did you make me do all that whining if you were going to share all along?”

Jongdae smiles at him over his bowl. “It’s fun to make you beg.”

“Kyungsoo has been slacking.”

“What do you mean?” Jongdae looks up from his ramen and he blinks when he sees that Jongin’s bowl is empty. “Did you just inhale everything?”

Jongin shrugs. “I’m hungry.”

Jongdae catches the I’m. Present tense. “You’re still hungry?”

Jongin gives him another pitiful look. “I’m a growing boy,” he says, casting a pointed look at Jongdae’s bowl.

“No,” Jongdae says, pointedly shoving noodles into his mouth. “I’m hungry too. It’s not my fault you guys are out of ramen.”

“We’re out of everything,” Jongin says. “Kyungsoo hasn’t done the groceries in forever.”

“He has a lot on his plate, shooting for his drama and everything,” Jongdae points out. “Why don’t one of the others do it? Why don’t you do it instead of coming down here and stealing our food?”

“Sehun and I aren’t allowed to buy groceries anymore,” Jongin says mournfully. “Last time we went, we lost the list Kyungsoo gave us so we tried to wing it. I don’t know why I got lectured when Sehun was the one who bought all that banana milk and ice cream. I told him we should be getting boring food like vegetables and fruit and stuff. I don’t know why you guys think Sehun listens to me. Asshole doesn’t listen to anyone.”

Jongdae snorts but he pushes his bowl towards Jongin. “Here, stop whining.” He tries to frown when Jongin flashes him a huge smile but he can’t pull it off. “You owe me.”

“Sure,” Jongin says happily. “Next time you’re awake at night, come find me.”

“I’m always up,” Jongdae mutters, half under his breath, but Jongin seems to catch it anyway. “What?”

Jongin gives him an odd look. “What do you mean you’re always up?”

“At night,” Jongdae says. “I can’t sleep. I’m always awake.” He laughs when Jongin continues to just study him. “Jongin, what?”

“I didn’t know that,” Jongin says before he turns back to his ramen. “Not even when you’re really tired?”

“Nope. It’s okay, I’m kind of used to it.”

“That’s sad,” Jongin says, but Jongdae just shrugs in reply. “So tomorrow night then, okay? I’ll buy you ramen.”

Jongdae raises an eyebrow. “Thanks, but I don’t expect you to stay up tomorrow night just to feed me ramen. You can buy me food in the day.”

“No, it’s cool. I don’t sleep at night either.”

Jongdae stares at him. “You sleep all the time. You walk around with your eyes closed half the time.”

“I don’t sleep at night,” Jongin repeats. “Even if I’m really tired.”

“Why?”

“Why don’t you sleep at night?” Jongin shoots back.

“I guess it’s because I used to stay up all night learning Mandarin and practicing out loud since I never got much free time in the day to do it, so now I’m just used to staying up.”

Jongin seems surprised that Jongdae actually has an answer. “I don’t know why I can’t sleep at night,” he says, staring at the almost-empty bowl.

It sounds like a lie. Jongdae isn’t usually good at figuring out when someone’s not telling him the truth but Jongin has never been a good liar. Jongdae doesn’t push it though.

“So do you want to do something together tonight?”

Jongin perks up. “Really?”

“What? You mean you were just going to ditch me after you stole my food?”









Jongin looks up from his board when he hears Jongdae mumble under his breath. He’s not sure what he’s saying, but he can tell from Jongdae’s face that he’s annoyed.

“This is stupid,” Jongdae mutters, throwing a pink peg across the room.

Jongin snickers before he turns back to his own light box. He’s pretty satisfied with this beach scene. He’s working on his sun when he realizes he’s running low on yellow pegs. He glances over at Jongdae’s pegs and he has a ton of yellow pegs.

“What kind of 90s realness is this!” Jongdae wails, throwing more pegs across the floor of the living room. “How do you even know about this game?”

“It’s just Lite Brite,” Jongin says, smirking a little. “I can’t believe how mad you are right now.” He inches closer to Jongdae’s light box and frowns. “What are you making?”

Jongdae turns to glare at him. “It’s a sailboat,” he says tersely.

Jongin smirks because he sees neither sail nor boat. “Can I borrow a yellow peg?” he asks instead.

Jongdae narrows his eyes at him suspiciously. “What are you making that you’re running out of yellow pegs?” he demands. He practically climbs over Jongin’s lap to see what he’s making. “What is this? This is so unfair!” He pouts at Jongin before he grabs his own light box and turns his back on him to continue his attempts at making a sailboat.

Jongin assumes he’s making some headway because they work together in silence for a few minutes, and after he steals a few more yellow pegs from Jongdae, Jongin realizes he’s hungry.

“So eat,” Jongdae says when Jongin voices this out loud. “You have legs, the kitchen’s five steps away.” He still sounds sullen.

“I want ramen,” Jongin says. “We still don’t have any.”

Jongdae looks at him in exasperation. “Am I going to have to do the grocery shopping for you guys? Do you guys just not eat when Kyungsoo is busy?”

“Chanyeol did the shopping yesterday. Baekhyun and I finished all the ramen he bought.”

“That’s not my problem,” Jongdae says, aggressively shoving a green peg into a slot. “Go buy some if you’re so hungry.”

“Come with me.”

“No,” Jongdae says stubbornly. “Go buy your ramen and this sailboat will be done by the time you get back.”

Jongin sneaks a look at Jongdae’s light box and it just looks like a random bunch of lines. But he figures pointing it out isn’t going to help him convince Jongdae to do a convenience store run with him. “Please?” He sticks out a lower lip. “I’m hungry.”

“Why do you need me to come with you? You were going to go out by yourself a few weeks ago. Just go buy your ramen by yourself.”

Jongin drapes himself over Jongdae’s back. “You wouldn’t let me wander around by myself,” he says. He can feel the moment that Jongdae gives up.

“It’s cold outside,” Jongdae tries one last time, gesturing at his thin shirt.

“I’ll lend you a sweater.” Jongin is already on his feet and running towards his room before Jongdae can even process what he said.









“This is too big,” Jongdae says, pushing up the sleeves of the hoodie that Jongin gives him for their late night convenience store run. The sleeves slide back down anyway.

“You’re just too small,” Jongin replies, reaching out to fold the cuffs of the sleeves. Jongdae looks even tinier in his hoodie, but Jongin kind of likes the way he’s attempting to bury his nose into the collar because he’s so cold.

He hooks an arm through Jongdae’s and drags him into the convenience store.

The boy behind the counter looks up from his phone long enough to mumble out a greeting, but otherwise doesn’t bother to move a muscle.

Jongdae seems mystified when Jongin hands over a shopping basket. “Why do we need this?” he asks, letting himself be hauled around. “I thought we were just getting ramen.”

“Lots of ramen,” Jongin corrects, navigating Jongdae towards the aisle with all the packaged noodles. “And banana milk.” Something catches his eye, and he pulls Jongdae along with him into the next aisle. “Gummy bears!” He gives the older boy a pleading look. “Kyungsoo never buys us any.”

Jongdae looks like he’s coming to a slow revelation. “Wait. So I’m paying for all this?” He rolls his eyes when Jongin gives him a blank look in reply. He assumes that’s a yes.

“Cookies,” Jongin continues, shoving a pack of cream filled cookies into the basket. “These are really good. Chanyeol bought some but I think Sehun got to them before I did.”

Jongdae leaves the basket with Jongin for a minute to grab some juice, but when he comes back, Jongin and the basket are gone. He finds him two aisles away, and more cookies and bags of chips have been added in.

Jongdae raises an eyebrow when Jongin tries to quietly add a few Melona bars into the basket. “Sehun is the one who wanted all the banana milk and ice cream, huh?”

Jongin gives him a sheepish shrug. “It’s not like I’m not going to share.”

Jongdae makes a face. “You think I want to eat ice cream at 2 in the morning?”

Jongin shrugs once more, this time more nonchalantly. “We could always just go back to the dorms and try the Lite Brite again.”

Jongdae shoves the Melona bars at Jongin. “Get the mango ones,” he says, before he heads towards the cash register to pay for Jongin’s midnight mini-feast.









“Why are you staring at Jongdae?” Sehun asks, nudging Jongin over as he joins him on the floor during their break. “It’s going to creep him out if he catches you.”

Jongin knows he’s staring at Jongdae, who’s joking around with Baekhyun and Chanyeol on the other side of the room. He’s staring because he’s perplexed.

“I’ve stayed up with him the last few nights,” he tells Sehun as if this is somehow an explanation for why he’s watching their band mate.

Sehun furrows his brow. “Jongdae?”

“Yeah, he doesn’t sleep at night either. Did you know that?”

Sehun frowns. “When does he sleep then?”

Exactly, Jongin thinks. Aside from the one or two hours they fall asleep after the sun starts to slowly slip its way into the sky, he’s never seen Jongdae sleep. Jongin naps any chance he gets, and if he can’t catch a quick nap, he becomes cranky.

But Jongdae is sunshine and smiles all day long. He’s endless energy all the time. He seems to have it in stores and Jongin can’t figure out how he does it.

Jongdae works just as hard as he does in practice, and they usually run on the same schedule unless he’s carted off for vocal practice with Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Luhan and Junmyeon. But he’s always on.

“I have no idea,” he tells Sehun.









If Jongdae is sunshine during the day, he’s something else at night. Jongin can’t quite figure out what it is. He’s still loud and just short of rowdy, still full of smiles and laughter, but it’s different.

Jongin can feed off his energy in the daytime, he knows that that’s what some of them do sometimes. They feed off Jongdae and Baekhyun’s energy because they seem to have so much of it to give, but the only difference is that Baekhyun switches off at night and Jongdae doesn’t.

He’s still there, bright and lively.

“Why are you staring at me?”

Jongin blinks when Jongdae waves a hand in front of his face. “When do you sleep?”

Jongdae looks confused. “I don’t,” he says. “Isn’t that why we’re both here, because neither of us sleep?”

“No,” Jongin says picking at his ramen. “I don’t sleep at night, but I nap when I can. Do you nap?”

“Sometimes.” Jongdae laughs when Jongin gives him a look. “I try to take naps, but I don’t always get a chance.”

“Not even when we’re travelling?” Jongin asks. “Plane rides are optimal napping time.”

“Really?” Jongdae opens his mouth and looks at Jongin pointedly, and the younger boy obliges and soon he has a mouthful of ramen in his mouth. “Plane rides are usually optimal ‘listen to Minseok wax poetic about Luhan’ time.”

Jongin snickers as he holds out more ramen for him. “How do you get through the day without sleeping? I’m so cranky when I can’t nap.”

Jongdae grins despite his mouth being full. “I know. Sleepy bear cub Jongin is cute.”

Jongin jabs him in the cheek with one of his chopsticks. “Stop changing the subject.”

“I sleep,” Jongdae says, dodging Jongin’s continued attack. “You know I do. I do all of my sleeping with you.”

Jongin pauses mid-jab. “That’s not sleeping,” he says scathingly. “We barely get two hours.”

Jongdae shrugs and plucks the chopsticks from Jongin’s hands. “More than I usually get.”









“Let’s go bike riding.”

Jongin’s head snaps up. “But it’s past midnight. And it’s my turn to choose what we do.” He holds up the DVD in his hand. “It’s a Disney night.”

“Disney nights are reserved for when we just want to stay in and relax,” Jongdae reminds him. “I don’t want to stay in. I want to go bike riding.”

“But…” Jongin sadly gestures at the DVD that he has now put back on the coffee table. “The Lion King.”

“We can come back and watch it,” Jongdae says. “Please? I know it’s your turn but last week we did that gross Lite Brite thing and the convenience store run.”

Jongin makes a face. “The convenience store run wasn’t an activity.”

“I specifically remember not wanting to go out that night.”

Jongin sighs loudly. “Fine. But new deal. We switch off on nights now. We have to do what the other person wants, no matter how many things they want to do.”

“That’s not fair,” Jongdae complains. “You always want to do things that require effort. Like getting out of our cozy dorms and going to the dumb convenience store.”

“Me? You’re the one who wants to go riding bikes in the middle of the night,” Jongin says. “I make us do things like play Lite Brite. And—” He stops short and his eyes brighten. “We’re playing Legos tomorrow night. I hope your Lego skills are better than your Lite Brite skills.”

“You think I don’t know that you’re trying to humiliate me with your 12-year old play date ideas,” Jongdae says, crossing his arms across his chest. “But I will have you know that I have superior Lego skills.”

Jongin smirks. “I guess we’ll see tomorrow night.” He sighs exaggeratedly as he makes a big show of dragging himself to his feet. “I’ll be back. I’m going to go grab a sweater.”

“Wait,” Jongdae says, hurrying to his room.

“I’m not going to ditch you,” Jongin calls out. “I wouldn’t do that. I really just want to grab a—oh.” He blinks when Jongdae reappears with his maroon sweater.

“I never got a chance to give it back to you,” Jongdae says, holding it out. “Come on. Put it on and let’s go.”

Jongin is still pulling the hoodie over his head when Jongdae puts a hand on his back and gently pushes him along. “Stop pushing.” His voice comes out muffled as he struggles to find the right hole for his head and his left arm. “I’m stuck!” He lets out a whine when he finds he can’t move his arm.

Jongdae laughs. “Hold on, puppy.”

Jongin feels him pull at the material and he finally gets his hand and head free and through the right holes.

“Cute,” Jongdae says, smirking at Jongin’s ruffled hair.









Jongin keeps veering off the trail and the only upside to that is how much it makes Jongdae laugh. It’s one of the things that’s a little different about Jongdae at night—his laugh. It sounds almost the same as it does in the day, but the timbre is different, and it’s lighter. It makes him sound a little giddier sometimes, but it’s cute.

Jongin isn’t usually so inept because he knows how to ride a bike, they’ve all gone bike riding together, but he’s distracted tonight. He blames it on Jongdae—on his laugh and the way Jongin’s hoodie smells like him.

“Jongin!” Jongdae reaches out and manages to grab his handlebars in time to stop Jongin from swerving into a ditch. His smile fades a bit. “Are you okay? Do you want to head back?”

Jongin shakes his head as he straightens up. “No, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Hey.” Jongdae touches his wrist lightly. “We can go back. Really, I don’t mind. We’re both supposed to have fun.”

“It’s fine,” Jongin says again, this time reaching out to grab Jongdae’s hand. “I’m having fun. My bike and I are just…having a disagreement.”

Jongdae tilts his head like he’s studying him. “We can take a break.”

Jongin tugs on Jongdae’s hand, dropping his fingers in between Jongdae’s instinctively. “No, we can keep going,” he insists, smiling. “Fresh air was a good idea.”

“Okay.” Jongdae’s right foot is back on his pedal but he doesn’t move and he gives Jongin a strange look. “I kind of need my hand.”

What? “Oh.” Jongin feels his face heat up and he’s glad they’re not near any of the street lamps that are around the park. “Sorry.” He drops Jongdae’s hand.

Jongdae’s face drops for a split second and it’s gone so fast that Jongin thinks he may have imagined it. “Race you to that playground,” he says, before he takes off.

“Cheater!” Jongin calls out, pedalling after him.









“You’re making me do a lot of work tonight,” Jongin grunts. He climbs to the top of the jungle gym, giving Jongdae a withering and offended look when he holds out a hand towards him. It’s not really a lot of work, but why couldn’t they just sit on the swings?

Jongdae laughs before he pulls out a small packet from his pocket. “Here, a reward,” he says, passing it over.

Jongin smiles when he sees the gummy bears.

“I took out all the green and yellow ones because I know you don’t like them,” Jongdae says. He’s trying to adjust his knees because they’re both facing each other and their knees are pressed together in an uncomfortable way.

Jongin watches him struggle, partly because it’s amusing and also because he can just look since Jongdae is so preoccupied. He has a nice face. Even during that awkward phase he had when they had just debuted, and Jongdae was too skinny and his face was all angles and cheekbones and a sharp jaw.

Jongdae bangs his knee painfully into Jongin’s during another failed attempt to adjust their position, so Jongin puts them both out of misery and slides one of his knees in between Jongdae’s, trapping his ankles in between his feet.

Jongdae is taken by surprise at the new space this gives him and he pitches forward, yelping. He has to stop himself from faceplanting right into Jongin’s chest by steadying his hands on the only solid thing they can get at—which end up being Jongin’s thighs.

Jongin laughs, holding Jongdae’s wrists down to steady him. “Okay?”

Jongdae nods as he steadies himself and moves his hands away. “Stop trying to tip me over,” he grumbles, pinching the side of Jongin’s knee.

“I wasn’t trying to tip you over,” Jongin says, laughing again. “I was just moving so we have enough space.” He holds out the bag of gummy bears.

Jongdae shakes his head. “I ate the ones you don’t like, I’m all gummy bear’ed out.”

Jongin snickers at gummy bear’ed but doesn’t say anything. Just sits on the jungle gym with his legs pressed against Jongdae’s and thinks about how he’s getting to spend so much time with Jongdae all because he had snuck into the M dorm to try to get some ramen.

“Did you go out by yourself at night?” Jongin bites the head off a red gummy bear. “Before, I mean.”

“Just to the convenience store,” Jongdae says. “I’ve walked around a few times, but it’s not that much fun when you’re alone.”

Jongin smiles. “Aren’t you glad I have insomnia too?”

“Not really,” Jongdae says, looking perplexed. “I don’t like that you don’t get enough sleep.”

Jongin studies him carefully, and Jongdae really does seem bothered. His concern is different from the way Junmyeon worries about him—about them.

Still, he’s pretty sure Jongdae sleeps even less than he does. Jongin is always the first one to feel sleep creeping up around the edges. He’s always the first one to lean his head against Jongdae’s shoulder or to yawn and that’s always the time Jongdae decides he’s tired too.

“I’m glad I have you,” Jongin says, taking Jongdae’s hand in his. “The nights don’t seem as long when you’re around.”









Jongdae yanks at the collar of the maroon hoodie, making a face, as they make their way upstairs to the K dorm.

“What’s your problem with the hoodie tonight?” Jongin asks. His arms are filled with all the junk they had bought—Jongdae had bought—at the convenience store because Jongdae is too busy picking at the hoodie to help him. And anyway, since Jongdae always pays, the least Jongin could do was carry everything.

“It smells weird,” Jongdae complains, pouting. It still smells nice, but it smells different.

Jongin stops even though they’re right outside the door. He leans in to sniff the hoodie and he gives Jongdae a strange look. “It smells like laundry soap.”

Oh, Jongdae thinks. He had washed it. It doesn’t smell like Jongin anymore. Jongdae wrinkles his nose but doesn’t say anything because it’s weird thing to complain about.

Jongin punches in the code to the dorm, and they’ve taken only one step in when they hear a clatter, followed by a loud shriek.

“Kyungsoo?”

The lights are still off and when Jongdae flicks them, he hears Jongin plaintively crying, “Our Lego city!” before he sees Kyungsoo hopping around in pain, and yes, their Lego city is in ruins.

“You ruined it!” Jongin shoves all the snacks at Jongdae, who has to grab the back of Jongin’s shirt to stop him from rushing to do—he’s not sure what he thinks Jongin will do. Actually he’s not sure what Kyungsoo is going to do, because he’s narrowed his eyes at both of them now.

“What the hell!” Kyungsoo whips a chunk of blocks stacked together at them. “You can’t just leave shit out in the middle of the living room where people walk.”

“This is from the castle,” Jongin says mournfully, picking up what was thrown at them.

“Maybe if you turned on the lights, you would have seen the huge castle and city on the floor. It’s not like we left tiny pieces for you to step on.” Jongdae lets go of Jongin and stares at the mess. It’s not just that Kyungsoo had broken a piece off when he bumped into it, everything is in pieces. “What did you do?”

“I kicked it,” Kyungsoo says defiantly. “Why can’t you two just go to bed like normal people?”

“Why can’t you just turn on the lights so you know where you’re going like a normal person?” Jongin mumbles, shoving Kyungsoo in the shoulder as he moves past him to plop himself down amidst the ruins of their city. “We have to rebuild it.”

Jongdae holds back his groan. That had taken them an hour to build, and it had taken Kyungsoo less that ten seconds to smash it apart. “Tonight was supposed to be a Disney night,” he complains, but he picks up a few scattered blocks and joins Jongin on the floor.

Kyungsoo stares at them as they start rebuilding their city. “Are you guys serious?”

“It’s not like we don’t have all night,” Jongdae says, handing a chunk of Legos stacked together to Jongin. “Here, I think this is part of the castle too.” He looks up after a few minutes because Kyungsoo is still standing there. “Aren’t you going back to bed?”

Kyungsoo just blinks at him. “You stay up with Jongin?”

“Jongdae doesn’t sleep either,” Jongin says, sticking a stack in place. “We keep each other company.”

“What do you do?” Kyungsoo asks.

Jongdae shrugs. “Whatever we want.”

“We usually stay in,” Jongin says. “Because Jongdae is a wuss and he’s always cold.” He grins when Jongdae rolls his eyes at him. “But it’s cool. We get to do things like build cities.” He casts a glare at Kyungsoo. “Until rude ass tyrants come along and destroy everything.”

Jongdae snickers as he starts working on their moat.

“Sorry.”

Both Jongin and Jongdae stare at him in surprise, because Kyungsoo is never really apologetic. He seems mostly confused now, but after a few seconds, he drops down on the floor next to them.

“Let me help.”









Jongin is staring at their city after Kyungsoo goes to bed. “I don’t want to play with Kyungsoo next time.”

Jongdae glances at him over his shoulder from where he’s setting up the DVD player. “Why? It looks a lot nicer than when we did it,” he says. “Everything matches and is aligned properly.”

“It’s boring,” Jongin says. “Our city was mismatched but it was cuter. He followed the box! Who follows the box?”

“Lots of people follow the box,” Jongdae says, scooting back so he’s next to Jongin again. “It’s the right way to play.”

“Right way to play.” Jongin scoffs. “You’re as lame as he is,” he mutters, even as he shifts closer to Jongdae so he can rest his head on his shoulder. “And I don’t appreciate him third-wheeling.”

“How is he third-wheeling?” Jongdae laughs.

“Nights are our thing,” Jongin says crossly. “I may have to share you during the day, but I don’t want to share you with anyone else at night.”

“Didn’t realize you were so possessive,” Jongdae says, hitting ‘Play’ on the remote control.

“Kyungsoo’s not allowed to play with us again, okay?” Jongin insists, looking up at Jongdae expectantly.

Jongdae laughs again but he slides his hand on top of Jongin’s. “Yeah, okay.”









Jongin is relieved to find that he’s not one of the last ones down. Only Sehun, Junmyeon and Kyungsoo are waiting by the vans when he joins them.

“No sleep again?” Junmyeon asks when he catches Jongin rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“No,” Jongin says, even though all of them know that he has trouble sleeping at night. Kyungsoo doesn’t even seem to notice when he slips out of the room anymore.

“I researched a few herbal remedies that might help,” Junmyeon offers and Sehun hisses in displeasure as if he’s been offered a dose of Junmyeon’s homemade remedies.

Jongin suppresses his shudder, remembering the first (and last) time he had tried something Junmyeon had made him. It’s the reason he goes to Kyungsoo when he’s sick instead of going to Junmyeon. “That’s okay. I’m working on it.”

It’s not really a lie. They may not be making any attempts to actually get some sleep but the nights don’t stretch out as long anymore, they don’t wear him out the next morning.

Yixing comes out of the building, herding Jongdae and Tao out with him.

Jongdae is wearing his hoodie—the hoodie—and Jongin can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Sehun grumbles. “You look like a creep.”

Jongin ignores him because Jongdae brushes his fingers against his hand as Yixing continues to shuffle him forward into the van. When Jongin looks up, Chanyeol is giving him a strange look, but he ignores him too.









The airport is pretty crowded but Jongdae just worms his way into the middle so he’s surrounded by the other members. He pastes a smile on his face for the fans and just follows Luhan, Minseok and Junmyeon who are in front of him.

Baekhyun comes up from behind and throws an arm around his shoulders. “Did you not get any sleep last night either?” he asks. “You seem tired.”

“I never get any sleep,” Jongdae says, pulling the sleeves of the hoodie over his fingers.

“You should come sleep with me,” Baekhyun said, grinning at him. “All the cuddling until you fall asleep. You could try cuddling with Chanyeol but he’s too—” He pauses to flail his arms around. “He has too many limbs.”

Jongdae laughs. “Thanks, but I need sleep, not cuddling.”

“Cuddling always leads to sleep,” Baekhyun says. He curls his fingers into Jongdae’s shoulder when Jongin bumps into him hard enough to dislodge him off Jongdae.

“Don’t touch,” he says crankily, tugging on Jongdae’s right sleeve.

“You don’t touch,” Baekhyun snaps, smacking Jongin’s hand away.

Jongdae laughs when Jongin whimpers and he grabs his wrist. “Be nice to the puppy,” he tells Baekhyun, rubbing a thumb across Jongin’s hand where Baekhyun had hit him. “He was talking about his sweater.”

Baekhyun scowls but he leaves them alone, grumbling under his breath.

“I wasn’t talking about the sweater,” Jongin says petulantly, before he grazes his fingers against the tips of Jongdae’s since they’re the only things peeking out from the sleeve.

Jongdae smirks, trailing his fingers across Jongin’s hand until he can softly stroke the inside of his wrist. “I know,” he says.









Jongin manages to get Minseok to agree to switch seats with him on the plane. It doesn’t take too much work because Minseok is usually one of the most agreeable members. “Now we just have to figure out how to switch rooms,” he says, leaning in against Jongdae.

Jongdae laughs as he runs his fingers over Jongin’s knuckles. “I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he says. “I doubt either of us are ideal travelling roommates when we’re up all night. It won’t be a problem getting someone to switch with us.”

Jongin hums, burying his nose in the hood of the maroon hoodie. He’s pleased that it smells like Jongdae. It smells like both of them and that thought makes him shift closer until his nose is pressed up against skin.

Jongdae tries to squirm away because it’s ticklish but Jongin is holding on to the hoodie tight.

“I hope I’m rooming with Sehun,” Jongin says. “It will be easy to kick him out.” He sits up straight like he has suddenly remembered something, and he tries to force Jongdae’s head down on his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” Jongdae demands, resisting.

“Plane rides are optimal napping time,” Jongin reminds him. “I didn’t switch seats just to save you from having to listen to Minseok list all the reasons Luhan is a great ‘friend’. I bought you nap time.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Pretty sure I’m the older one here,” he mumbles. He stops resisting though and lets himself relax against Jongin’s shoulder.

“Pretty sure it’s okay for me to be the one to look after you sometimes,” Jongin shoots back.

Jongdae shifts to discreetly place a kiss on Jongin’s shoulder. “Thanks,” he says, leaning back against him and reaching for his hand.









Whenever they travel, Jongdae usually ends up sharing his hotel room with either Baekhyun, Chanyeol or Minseok. He’s a little glad he gets Chanyeol this time because it will be easier to kick him out of the room at night. He’d feel bad kicking out Minseok, and Baekhyun would never let him hear the end of it. He knows Chanyeol will complain, but he’ll forget about it the next day.

When they get to their room, Jongdae can tell Chanyeol is distracted because he’s frowning at his phone and that’s usually his favourite thing—Jongdae and Baekhyun always joke that Chanyeol’s real #1 soulmate is his phone.

“What’s wrong?” Jongdae asks from where he’s looking through his suitcase for the snacks he had tossed in when he was packing.

“What’s going on with you and Jongin?”

Jongdae pauses for a second before he peeks his head out from behind his suitcase. “What?”

Chanyeol is making that face he makes when he can’t figure out how he feels about something. “I didn’t realize you two were close.”

Jongdae wants to laugh because Chanyeol sounds jealous. He’s not sure if Chanyeol is jealous of Jongin—because he’s always possessive about Jongdae and Baekhyun and Kyungsoo—or if he’s jealous of Jongdae.

“Don’t worry,” Jongdae says, returning to his search. “I’m not going to fight you for the title of Kai’s number one fan.”

“Of course not. I can’t be surpassed as Kai’s true fan. But Jongin’s number one fan though…”

Jongdae smiles when he sees a package of cookies and grabs them. “Shut up,” he says, closing his suitcase.

Chanyeol’s face seems to have picked an emotion because he’s grinning wide. “Do you like him?”

Jongdae knows his ears are turning red the way they do when he’s flustered. He attempts to shove a whole cookie into his mouth to avoid answering for as long as possible, but Chanyeol is too quick and he grabs the cookie out of his hand.

“One day you and Baekhyun are going to tell me who thought of this tactic. Although the fact that you’re resorting to this is sort of an answer.” When Jongdae just glares at him, Chanyeol petulantly says, “You know who I like.”

“Because you’re obvious,” Jongdae mutters. “You practically have hearts in your eyes.”

“So does Jongin,” Chanyeol says smugly.

“I’m going to choke you with cookies in your sleep.”

“Because death by cookie is such an awful way to die,” Chanyeol says, smirking. “Come on, tell me. It’s just a yes or no question.”

“Maybe,” Jongdae forces out.

“So yes,” Chanyeol crows, his grin getting even wider. “Why didn’t you tell us? Then I wouldn’t have to listen to Baekhyun complaining about how Jongin is always shoving him away when he tries to talk to you.”

Jongdae manages to shove a cookie in his mouth this time.

Chanyeol scoffs. “So petty.”









Jongdae blinks when he turns the lights off. The room is completely dark and he can barely make out anything. “I didn’t think this idea through,” he laughs. “I can’t see anything.”

A light turns on in their makeshift fort and Jongin sticks his head out, holding his phone in his hand. “Better?”

Jongdae grins as he follows the light and crawls back into the pillow fort they built earlier.

“Do you think room service is annoyed with us for asking for so many pillows?” Jongin grabs a pillow for his head and gets comfortable on the floor.

“Probably.” Jongdae laughs. “They probably think we’re spoiled idols and need a million pillows to sleep.” He gets down beside Jongin, nudging him slightly to share the pillow even though they have more pillows.

“We should name our fort,” Jongin says thoughtfully. “The great castle of…”

“Camelot?”

Jongin scrunches his face. “What’s Camelot?”

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Maybe you should read more since you’re up all night. What about Hogwarts? Do you know what that is?”

“I don’t live under a rock,” Jongin says, bumping his shoulder. “We’re not naming it that. Hogwarts. What kind of name is that for an impenetrable fort?”

Jongdae snorts. “Our fort is made out of pillows, I hardly think it’s impenetrable.”

“Impenetrable,” Jongin repeats more firmly. “I proclaim this the most Prestigious and Elite Fort of Porong Porong!”

Jongdae laughs loudly. “You can’t name it after the forest where Pororo lives!”

“Too late,” Jongin says, “it has been proclaimed.”

“You’re such a cheater,” Jongdae complains.

“You can be the prince of the fort.”

“I don’t want to be prince of some place called Porong Porong.”

“How dare you.” Jongin nudges him hard in the ribs. “You should be exiled.”

“I built it!”

“Fine fine. The people of Fort Porong Porong show great mercy and pardon your mockery.” Jongin laughs when Jongdae shoves him in retaliation. “It’s a nice fort,” he says when they lapse into silence.

Jongdae hums in agreement. The light on Jongin’s phone is still on and it’s casting shadows on the blanket that makes the ceiling of their fort.

Jongin sees it too. “Look.” He sticks up the index and middle fingers of his right hand and lets the rest of his fingers meet with his thumb. “A bunny.” He moves his hand in small movements. “It’s hopping.”

Jongdae laughs before he intertwines both his thumbs and holds his hands up. “Bats!” He wriggles his fingers and moves closer to Jongin’s bunny.

Jongin makes a displeased sound. “Bunnies don’t like bats.”

Jongdae just snickers. “Hop away, little bunny,” he says, deepening his voice as he moves his bat even closer. It chases the bunny for a few seconds before he swoops in and encloses Jongin’s hand with both of his.

“That’s cheating!” Jongin curls his trapped hand into a fist and breaks himself free.

“That’s for hijacking the naming of our fort,” Jongdae says, pulling his hands away.

“Fine,” Jongin concedes before holding his hands up again. He casts Jongdae a look. “Don’t eat my animals again.”

Jongdae smirks. “I promise.”

Jongin curves his left hand until his fingers are facing down and holds up the right hand close to the curve of his left arm, spreading out his fingers.

Jongdae’s eyebrows knit together. “What’s the supposed to be?” He laughs when Jongin starts making loud obnoxious honking noises as a hint. “What is that? A goose?”

“A swan!” Jongin says sounding offended.

Jongdae bursts into laughter. “Swans are supposed to be graceful!”

“This swan prince is graceful as fuck,” Jongin argues, making the feathers ruffle. “Go on. Let’s see what you can do.”

Jongdae presses the fingers of both his hands together before he folds his index fingers over each other and sticks his thumbs out slightly.

Jongin laughs when he holds it up. “A wolf?”

“Yeah, you stick to your graceful swans. I’m a predator.”

Jongin laughs even harder when Jongdae starts singing the lyrics to their song. “Stop, don’t!” He tries to nudge him to make him stop but that only makes Jongdae sing louder. “You’re so embarrassing. Stop.”

Jongdae raises his eyebrows but he just continues to sing, so Jongin joins him, in between giggles, when he gets to the chorus and he can’t breathe by the time they end with the howl.

“You’re so embarrassing!” Jongin punches him on the arm.

Jongdae moves his wolf so the snout isn’t pointing upwards. “Your turn,” he says, nudging the empty space on their makeshift ceiling.

Jongin is busy moving his fingers and when he holds his hand up, Jongdae narrows his eyes.

“That looks like a wolf,” Jongdae says crossly.

“It’s a dog,” Jongin says. “We can’t play if you don’t understand the intricate art of shadow puppets.” He makes pathetic panting noises and moves his dog closer to Jongdae’s wolf. “Look, he likes you.” He puckers his own lips and makes kissing sounds as his dog nudges Jongdae’s wolf.

Jongdae laughs but Jongin keeps making kissing noises so he gives in and nudges his wolf over and makes a kissing sound in return. He’s about to move his hand away when Jongin grabs it and uses it to yank Jongdae towards him so they’re face to face.

Jongdae almost jerks away because he’s not used to being this close to him, but Jongin is holding on to his shirt, keeping him still. He doesn’t say anything, just studies Jongdae’s face. They’re so close that Jongdae can feel where Jongin’s eyes land on his face.

“Jongdae.”

“Yeah?”

Jongin gives him a little smile. “Jongdae,” he just says again.

Jongdae returns the smile. “Jongin.”









“Okay.” Jongin struggles to put on a straight face and he kicks at Jongdae’s ankle lightly. “Stop laughing. This is a very serious astronomy lesson.” They both go through a few more giggles before they manage to quiet down.

“Okay,” Jongin starts again. “See that cluster of stars over there?” They both have to squint because even though it’s past one in the morning, there are still too many streetlights. Jongdae’s eyes manage to follow Jongin’s hand to where he’s pointing. “That’s the constellation of Monggu.”

Jongdae snorts. “You can’t name a bunch of stars after your dog!”

“Excuse me,” Jongin says indignantly. “You named a bunch of stars the Endowment of Kim Jongdae.” He cuts off Jongdae’s snickering when he adds, “It’s a very tiny cluster.”

“It was the biggest one at the time.” Jongdae shifts until their knees are pressed together. “Look. That cluster should be the Exo constellation.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because count them, stupid.”

“There’s no need to be so hostile.” Jongin quietly counts the stars, laughing quietly when he finishes. “Those three over there that are close together should be you, Chanyeol and Baekhyun.”

Jongdae’s tilts his head. “Yeah, that one in the centre of those stars should be Baekhyun. It looks like it’s a pain in the ass to the other stars.”

Jongin laughs.

“That one star that’s slightly above the other stars should be Junmyeon,” Jongdae says. He raises an eyebrow when he catches Jongin smiling at him. “What?”

“You’re cute,” Jongin says.

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Don’t waste my time telling me things I already know.” He gestures to their newest cluster. “Which one’s the Jongin star?”

Jongin shrugs. “Which one are you in that three star cluster? I guess the Jongin star would be the one next to yours.”

“No.” Jongdae moves his finger over to the left. “That one that’s close to the centre. It’s the brightest one.” He smiles when he looks over. “Like you. The brightest of us all.”

“I don’t want to be the brightest one,” Jongin says. “That should be you.”

Jongdae makes a face. “Don’t be dumb, Jongin. No one thinks I’m the brightest star.” It comes out sounding more depressing and heavier than he intends it to and Jongin falls quiet at that. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound—”

“I do,” Jongin says quietly.

Jongdae feels his face heat up and he looks away because he’s not sure what he’s supposed to say to that.

“Did I make things weird?”

“No,” Jongdae says honestly. “I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to say when someone says they think I’m a bright star.”

“Excuse me. I said the brightest star. Stupid.”

Jongdae laughs, glad that Jongin has lightened the mood again. “Okay. Fine, the brightest star. Whatever.” He huffs and shoves his hands up the sleeves of the hoodie that Jongin is wearing this time.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to steal some body warmth,” Jongdae says.

“Really?” Jongin slides his hands up to Jongdae’s elbows and drags him forward. “Because it sounds more like you’re trying to call in some snuggling time.”

Jongdae sneers. “You can’t handle my cuddling.”

Jongin laughs before he pulls his arms free and wrestles Jongdae until his back is pressed against his chest.

Jongdae huffs again, but he leans back and pulls Jongin’s arms around him. “Which one is your favourite?” he asks, placing his hands over Jongin’s, intertwining their fingers. “I like the Exo one.”

“Really?” Jongin’s voice is low near his ear and it makes Jongdae want to press in even closer to him. “Not the Endowment of Kim Jongdae?”

Jongdae laughs. “Nah, that one doesn’t have the Jongin star.”

“Or the Jongdae star,” Jongin counters, squeezing Jongdae’s hands before he pulls one of them free.

Jongdae ignores him. “So which one is your favourite?” he asks again.

Jongin doesn’t answer and Jongdae lets it drop because he likes their silences, they’re comfortable. Jongin’s fingers are trailing down the side of his face and Jongdae hums in contentment, closing his eyes.

“This one.”

Jongdae opens his eyes and turns his head slightly. “What?” he asks, confused.

“This one,” Jongin says, tapping his fingers lightly along Jongdae’s temple, and he realizes Jongin is tracing a line with the beauty marks on his face. “My favourite constellation.”

Jongdae scoffs. “You’re so lame,” he mumbles, turning away to lean his head on Jongin’s shoulder.

Jongin snickers and brings his hand down and slips it back under Jongdae’s, pushing his fingers through. “You think it’s cute.”

“No, I don’t. You’re gross.”

“You named a star after me.”

“So did you!”

Jongin laughs before he presses his face next to Jongdae’s. “Jongdae.”

Jongdae’s eyes are closed but he can still feel the slight shift of Jongin’s shoulder, he knows he’s smiling. Jongdae finds himself smiling at how familiar this has become for them. “Jongin.”










Since Jongdae is usually the one buying him food whenever they do a late night convenience store runs, Jongin finally reciprocates when it’s his turn to drag Jongdae out to the park again. He buys Jongdae strawberry milk and the weird cream puff cookies that he likes so much.

They end up sprawled out on the grass, after Jongdae vetoes the jungle gym since he had almost fallen off the last time they were there. Jongin doesn’t mind. He prefers stretching out on the grass with Jongdae beside him.

“You know how you asked me what I did to fall asleep before I started spending my nights with you?”

Jongin is in the middle of idly tracing out circles on the palm of Jongdae’s left hand, so he doesn’t say anything. He knows Jongdae knows he’s listening.

“I used to sleep with Yixing sometimes.” Jongdae says. He scoffs when Jongin freezes for a brief second. “Not like that.”

Jongin just shrugs and squeezes Jongdae’s hand lightly.

“I thought it would help me sleep,” Jongdae continues. “It didn’t. I liked listening to him breathe though.” He laughs. “Does that sound weird? I just liked how steady it was. It didn’t help me sleep but it made me feel calmer.”

“Not weird,” Jongin says. He moves his hand until his fingers disappear under the sleeve of the hoodie that apparently belongs to both of them now. He stops when he reaches the inside of Jongdae’s wrist. “I used to like feeling Sehun’s pulse. But he got irritated pretty quickly so his pulse would get off kilter.” He presses down on Jongdae’s wrist and hums, like he’s pleased.

“Heartbeats,” Jongdae says. “That works too. Listening to heartbeats when a person is calm.”

“Sehun couldn’t deal with my hand on his wrist, what do you think he’d do if I tried to feel his heartbeat?” Jongin laughs softly, brushing his fingertips along the inside of Jongdae’s wrist before he moves them back to that spot where he can feel the steady strum of his pulse. He doesn’t bother asking whose heartbeat Jongdae has been feeling because he’s already annoyed at the thought, he doesn’t want a name.

He’s still only half-surprised when Jongdae turns to him and reaches out with his free hand to rest it on Jongin’s chest. He keeps shifting it around until he stops right over where Jongin’s heart is.

“It can’t be beating very steady right now,” Jongin says. How come Jongdae’s pulse is so constant and steady, when he knows his heart is doing stupid things?

Jongdae glances up from where he had been looking at his hand on Jongin’s chest. “It’s a little fast,” he says, smiling. He has a million different kinds of smiles and Jongin likes every version of it, but this soft one he’s giving Jongin now is his favourite. “But the rhythm’s still steady.”

Jongin doesn’t think he’s been this close to Jongdae’s face before. “I can’t sleep because I’m homesick,” he blurts out because he doesn’t want to do anything stupid that will make Jongdae move away. He feels stupid though, because he’s never told anyone why he has trouble sleeping.

Jongdae’s eyebrows shoot up. “Still?” He shifts closer and Jongin isn’t sure if that’s better or worse because he’s so close.

“Yeah.” Jongin turns his face away to stare at the sky. “I know it’s stupid. But it’s too quiet at night. I don’t think about it when we’re practicing or performing because it’s so busy. And I like that we have so many members, you know? It’s always loud and I don’t think about how homesick I am. But at night, everyone’s asleep and it’s so quiet. And I just miss home, my bed doesn’t feel right and I just feel restless and displaced.”

“It’s not stupid,” Jongdae says quietly. “Jongin—”

“Don’t,” Jongin says, closing his eyes. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I just wanted to tell you. Don’t tell anyone, okay?”

“Okay.” Jongdae frees his wrist from Jongin’s grasp so he can hold his hand instead.

They fall quiet and Jongin is sure he can feel the embarrassment right down to his bones.

Jongdae speaks up suddenly, his voice changed. “Ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?”

Jongin opens his eyes and turns to Jongdae, puzzled. “What?”

Jongdae’s eyes are fixed on the sky. “Pumbaa,” he says, his voice getting higher. “I don’t wonder, I know.”

Jongin blinks. “What are you doing?”

“They’re fireflies,” Jongdae continues. “Fireflies that uh…got stuck up in that big…bluish-black…thing.” He switches his voice to the first one. “Oh gee, I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.”

Jongin laughs when he figures out what Jongdae’s doing. “Pumbaa,” he joins in. “With you, everything’s gas.”

Jongdae turns to him, and smiles. “Simba, what do you think?”

Jongin has to struggle to remember the lines. “Well, somebody once told me that the great kings of the past are up there, watching over us.”

Jongdae raises an eyebrow. “Your Disney reciting skills are sub par,” he whispers before switching into his Timon voice. “You mean a bunch of royal dead guys are watching us?”

Jongin laughs before he leans in and he’s right in Jongdae’s face. “Thanks,” he says, before he leans in and presses his lips against Jongdae’s softly.










Yixing usually sleeps through the night but when Jongdae slips into their room later that night, he leans up on his elbows, blinking sleepily.

“Where’d you go?” He sends Jongdae a tired smile. “I thought maybe you fell asleep in the living room again, but when I went to check if you had a blanket you weren’t there.”

Jongdae smiles as he drops down on Yixing’s bed. “Thanks,” he says, shifting when Yixing makes more room for him. “Late night run to the convenience store.”

Yixing looks concerned at this. “Alone?”

“With Jongin.”

Yixing seems confused and Jongdae knows if it was anyone else, they would have asked about Jongin’s increased presence around them, but he just gives him another tired smile. “Wanna sleep with me?”

Jongdae shakes his head. “I’m okay tonight.” Yixing can always fall back to sleep easily, so Jongdae assumes he’s asleep by the time he gets comfortable in his own bed.

He pulls the hood over his head and he’s pleased that it’s little too big for him because it makes it easier to pull it over his jaw.

“So. Jongin, huh?”

Jongdae closes his eyes, smiling. “Yeah,” he says. Jongin.











“I’m tired.”

Jongdae looks over and Jongin has his eyes closed. This is new. They’ve both fallen asleep at the same time but neither of them have been just tired before. He isn’t really surprised. They’ve had a pretty busy day in between flying to Changsha and having to film Happy Camp as soon as they landed.

“You should go to bed.”

Jongin opens an eye to scoff at him. “No, we do this together, I’m not leaving you alone.”

Jongdae laughs before he turns on his side. “You should sleep if you’re tired,” he says, reaching out to smooth out Jongin’s eyebrows.

“I’m always tired.” Jongin takes Jongdae’s hand and brings it to his mouth so he can press his lips to the palm of his hand.

“You’re so gross.”

Jongin opens both his eyes when he hears Jongdae yawn. “You’re tired.”

“It’s because of your dumb sleepy face,” Jongdae says, punching him on the arm.

Jongin grins and turns on his side to face him. He runs his fingers along Jongdae’s jawline, studying him as if he’s trying to figure something out. “Turn around.”

Jongdae raises an eyebrow. “No.”

Jongin shoves him on the shoulder. “Just do it.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “No.”

Jongin tries to roll over on top of him but Jongdae has always been stronger than he looks so he manages to hold Jongin off by his shoulders, before he rolls on top of him, pinning Jongin on his back, holding his wrists up by his head.

“Why exactly are you trying to get me to turn around?” he demands, one knee digging just under Jongin’s ribcage.

“What did you think I was going to do?”

Jongdae glares at him. “Spoon.”

Jongin laughs and lets his arms go lax so Jongdae releases his wrists. “What’s so bad about that? You like cuddling.”

“You think I don’t know when someone’s trying to little spoon me?” Jongdae leans in close, too close, but Jongin’s not entirely surprised when Jongdae leans in past his mouth and to his ear. “I am no one’s little spoon.”

Jongin grunts before he shoves Jongdae off. “So what? I’m supposed to be the little spoon? I’m bigger.”

“I’m older.”

“That doesn’t matter! Age doesn’t count when it comes to the rules of spooning! Aesthetics matter.”

“Aesthetics!” Jongdae smacks him right in the sternum, knocking the breath out of him. “I am a very attractive big spoon, asshole. I would big spoon anyone in this dorm.”

Jongin snorts. “Even Chanyeol?”

Jongdae glowers at him. “Especially Chanyeol.”

“Yeah, well, you’re going to have to fight me if you think I’m going to be another little spoon notch in your big spoon belt.”

Jongdae gives him a puzzled look like he doesn’t know if he wants to laugh at him or hit him again. Jongin uses this bemusement to his advantage and shoves Jongdae down on his back again.

He goes down a little too hard and Jongin thinks he may have actually heard his back hit the floor. He catches the wince on Jongdae’s face. “Sorry, too rough,” he says, pushing himself up with his hands flat on the ground.

Jongdae smirks and Jongin wonders if he’s allowed to kiss the smirks off Jongdae’s face now, wonders if he can kiss him—really kiss him—and see if he tastes like he’s made up of constellations inside just like he is on the outside.

“No, my back’s just sore from Happy Camp.”

Jongin frowns and remembers all the tumbles Jongdae had taken. He tries to figure out exactly which fall would have hurt him because there were a few but he had been close to the ground for most of them. “Let me see,” he says, sitting up.

Jongdae makes a face from where he’s still laying on the floor. “It’s not a big deal,” he says. “It just hurt a little when my back hit the floor.”

Jongin pulls him up so he’s sitting too and Jongdae glares at him before he turns around. He doesn’t seem like he’s about to do anything else so Jongin gently pushes his shirt up. He hears Jongdae draw in a breath but he doesn’t say anything.

“You have a bruise,” Jongin says unhappily. He tries not to think about how pretty the purple and blue look against Jongdae’s skin because it looks painful.

“Two actually,” Jongdae says. “It’s fine. I bruise easily but they heal fast too.”

Like you, Jongin thinks, but he doesn’t say it out loud. He pushes Jongdae’s shirt further up his back, trying to ignore the tingling in his fingertips when they brush against bare skin.

This is all skin that he’s seen before. But he’s never seen it up close and he’s never wanted to touch it before. So he does. His fingers press against the bruise near Jongdae’s shoulder blade. He doesn’t know why he does it, he knows it’s probably the bruise that had hit the floor.

“Sorry,” he says when Jongdae whimpers at the pain.

“You don’t sound very sorry,” Jongdae says, but he’s laughing and it makes the muscles in his back move. Jongin never knew that skin stretched out over bones and muscle could be so fascinating.

“No, I am.” Jongin brushes his fingers over the bruise again but he doesn’t press in.

Jongdae has even more beauty marks on his back and Jongin is going to learn about real stars because he swears there are constellations hidden on Jongdae’s skin and he wants to find all of them.

“Jongdae.”

“Yeah?” Jongdae’s voice sounds strained like he knows what Jongin is about to do.

“Don’t freak out.”

Jongdae nods. “I won’t.”

Jongin scoots further back and he leans in close, close enough to smell the soap on Jongdae’s skin, close enough to see how tight Jongdae is holding himself because he’s waiting.

“Jongin. Just. Do something.”

“Okay,” Jongin says quietly, fingers lightly brushing around the bruise before he closes the distance and presses his lips against the sore skin.

Jongdae lets out a shaky breath but he relaxes under Jongin’s touch now.

Jongin pauses because he knows he should move away now but he’s not done. This isn’t enough.

So he presses one more kiss to the bruise before he trails smaller kisses across Jongdae’s back until he reaches the nape of his neck at the top of his spine.

“Jongdae.” He reaches around with his free hand and Jongdae laces their fingers together. “Okay?”

Jongdae hums in reply, before he tilts his head to the side. And now there’s even more exposed skin for Jongin, but he just presses a quick kiss to the side of Jongdae’s neck and moves back to the top of his spine.

One last kiss to the top of his spine before he moves down. He lets his lips slide over the bumps of Jongdae’s spine. When he reaches the base, Jongdae’s muscles tighten again.

Jongin looks up and Jongdae is hanging his head now and he wonders if he’s allowed to do more. He’s not even sure what more is.

He pauses, fixates on the beauty mark sitting right above the base of his spine before he leans in and licks it.

Jongdae squeezes his hand tight and Jongin takes that as a sign that this is okay.

This is backwards, Jongin thinks, bracing a hand on Jongdae’s shoulder before he licks into the dips of his vertebrae. They haven’t even had a proper kiss yet, and he’s already getting his tongue acquainted with the rest of Jongdae’s body.









When K flies back to Seoul, Jongin ends up sprawled out on the floor, in the living room, next to Sehun after Junmyeon kicks them both out of the room he shares with Sehun. He had been apologetic about it but he insists that while the two of them can afford to stay up all night and steal naps during the day, he doesn’t get the same luxury.

Jongin supposes it speaks to their friendship when Sehun dutifully follows Jongin out into his living room banishment, pillows in his arms and blanket trailing behind.

Sehun is his best friend and before Jongdae, if he’s having a bad night, Jongin knows he can count on Sehun to attempt to keep him company, but Jongin knows he’s struggling to stay awake for him.

“Sorry,” Jongin says. “I shouldn’t be keeping you up.”

“Shut up,” Sehun says. “We’re just laying here. Just keep talking. I’m listening.”

Jongin stays quiet because he’s trying to pick out a coherent thought out of the jumble of thoughts going through his mind. Finally he just blurts out, “Isn’t love supposed to be sudden?”

Sehun’s eyes open wide and he turns his head towards Jongin. “Where is this coming from?”

Jongin shrugs. “I’m just saying. Love is supposed to be this big realization, right?”

“I guess. Is this about Jongdae?”

Jongin ignores his question. “So when you like someone, you’re supposed to be able to tell when exactly you started liking them, right?”

“Sometimes?”

“What if you can’t pinpoint it? What if it feels like nothing has changed—you’re just hanging out with this person—”

“Jongdae,” Sehun fills in helpfully.

“Sehun.” Jongin glares at him. “So you’re just hanging out with this person and laughing with them and you’re just thinking, ‘This is nice. It’s nice hanging out with—this person.’”

“Jongdae.”

“—and maybe it’s more than just nice? And you realize that maybe you like them, and you’re just…there.”

“There?” Sehun raises an eyebrow.

“There,” Jongin repeats. “You’re already at that place where you really like this person—”

“Jongdae.”

“Stop it,” Jongin complains, kicking at one of his ankles.

“You stop. Of course you’re talking about Jongdae, it’s not like you’ve been hanging out with anyone else lately.”

“Fine. Jongdae.”

“See.” Sehun looks smug. “Was that so hard? I don’t know what your problem is. It’s just me. I don’t care who you like.”

“But aren’t you supposed to realize when you’re falling for someone? Isn’t it weird to just already be there when you didn’t even know you were…travelling there?”

Sehun laughs. “You are so lucky I understand what you’re saying, I swear, Jongin, your conversational skills get worse everyday.” He laughs some more and rolls away when Jongin tries to hit him. “Okay, stop, stop.” He stills Jongin’s hands before he pushes them away. “I don’t think there’s a right way to fall in love. Sometimes it takes an epiphany but it doesn’t always have to be sucker punch to the face. Sometimes it’s easier. It’s usually not a conscious thing. People don’t choose to fall in love with someone, it just happens.”

Jongin wrinkles his nose. “You’re cheesy.”

“Why?” Sehun laughs. “Because I don’t think falling in love involves one specific moment where you go, ‘Wow, I love you’? Isn’t it better when it’s easier? When you just reach that level of being comfortable with each other without even thinking about it?”

Jongin gives him a strange look. “Who do you like?”

Sehun rolls his eyes. “No one, I’m just smarter than you.”









“Mulan’s dad is so great.” Jongdae glances at his phone when he doesn’t get a reply, but the call is still going on. “Jongin?” He thinks he hears a sniffle and he grins. “Are you crying?”

“Can you not?” Jongin complains. “You’re ruining the moment.”

“How can you already be crying? This is only the beginning,” Jongdae says, trying to stifle his snickering.

“It’s sad,” Jongin insists. “Mulan was so worried about upsetting her father but he’s being so nice.”

Jongdae stretches out on the couch and settles the laptop on his stomach. “I bet you’re going to be such a mess when all of China bows down to her later.”

“You don’t get to make fun of me when you abandoned me to jet off to Beijing,” Jongin says.

“You abandoned me too. You went back to Seoul.”

“Mutual abandonment,” Jongin offers. “We both suck.”

Jongdae laughs, before he turns to the screen and sees Mulan’s father walk over to receive his scroll. He can’t help his snicker when Jongin lets out a sad sigh when Mulan is told off. “Baby.”

“Why couldn’t we have watched a happier movie?” Jongin says. “This is so sad and you’re not even here to—” He stops short and Jongdae grins.

“To what?” Jongdae asks sweetly. “Cuddle with? Would you be crying into my shoulder if I was there?”

“What are you wearing?”

Jongdae freezes. “What? Are you trying to start phone sex? On Disney night? In the middle of Mulan?”

“No, I’m just—”

“Dishonour!” Jongdae sits up, shifting his laptop on to his knees. “Dishonour on your whole family! Dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow!”

“Stop,” Jongin laughs on the other end. “Stop. I just meant…”

“What?” Jongdae prompts. When Jongin doesn’t say anything, he says, “I’m wearing your hoodie. And sweatpants. Very unsexy. And it’s cold. I’m not taking off any clothes. Especially when someone might walk in on me. With Mulan on. They’d think I was jerking off to—ugh, I can’t even complete that sentence. And anyway, we haven’t even really kissed yet. I’m not—”

“I was just wondering where the hoodie was,” Jongin cuts in. “It’s not with me, and I didn’t see you wear it while I was still over there. I thought you may have left it in your dorm.”

“Oh.” Jongdae snuggles into the hoodie’s warmth. “Nope, sorry, I have it.”

“Jerk,” Jongin says fondly. “Abandonment and you couldn’t even leave me the hoodie.”

Jongdae watches the screen and they’re already at the scene where Mulan is entering the camp for the first time. “Jongin.”

“Jongdae.”

Jongdae frowns. “No, I’m not playing. Jongin.”

“Yeah?”

“When are we going to kiss? You have a nice mouth.”

“I already kissed you.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes. “No, I mean really kiss. That can’t be all you’ve got. My spinal cord has gotten more action from you than I have.”

Jongin laughs. “I would have kissed you but Tao interrupted us when he knocked on the door.”

“Stupid Tao,” Jongdae says without any heat to it. He feels silly all of a sudden. “I’m not waiting around for you to kiss me or anything. I’m not just waiting for you to make the first move. I’d do it but sometimes I’m not sure what you want.”

“I thought that was obvious when I specifically used the word ‘third-wheeling’ when Kyungsoo rudely decided to join us that one night. And I kissed you.”

“That was a thank you kiss,” Jongdae argues. “Because you were all…having feelings.”

Jongin laughs. “I like you, okay? Is that clear enough?”

Jongdae feels his smile spreading out across his face. “Well, why wouldn’t you? I’m everyone’s favourite.” he says, pulling the collar of the hoodie up to his chin.

“Yes,” Jongin agrees, even though his tone sounds patronizing. “But only I get all the kisses.”

Jongdae grins smugly. “All the kisses,” he promises.









Jongin is huddled under a blanket while he talks to Jongdae as they both watch Mulan. He glances at the time when he hears Jongdae yawn. It’s past 4 in Seoul, which means it must be just past 3 for Jongdae. “Do you want to continue tomorrow night?”

Jongdae scoffs. “No, it’s only 3 over here. And my solo is coming up.”

Jongin watches as Shang ties the two discs around Yao’s wrists. “You’re such a loser.”

“This is the best Disney song ever,” Jongdae says. “I would sing this for my solo during our concerts if they’d let me.”

“I don’t think I’ll Make a Man Out of You would have the same effect on the fans as rocker Chen does,” Jongin snickers.

Jongdae ignores him because the song has already started. “Let’s get down to business! To defeat the huns! Did they send me daughters! When I asked for sons!”

Jongin laughs quietly as he sits back and listens to Jongdae sing. He has a nice voice—he’s always had a nice voice and it keeps getting better with every comeback. It sounds just as nice over the phone, even if he’s singing a Disney song.

He loves how much Jongdae loves singing. He knows it’s one of the things that Jongdae is confident about. Jongin loves how Jongdae trusts himself, trusts in his abilities, to reach for the most ridiculous notes—both high and low—and it almost always pays off. Sometimes Jongdae hits a certain note, and he makes it looks so easy, like he’s not even trying. He knows Jongdae worries that one day he won’t be able to sing as well as he does now, but Jongin can’t ever imagine that there will come a day when he’ll listen to Jongdae sing and he won’t feel amazed.

“Jongin, help me with the ad-libs,” Jongdae says, before he continues. “You’re a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven’t got a clue!”

“I don’t know the lines!”

“You don’t even deserve to have Disney nights,” Jongdae huffs. “I’m never gonna catch my breath.” He switches the tone of his voice. “Say goodbye to those who knew me.”

“What’s going on?”

Jongin turns away from Mulan and sees Kyungsoo rubbing his eyes sleepily. “Movie date night,” he says, gesturing at the phone. “You’re not invited this time.”

Kyungsoo stares at the phone. “Movie date—” He rolls his eyes. “You’re on the phone with Jongdae?”

“Is that resident ruiner of all things fun, Do Kyungsoo?” Jongdae asks over the phone.

“Seriously?” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “The two of you can’t make it one night without each other? You have serious co-dependency issues.”

“Excuse me,” Jongdae says indignantly. “Jongin, please inform Kyungsoo that I’m in the middle of a very important solo so can he just go relieve his tiny bladder and go back to bed?”

Jongin looks at Kyungsoo pointedly. “You heard him.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “I can’t believe how ridiculous the two of you are,” he says, before he leaves Jongin alone.

“The song’s over,” Jongdae complains.

Jongin grabs his remote. “Start over?”










Jongdae finds Jongin in the practice room after M returns from Beijing. He had to duck out while Baekhyun was complaining about how he never spends time with them anymore, but Jongdae has business to get to. He can pacify Chanyeol and Baekhyun later.

He can tell by Jongin’s movements that he’s going through his routine for What is Love. “Is it a lot of fun dancing with a hat?” Jongdae asks from the doorway.

Jongin looks away from the snapback he’s holding in his hand, and he smiles when he sees Jongdae. “It’s okay,” he says, tossing it to the side. “It’s a lot more fun dancing with a person though.” He raises an eyebrow at him suggestively. “Come here.”

“Subtle,” Jongdae says, but he walks over towards him anyway.

Jongin smiles just a little wider when he’s close enough. “Hi.”

“Did you miss me?” Jongdae asks, grinning back.

“Stupid questions don’t deserve answers,” Jongin says, manhandling him until he’s facing one of the mirrored walls.

“What are you doing?”

“Dancing.” Jongin pretends he’s holding a remote in his hand and points it at Jongdae’s reflection in the mirror. “Play.”

Jongdae snorts. “What? You want me to sing?”

Jongin takes a step forward so his front is pressed up against his back. “Is that a problem, main vocalist, Kim Jongdae?” he asks, reaching out to straighten Jongdae’s shoulders.

Jongdae hums, more out of the contentment he feels at having Jongin pressed up so close to him after being away for four days.

“Volume up please,” Jongin says, leaning in to brush his lips behind Jongdae’s ear.

“This is so lame,” Jongdae mutters. He starts singing What is Love, despite the fact that the back of his neck feels too hot. He doesn’t embarrass easily, especially when he’s singing but then Jongin runs a hand down his chest, and he falters and his voice cracks.

“What’s wrong?” Jongin asks, his hand resting low on Jongdae’s stomach.

“You’re distracting me.”

Jongin smirks, and it looks like exactly like the smirk he has in the teaser video. Jongdae wants whack it right off his face. “This is the choreography though,” he says, his fingers dipping underneath the hem of Jongdae’s shirt. “Should we start again?”

Jongdae isn’t sure how this can be the exact same person who had teared up at Mulan just a few days ago. “Okay,” he grumbles, and he almost squeaks out loud when Jongin moves his hand to its starting place but he moves it up under Jongdae’s shirt this time.

“Start,” Jongin says, pressing himself even closer.

Jongdae struggles to remember the rest of Jongin’s choreography for the song because his hand gets too low when Jongin trails his fingers back down his chest this time. He’s a little relieved when Jongin pulls his hand away and he figures that’s all the participation he requires from Jongdae.

It’s a lot easier to sing when he’s just watching Jongin dance.

Watching Jongin dance always feels like watching something special, even if he’s seen him dance this choreography a thousand times. His face gets so different when he’s really into it, and Jongdae loves how much Jongin loves dancing. He loves listening to him talk about how important it is for him, how Jongin says it’s one of the things that anchors him because it’s something that always comforts him.

Jongin says dancing is both easy and hard—easy, because it’s something that comes to him naturally, and hard, because he feels the need to constantly push himself to be better. He says he doesn’t know what he’ll do when he reaches his peak, but Jongdae doesn’t know how this can be possible because when Jongin dances, he looks like he’s limitless.

Jongdae blinks when he feels Jongin’s hand run down his arm. He almost cracks again, but he catches himself in time, and Jongin smiles like he’s pleased Jongdae manages to keep singing.

Jongin’s hand travels down to his and he lifts it to move Jongdae’s arm around his neck. Jongdae knows what’s coming but his voice still wavers when Jongin spins him around to face him.

“You stopped,” Jongin says, his hand resting on the small of Jongdae’s back.

They’re too close now and all Jongdae can think about is how he’s glad Jongin isn’t that much taller than him. “I forgot the words,” he says.

Jongin’s lips curve up into a small smile. “You forgot the words? You and Kyungsoo are always singing this. Isn’t this basically your warm up song?”

“You make my brain all loopy,” Jongdae says crossly. He catches Jongin glancing down at their feet. “What?”

Jongin smirks. “Trying to figure out if you’re going to have to get up on your tiptoes when I kiss you,” he says, pulling Jongdae in closer.

Jongdae jabs him hard on the shoulder. “Who says I’m going to let you kiss me now?” he says, even as he brings his left arm to join his right one around Jongin’s neck. “After you made me forget all the words to our song.”

Jongin’s smirk has disappeared, he’s smiling now. “You know I missed you, right?”

Jongdae returns his smile. He almost makes an offhanded comment, but instead he just slides his fingers into Jongin’s hair. “I missed you too,” he says, before he leans in to kiss him. It’s too soft, it’s almost a non-kiss, but Jongdae can still feel his skin prickling. He pouts when Jongin pulls away. “Weak.”

“Excuse me. That was all you,” Jongin says, pressing down on the small of Jongdae’s back to push him forward into another kiss. Jongdae pulls his arms tighter around his neck as he pushes himself up onto his toes and angles into the kiss. Jongin’s tongue traces over his teeth before he pulls on Jongdae's lower lip and gently bites down.

Jongin’s fingers dig into his hipbones and Jongdae feels like all his nerve signals are going haywire as Jongin slows down and licks at the roof of his mouth.

“I can’t believe you made me wait so long for that,” Jongdae says, when they break apart.

Jongin grins before he casts a look down again. “You’re on your toes,” he says, laughing softly. Jongdae opens his mouth to say something, but Jongin doesn’t wait to hear what it is. He pushes Jongdae up against the mirror and kisses him again.








“Is there a reason you’re staring?” Jongdae asks Kyungsoo tiredly.

They’re filming for a commercial and they’re waiting around for their individual shots. Jongdae had been watching Jongin’s takes, idly wondering how it was so easy for him, when modelling for things was one of the hardest things about being an idol for Jongdae. He knows he’s too stiff and he still hasn’t figured out a way to loosen up. But then Kyungsoo had sat down next to him and just stared.

“I’m waiting for your boyfriend to finish,” Kyungsoo says.

Jongdae rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue. Kyungsoo stops staring for the two minutes that it takes Jongin to finish filming his part.

“How did I do?” Jongin asks, nudging Jongdae over so he can sit beside him.

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo says, turning to face the two of them. “I have a proposition for the two of you.”

“Third-wheeling,” Jongin whispers, loud enough for Kyungsoo to hear.

“You wish,” Kyungsoo says. “I’m proposing an experiment to help with your sleeplessness. For science and shit.”

“Eloquent,” Jongdae says, resting his chin on the back of the chair he’s sitting on.

Jongin gives him a curious look. “Are you okay? You seem more tired than usual.”

Jongdae shrugs, but he smiles when Jongin rests his hand on his knee.

“Gross,” Kyungsoo complains. “Can you leave all that unnecessary touching for after I leave?”

“So leave,” Jongin says.

Kyungsoo ignores this. “Sex,” is what he says instead. When both Jongdae and Jongin don’t say anything, just raise their eyebrows at him, he goes on, “Have you tried it?”

“In general or with each other?”

Kyungsoo sends Jongin a withering look. “Do you think I care about your sexual history? I don’t even really care about the two of you having sex. I’m just suggesting it.”

Jongdae wrinkles his nose. “This is making me less likely to put out.”

“It’s a good way to wear yourselves out,” Kyungsoo insists. “Most people fall asleep after sex, right?”

“How are we ever going to have sex?” Jongin demands. “We share rooms with people, one of them being you. And even if we wanted to have sex in the living room, which we don’t, you’re always lurking around.”

“I’ll leave you guys alone in our room,” Kyungsoo says. “So you can do the dirty.”

Jongdae gives him a suspicious look. “Why are you being nice?”

“Because you look like shit today to be honest,” Kyungsoo says. His face softens when Jongdae’s falls. “I didn’t say that to be mean, but you guys need to clock in some proper sleep time. Especially you.”

“So that’s your experiment?” Jongdae looks dubious. “Whenever we want to sleep, we should have sex?”

“I like this plan,” Jongin pipes up.

“It’s a start,” Kyungsoo says, shrugging.









Jongin flops down on his back, pouting. “I can’t do it,” he says crossly. He turns his head to look at Jongdae, who looks puzzled, even though his lips are all puffed up. Jongin fleetingly thinks, I did that, but then he thinks, Kyungsoo expects us to have sex, and he groans. “I want to. But I can’t when I know Kyungsoo is expecting us to do it.”

Jongdae laughs as he shifts closer to brush his lips against Jongin’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Kyungsoo kind of killed the mood when gave us the condoms anyway.”

Jongin’s pout deepens. “Did he really think we wouldn’t have that covered?”

Jongdae sits up and reaches across Jongin to grab the bottle Kyungsoo had gotten them too. “Good Clean Love,” he reads, bursting into laughter. “He’s so weird, oh my god.” He pops the bottle open as he clambers over Jongin and off the bed.

“What are you doing?” Jongin watches as Jongdae pours some of the lube onto his fingers.

“Paying Kyungsoo back for effectively ruining the mood with his Good Clean Love lube,” Jongdae says, before he throws the blanket off Kyungsoo’s bed and wipes his fingers on the sheets. “He can assume we had made some good clean love on his bed.”

Jongin snorts. “He’s going to kill you.”

Jongdae shrugs as he joins Jongin back on his bed, sitting on top of him this time. “Are you sure you’re not in the mood?” he asks, wiggling his fingers at Jongin before he licks at them. “It’s raspberry.” He shifts down until his ass is resting over Jongin’s cock. “I could use some sleep.”

Jongin groans when Jongdae rolls his hips down against his, and he reaches out to hold Jongdae still. “You know you’re the worst, right?” he says, before he pulls Jongdae down to kiss him. He tugs at Jongdae’s lower lip with teeth, and he almost wants to laugh at how he can taste the raspberry.

“So that’s a yes?” Jongdae says when he pulls away, although he’s already grinning smugly.









Jongdae groans when Jongin starts stroking the inside of his thigh. “Stop,” he says, weakly attempting to bat his hand away. “Too sensitive. I will kill you if you’re trying to initiate round 2. I’m ready for post-sex cuddling.”

“I’m not trying to start round 2,” Jongin says, although he isn’t making any attempt to move his hand away. “I just really like this…” He pushes Jongdae’s legs apart to lean in and press his lips softly to the beauty mark he had discovered on his thigh.

“I’m going to kick you,” Jongdae complains, actually kicking his legs out.

“Okay, okay, I’m done,” Jongin laughs, moving back up to quickly press a kiss to the corner of Jongdae’s mouth before he drops down beside him. “I think that’s my new favourite beauty mark.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes before he turns and buries his face in Jongin’s neck. “What was your old favourite?”

Jongin stops to think about it. “I’m not sure actually,” he says, moving his arm so he can pull it around Jongdae’s shoulders. “Maybe the one at the small of your back.”

“Jongin.”

“Jongdae.”

Jongdae smiles, even though he actually has something to say. “You don’t sound sleepy,” he says, pulling away slightly to look at him.

“I’m not,” Jongin admits. “But I’m not not sleepy either.”

Jongdae’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“I’m not sure,” Jongin says. “I just usually know I’m not going to get any sleep, but I don’t feel annoyed like I usually do when I try to sleep. I don’t feel restless. This is nice.”

Jongdae gives him a tired smile before he presses his face against Jongin’s neck again. He presses a soft kiss to the skin there. “Do you feel homesick?”

“No,” Jongin says. “I don’t.”









Jongdae tries to mimic the way Jongin strokes the inside of his wrist when he wants to feel his pulse. It’s nice, feeling Jongin’s pulse beneath his fingertips, but he’s still paying more attention to the way Jongin is breathing—he finds it more comforting.

“I don’t like this,” Jongin says, reaching for Jongdae’s wrist. “I prefer pulses to breathing.”

“Listen,” Jongdae insists, keeping his arm out of reach.

“I don’t like listening,” Jongin says. “I like feeling. Anyway you’re not going to get any calm breathing from me if I’m annoyed.”

“Just a few more minutes, okay?” Jongdae lifts Jongin’s hand up to his lips to kiss the inside of his wrist.

Jongin rolls his eyes, when Jongdae starts pressing smaller kisses along his forearm before moving back down to his wrist. “You’re such a cheater,” he mumbles, before he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

His breathing evens out after a while and Jongdae just really likes how someone’s breathing can be so relaxing to him. They both lay together quietly on the living room floor, and if Jongin has noticed that Jongdae is now lightly scraping his teeth along his arm, he doesn’t mention it.

“We don’t have to pick just one. We can just do what we’re doing now,” Jongin suggests, his eyes still closed. “I can just feel your pulse, and you can listen to my breathing. Which I know you’re doing right now anyway.”

“I’m multi-tasking,” Jongdae says.

“Cheater,” Jongin says again, smiling this time. “Does it bother you when I feel your pulse?”

“No,” Jongdae answers. “You’re a lot better at this wrist stroking thing than I am.”

“Then what’s your—” Jongin yelps when he feels Jongdae’s teeth sink down hard into his wrist.

Jongdae isn’t sure he means to do it. He’s already using his teeth and his tongue near Jongin’s wrist and he just bites down.

“Really?” Jongin stares at him because Jongdae’s teeth are still pressed against the skin of his arm, although there’s no pressure anymore.

Jongdae smiles before he lets go with a last lick to his wrist. “Sorry,” he says, sounding completely unapologetic.

“This is some kind of Luis Suarez betrayal happening,” Jongin mutters, examining his wrist and there’s definitely a mark. “Great, my boyfriend is a dog.”

Jongdae can’t stop himself from grinning wide because it’s the first time Jongin has actually used the word boyfriend. It’s gross how much Jongdae likes the sound of it. He folds his fingers into the shape of wolf like he had all those nights ago and brings it closer to Jongin’s face.

“Wolf,” he corrects, before he presses his fingertips to Jongin’s cheek in a pseudo-wolf kiss.









Jongdae wakes up with a start in the middle of the night. He knows Jongin isn’t with him even before he reaches out because he never has to reach out for him. When he and Jongin do manage to sleep at night, he rarely wakes up in between but when he does, Jongin is always curled around him.

“Jongin?”

“Hey, I’m here.”

Even though he had called out for him, he still startles when Jongin slides in next to him.

“Where were you?” Jongdae asks, tugging on his shirt to draw him closer. “Were you awake all this time?”

“No.” Jongin puts an arm around his waist. “I just went to the bathroom.”

“You’re sure?” Jongdae gives him a doubtful look. “Because we promised—”

Jongin laughs quietly. “I know, we promised we’d wake the other one up if one of us can’t sleep. It’s fine. I’m fine.” He smiles when Jongdae still looks reluctant. “Come here.” He tilts Jongdae’s head up towards his so he can kiss him softly. “I’m okay really.”

This seems to be enough because Jongdae shifts closer and tucks his head under Jongin’s chin.

“Big spoon my ass.”

Jongdae laughs as he pinches the inside of Jongin’s arm. “Insolent,” he mumbles into his neck.

“Go to sleep,” Yixing calls out from his bed. He doesn’t sound mad. He laughs a little when he hears Jongdae’s obnoxious snicker in reply, adds a, “Hey, Jongdae,” like he means to be chiding but Yixing is always gentle about most things.

He’s much nicer than Kyungsoo, who throws things at them, so Jongin apologizes for both of them and pokes at Jongdae until he shuts up. He slides his hand under the maroon hoodie Jongdae has started wearing to bed, and runs his fingers up Jongdae’s spine.

Jongdae sighs in contentment as Jongin’s fingers travel up his spine and come to a stop right below his shoulder blade.

This is what Jongin does now. He used to need to actually see the beauty marks on Jongdae’s back to map them all out. It had been relatively easy during summer, it was easy to talk Jongdae out of his shirt. He has it all committed to memory now.

If he closes his eyes, he can see them behind his eyelids, like he’s charting the stars except the ones on Jongdae’s back are better.

That’s how he falls asleep if he’s still awake when Jongdae drifts off—maps out the beauty marks on his back with his fingers, as if he can feel them, even though all he really feels is smooth skin. He knows they’re there and it’s better than counting stars or sheep.

If he’s still awake after he’s done, he starts over. Eventually he falls asleep. With Jongdae’s hair tickling his nose, with his steady breathing and his even steadier heartbeat. And with stars beneath his fingertips.

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